Do you go out W/out SO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Do you go out W/out SO?
28
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 9:56am
If so, how often? Does he go out without you? How often?

Just curious! Haven't visited in a few days. Miss y'all!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:13pm

Hi Mel,


So far, not really, if you mean, going out with your buddies clubbing and stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:24pm
Shane and I do that sometimes. His main activities without me are golf and he will go play poker witht he guys sometimes. Not often. Golf is the big one. But he also takes me occasionally and we play with another couple. I'm still learning. I mostly go out without him when he's working. My friend Rebekah and I go to the pool or shop. I have gone out to a club with just her, but it bugged both of us that guys hit on me when I'm sporting a rather large set of sparklers on my left hand. But people don't care. So we've decided that's not the way to go. If Shane wanted to go to a club without me, I'd object. I think it's not such a good idea to do that. I trust him completely, but not other women. They just don't get that a man can go out with his friends and just have a guy's night. Why do people assume when they see a man or a woman without someone on their arm that their free for the picking? It's so pathetic!!

mel

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Avatar for comountainsprite
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 6:04pm
No, unless of course you count the occasional bridal or baby shower I'm obligated to go to but I don't really count that as "going out". And neither does he. Occasionally he'll go to a poker game at a friend's house(although that's only been once in the 2 1/2 years we've lived together) or camping but other than that . . . There is a buddy he's going to go by himself to go jam some Sat morning but the only reason he's going there alone is by my choice--and again, since he is a musician, it's not really going out.

As far as going out to bars without each other, both of us just consider it a really bad idea besides the fact that we don't have any desire to do that. Unfortunately we've seen too many friends and acquaintances doing that and really jeopardizing their relationships/marriages. IMHO it's just looking for trouble even though we trust each other. And both of us sort of feel like wanting to do that indicates a lack of real commitment to the marriage. Not to say if there was some really special occasion, a friend's going away party or something we'd be okay with the other person going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 3:11pm

"I have gone out to a club with just her, but it bugged both of us that guys hit on me when I'm sporting a rather large set of sparklers on my left hand. But people don't care.... I trust him completely, but not other women. They just don't get that a man can go out with his friends and just have a guy's night.... Why do people assume when they see a man or a woman without someone on their arm that their free for the picking? It's so pathetic!!"


When guys go to bars/clubs with their guy friends (no woman on his arm or apparently with him) and when a couple of women are out in a club with no apparent guy friend or male companion, lots of people think they're out looking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 9:44am
Is this something you ladies experience across the board? Or is it only in certain places? I'm curious about everyone's experiences.

Here the bars are pretty much exactly FOR meeting people. Even with that, I've never been hit on unless I was flirting or looking for someone. There is a bar here that has a comedy night, and I've gone with a couple of girlfriends before. We've never been hit on at comedy night.

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 9:49am
True. I never seem to mind if he's golfing or playing poker because other than the money spent on either, it's nothing to worry about. Shane went out the night before our wedding to a bar. But the bar is a really small one that a friend of our's owns and he closed it off to everyone but Shane's group. It was really nice of him to do that. It was just a bunch of guys that worked together or had come in for the wedding hanging out and having a good time being guys. I honestly was pretty jealous because my party the week before didn't work out. Most of my girls claimed to be broke and couldn't make it. Bekah took me out, but once again, it was to a couple of clubs instead of what we planned because the plans NEEDED all the girls present. So I ended up looking single and got hit on. And even when I flashed the diamond in this one guy's face and a guy friend of mine I ran into informed this dude I was getting married in a week, he just said, "Hey no one has to know, baby."

EWWWW!!!

When I told Shane about it, he wasn't thrilled. He trusts me, but no one else. So we agreed that unless one or the other has a party we are invited to or one of us has to get there later, neither of us are going into a club alone without the other. Too risky.

Mel

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Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 10:48am

Hi Mel


I am laughing reading these posts.

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Registered: 05-06-2002
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:00am

Yes Jerry and I have gone out on our own with freinds.


Not very often though- I think in the last 11 months it has happend maybe 3-4 times? I like to go out with him hes fun :)


If I go on my own its with my sisters and they drink WAY too much

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:13am

Yes, I do. But not as often as I should. Most of my friends have been SO busy for the summer, so there's just not been time.


Jas doesn't enough either.


He has one scheduled night a week with a group of guys for coffee and just to support one another. And I've got the same with one girlfriend. But she's pregnant (VERY) and hasn't been able to the last few weeks. I am missing it keenly.


J and I get pretty wrapped up in one another. We're each others best friends. Favorite fun time bud's. Workout partners. Pool partners. We read together, watch sports together. Basically enjoy the same things. But sometimes I think that's too much. We do MUCH BETTER when we are apart and are then able to come back together.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:22am

Tara, you probably don't get hit on anymore because you don't carry that "available" vibe. And you probably aren't paying attention. In my experience, you have to make some eye contact and appear at least somewhat available for someone to actually blatantly hit on you. It doesn't happen to me much either. Even the times where I've not had J with me. BUT, I do know that I "miss" a lot of looks and attention. I just don't notice and encourage them to go further than looking.


I more often get attention at places like restaurants or coffee shops from the staff, because I am very friendly with the people serving me and it makes it easier for them to find an opening. KWIM?


I found all of these posts interesting. I wouldn't be very comfortable with J going "clubbing" either. And I doubt he'd like me to. Going out for a few drinks with some girlfriends is one thing. But clubbing is generally a "single and looking" acitivty. I know some people do that still and are comfortable. But I am glad to see J and I aren't in the minority. He does occasionally (though it's been a while) go out w/the guys to some little hole in the wall sports bar to watch some event and have a few beers. And that's just fine. Doesn't make me uncomfortable at all.

Becky

Becky

 

 

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