Where do you even BEGIN..
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| Sun, 08-01-2004 - 1:39pm |
I'm a newly single Mom...well that is to say the divorce is finally final! I've been on my own with the kids for well over a year and haven't really started dating. That is to say, I've been out with a guy who wants to be "friends," but haven't actually broken out into the dating scene.
Where do you even begin? I attempted the dating sites and those have been a bust. All the men on those sites are looking for cute tiny little Barbie dolls, of which I am not. I'm your average mid-30 had 3 kids and don't have the 18 year old figure any more. I'm not a cow...but I'm not Miss America either and men seem to only want the latter.
So, where do you start? Where do you find decent men to date? My "friend" is a wonderful guy and we have a great time together, but he is looking for someone who DOESN'T have children because he doesn't want his son to feel like he has to share his dad. Sometimes I want to knock him about the head, because we are great for each other and I think we could have something really special...but it's not something you can force, now is it?
Anyway, all you girls who have "been there, done that..." share your wisdom, PLEASE!

Where do you begin - I know - it is daunting. I can share my experience and hope it helps. And I know others here will have good things to say as well.
I think you have to focus more on having a good life and loving yourself. And when this happens you will meet the right person. You have to be patient and know this is not going to happen overnight or just because you will it.
I did do the online dating thing for a year and did not have luck. I found that most of the men were divorcees only looking for sex and not a committed relationship or they were real hard luck cases. But others on here would disagree because they did meet someone that way. I will say that the online thing taught me a lot about myself and the dating process and what I want for a partner.
I have found that expanding interests and your social circle is the best way to meet quality people. You just have to keep moving forward and improving your life.
It seems that the women I know who have met the nicest men were willing to be single for a long time - 2-6 years - and they did not settle or waste time with Mr. Wrong. They were also able to go very slow in their relationship so they would build something that lasts..
I wish you luck!!
As for your comment on the Barbie thing, please don't assume that's the case. I am 5,6 weigh 105 pounds, a pretty little thing (I am conceited) and have been single, going on 4yrs now. I did the internet thing for 2yrs and agree, it wasn't for me either. I only meet men that are losers, because I look for that kind, or because they smell I am only interested in that kind. LOL Who knows. I think it's basically, me looking for someone to fill my fathers pathetic shoes. I know that sounds so negative, but I've learned to accept the fact (thinking now of the guy I am dating: lady killer, 27, porsche, can't stand kids, doesn't commit and NO my whole family doesn't have a clue about him, otherwise I would be dead meat. LOL) that I am purposefully punishing myself for a reason unknown. Also, I am an American living in Germany, where it is still a sin to be a single mother and then of course if you have two children from two different men, then of course you are scarred for life with the scarlet letter. It sounds like a joke, but it's really the truth! LOL. So! don't let your size or anything else get you down. I am sure you will be meeting Mr. Right soon, even if the guy you are seeing isn't the one, you are already active, just take things in stride. Americans are so much for acceptable to divorced Mom's with kids. Ladies, if I haven'T scared her off, any more words of encouragement out their?
Hi and welcome!
I did meet my SO on an internet dating site.
Hi, and welcome to this board!
Yes, being a single mother makes it more difficult to find someone to date. BUT, it also helps because the biggest jerks won't even consider dating you.
About your friend, who just wants to be friends. That is a typical attitude for divorced men. I gave up on divorced men for that reason. I thought they'd be better since we had something in common, but I was wrong. They have been hurt and they don't even want to try to have any serious relationship. My SO now is single and never been married, no kids.
If you want to be more than just friends, with your divorced guy friend. Then, you need to make yourself less available to him. If you talk every day, then make excuses to not see him or talk to him. If you're less available, then he will chase after you. Be friendly when you do see him, but always leave him with the feeling that he didn't quite get enough of your attention.
Don't be afraid to keep trying the online thing. I met and talked to a bunch of jerks before I found one worth dating.
And yes....I'm glad to have found a place to make some new "buddies" who understand the constant challenge of this life as a single parent. It's nice to know I'm not alone!
i will try to give you some hope here. i am a 44 yr old divorced father with a little extra weight. been divorced for 1 yr now. how do i find a woman some where anywhere i just dont look. it just happens.
i dont want a barbie.
i want a woman who is like me , in a sense.
i want her to be personable ,not to shy , have a kindness for the people around her. i want a woman how enjoys her kids and not find them a burden. i have kids to. yes i am active in their lives. i want her to be neat to a point but not messy as in house .
i f i went out on a date and brought a woman home she would find my apt. very clean as it is always thats what i like. i live my life in an order.
i want a woman of how you discribed yourself, not a barbie , have a few kids. why????
because you know what life is all about .
last is sex. i dont want to sleep with you . i want a relationship, a friend ,a companion. people put sex to high on there list. yes i like sex but i like making love more. its an emotional high.
well remember there is someone for everyone out there you just have to find him.