Repost-Single and REgretting It

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Repost-Single and REgretting It
4
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 9:50am

This is from "pippy long stocking" I'm reposting so people will see it, it was down in the off-topic folder and I know alot of you don't always scroll down that far.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 10:25am

Hi


I hope you will see this up here now you'll get more responses.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 11:17am
Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you. But you have done the right thing, which is getting both yourself and your son out of the cycle of abuse. You are lonely and probably feel like you don't deserve anyone better than your ex. You know why? Because he BEAT that INTO you. I'm sure that he said a lot of things to break down your self esteem and who you truly are. You are right to leave before your son develops a horrible sense of self esteem AND learns that violence is ok.

You don't say how long you were with this man. But it's been 2 years since you left him. You're dreaming about him because it's unfinished business, not because you want him back. What you need to do now is work on yourself from the inside out to get rid of all the influence he has had over you. I recommend you start a journal in which you write down ALL the things that he did to hurt you mentally, physically and emotionally. Getting them out is the first part, you will feel better. Second part is then saying, that's it, it's over, I'm not doing this again. Put that book away, throw it away, burn it- whatever you need to do. And third is when you start a new book with a new look at who you are now, and who you want to be. What kind of person do you want your son to look at you and see?

I also think you could benefit from a counsellor. Look in the phone book for one and give them a call. They will help you work through all the pain you have, and I sense you have a lot. I think you may be feeling all this resurfacing pain because your body feels that A)it's time to start working on it, B)you have the strength now to deal with it and C)it's done holding it in- it wants it out and dealt with.

I really hope that we can be of help to you. Please feel free to come here and post all your pain and fears, we will try our hardest to help you get through it.

Now go and kiss your son and see the other reason you left that man.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 11:50am
I agree with what Alison says.

And I would just like to encourage you that there is MUCH more to life than a man. New interests, your child, getting in shape, decorating a new home, reading books, making new friends. Those are just a few things. Pretty soon, if you work on making yourself better, you will find that YOU make yourself more happy than anyone else. I think there is no worse hell than depending on a MAN or even another person for that matter for your happiness.

Big hugs to you - keep us posted on your progress - we are here for you and want to listen to your stories and encourage you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 2:59pm
I also agree with Alison. I just want to add one thing. You said you didn't understand why you wanted to go back and why your body was acting that way. I'm not a counselor, but I can tell you what my counselor told me. She told me that it is very NORMAL for abused women to want to go back to their abusers. I think the percentage is something like 75% of abused women go back to their abusers. That's because the abuser has conditioned you that way. Like Alison said, he beat it into you. Abusers isolate their victims from friends and family so that you feel you have to be with them. They make you feel bad about yourself so that you think you don't deserve anything better. (1) This is not our fault; you have nothing to do with it, so don't blame yourself; (2) You deserve way better than what your ex was doing to you and your son. You did the right thing when you left. Never look back. I agree you should see a counselor. They are a big help. You should also check with your doctor because you may be suffering from depression as well, which could explain the binge eating. But most importantly, keep yourself busy and don't isolate yourself. When you feel lonely, go take a walk with your son or go to the park. Call a friend. Or get on the computer and talk to us. Someone is always here to listen. Don't fall into the trap of going back to the ex. You've done such a good job and you have come so far.

My heart goes out to you. I lived with an abusive man. He never beat me, but he was verbally abusive, controlling, and he had such a bad temper that he would throw things all over when he got angry. Had I not gotten out, he proably would have started beating me. I know what you experienced is so much more than I did. I just wanted you to know that there is nothing wrong with you or your body. That what you are feeling is normal, and I know this from what my counselor said to me. Please try to seek some counseling help. I know it will help you. It helped me a lot. Best of luck to you, and let us hear from you whenever you feel lonely.

Donna