What would you do? Needed for tonite

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
What would you do? Needed for tonite
10
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 12:50pm
I'm so indecisive it's pathetic. Okay, here's the deal. I wasn't going to see my boyfriend this weekend. I think he was hinting around about getting together tonight. He asked me on the phone last night what I was doing tonight, but he didn't mention us getting together.

Also, I had told him earlier in the week that we could get together one night this weekend if he wanted, but I was okay with it if we didn't see each other. I have my son this weekend. If I saw my boyfriend, it would just be for the evening. My son would spend the night at my mom's house (which he loves to do).

I kind of got the urge to see him tonight and I left him a voicemail today saying that I might come over tonight, but I need to see how I feel after work. Here's my question....should I invite myself over like that or is it bad form? I wonder because if he had wanted to see me, then you'd think he would have just asked me out. But, you throw in the fact that I have a child and I think he wants it to be my decision to get together so I don't throw it up in his face that he's pressuring me to leave my son at my mom's. I know if I did see him that he would enjoy my company and be affectionate, but part of my brain is telling me...don't invite yourself over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 12:58pm
Can you remind us again, how long you have been dating?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 1:15pm
We've been dating for about 6 months. It's an exclusive relationship. In one of my earlier posts, I complained about us not talking every day...but he has been calling me everyday this week without me saying anything to him at all about the frequency of our calls. He's 38 yrs old and I'm 33. Both of us are pretty busy with our jobs and I have a son.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:01pm

Well, I am not a big "rule follower" so I would think that at 6 months, you should be just fine to "invite yourself" or see if he's around. I don't see any reason why that would be a problem.


Hope you have a great time. How often do you see your son? Will this cut too much into your time with him, or do you have it all balanced out pretty well? Not a fun juggling act, I know. ;)

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:12pm
I have my son most of the time. He sees his dad every other weekend. On the weekends that I do have my son, the most time I'd spend away from him would be 12 hours. I might go out at 8:30 PM (putting my son to bed at my mom's house) and then I'd pick him up by 9 AM the next day. Something like that. It is hard. Plus, there's the guilt that you don't see your kid when you work and you have to split weekends with your ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:20pm
If you like him and want to see him then you should see him and not analyze it too much.

Your letter sounds like he has been on good behavior so it sounds good to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:39pm
I agree with everybody else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:39pm
Ha, ha. Thanks for your candor. Yes, I analyze things way too much. I bet he spends *zero* time analyzing and thinking about things. In his mind (he has told me this), things are good. Guys don't think about things until there's a big problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 7:41pm
If you've been dating for six months, then I don't think it's bad form at all to come over. But I'm wondering if he was asking specificly about tonight because he was creating alternative plans? Good luck?
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:37pm

Well it's too late now for me to answer, so I'll just ask, what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:49pm
As it turned out, we decided to get together Saturday night. Both of us were dog tired Friday after work. We talked two times on Friday evening. Saturday was really nice. Yes, I did invite myself over, but he took me out to a Japanese steak house for dinner. I wasn't expecting that. So it was a real date situation and not just hanging out at his house. He told me how much he appreciated me coming over there. All in all it was a good time.

I still sometimes have my doubts about him. I have a hard time wondering how many of doubts are justified. I don't think you can have a failed a marriage / very nasty divorce and look at dating the same way again. I keep wondering if and when he'll turn into a creep.