Where do u find the time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Where do u find the time
6
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 1:03pm
Where do you all find hte time do date, i am a single mom of a 3 yr old, work go to school part time, and i have no idea when to date. I mean i have a hard time figuring out a good time to tell a potential date to call me to talk alone quietly without my son wanting all of my attention. I mean by the time hes falls asleep at night all im asking for is 30 min to sit alone and watch what i want to watch lol... i think im dummed to be single for ever!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:09pm
You're right, you can't talk while your son is awake for more than five minutes. There are a lot of guys who have experience dating a single mom out there who know the drill or you might find one who's interested in learning the drill. EVeryone gets it that the child comes first. The days when you could spend hours talking to your friends is over...unless your child is taking a nap or is asleep. My children are 7/9 and their bedtime is 730, that leaves me plenty of time to chat on the phone before I get to bed myself. When do you put your child down for the night? Consider that most American children aren't getting their required hours and put him down an hour earlier. Even if he's not falling asleep, train him to 'read' his books in bed and have some down time before the lights go out. My friend does that at 7 pm because after all day wtih the kids (3.5/1), she simply can't be a good parent anymore and she needs time with her husband and the dogs and her book. There comes a time when you need to nurture you.

Is your child ever with dad or does DD/DS have a grandma close by that she can have one night with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:44pm
oh i understand im no that i cant sit and talk for hrs on the phone to girlfriends nor am i complaining. im simply saying i just dont no how i can fit dating into the mix w everything going on, it seems impossilbe...
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 5:46pm

Well first off you have to want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 7:15am
You do have a full plate as a single mom with a 3 year old who works and goes to school part time. But the school could be a blessing - maybe it is a great way to meet someone new?

I think you have to want to date and make an effort to put YOU first. YOU come first, not your kids. Because if you are not happy and together you will be no good for your children.

I think you have to create boundaries that are age-appropriate for a 3 year old. Like going to be early and on time - just developing a routine. That would buy you a lot of time and mental sanity for the evening to talk on the phone or find a babysitter to go out.

You have to work on looking your best and being your best so you attract the right person. I think that you will not have any problems finding the time once you are together and meet someone you like.

Good luck and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 3:46pm
Honeyap,

I became a widow four years ago with two boys at the time 6 and 10. I found it impossible to find time for myself because I was always putting myself last. As time went on 1.5 years later, I decided to date and get together with my girlfriends. It was hard because I felt guilty on making time for myself. When you make time for yourself to do things that you want to do (which is all about you), you allow yourself to become a better mom and happier person. I still do alot for my boys (family time) and make sure that I have my own time.

As far as finding time to date and talk on the phone try to put your son to bed earlier Two years ago, my son's pediatrician asked me how many hours of sleep he got at night and I told him 10 hours (8 pm - 6 am). He did indicate that children need 10 hours of sleep at night. Since my boys go to bed at 8, I make and receive my personal (dating) phone calls after 8:30. As far as going out, I use my in-laws, friends, or family to babysit. Since I like to do things regularly, I always pay for my babysitting services because I don't want my in-laws, friends, or family to think that I am taking advantage of them. I want them to know that I appreciate them watching my children so that I can have time for myself. I know it is not easy finding a babysitter. Some suggestions would be grandparents, family, friends, or teenagers of close friends or neighbors who want to earn a little spending money. When their is a will, their is a way. I wish you well in trying to make the time for yourself because you deserve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:40am
I doubt it, hon. It's just not easy being a single mommy. Especially to a young child. My son was 3 when I divorced. So I know all about the phone thing. My son STILL waits til I'm on the phone to want me. It doesn't disappear quickly. He's five now.

My situation has not been too hard. My ex lives in another state, but has for the most part, been able to take Dylan every other weekend unless things change with his work or my plans require him to be with me. SO I had the time to date and go out with friends without guilt. He was away, I was free to have some fun and be Melissa, not mommy. Do you have anyone who can watch your son for a few hours from time to time so you can get out?

And do utilize the bedtime thing. Use that time after he retires for the night to socialize on the phone (if it's not too late), watch tv. soak in a tub or read a good book. Enjoy your time off. We all deserve it.

Mel

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