When would you know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
When would you know...
3
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 4:57pm
Hi,

I'm new here. I've been divorced for a year, separated for over 2 years. So I'm totally over my EX. About 6 months after we separated (I was still legally married), I met a guy online and we started hitting if off right away. After about 20 months of dating, I realized it was a mistake. I didn't know it before, but I realized it was a rebound relationship. I ended up hurting him badly and I'm not proud of it.

Anyway, I met someone else online and we've met a few times. Although I can tell he's attracted to me, we just talk, nothing intimate. However, that might change very soon and I'm wondering when did you ladies know it was OK or time to sleep with your SO. With the previous guy, we jumped into bed pretty much right away and if this guy's not the right one for me, I don't want to make the same mistake again.

Also, another thing is that this guy's not legally divorced yet. His STBX is not cooperating and it might drag out a little. Is this a bad sign? After all, I'd hate to be his rebound.

BTW, I'm 44 and he's 45. Thank you in advance for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:13pm
If he is in his 40s and not yet divorced I would say no way.

After all of my post-marriage dating experience, I can honestly say I would not sleep with a guy until we had one foot on the banana peel and one foot on falling in love. I would have to be sure he was really ready for a committed relationship and would be willing to call and make plans on a consistent basis.

From my experience, I don't see this happening with a newly divorced guy in his 40s. They are usually more keen on sex than a relationship. Sorry to be negative and the harbinger of bad news but I found this to be the case time after time.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:42pm

Ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 10:15am

Hi and welcome!