Update (hi Michael!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Update (hi Michael!!)
1
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 1:21pm
always good to hear from you, and I am so glad you haven't lost your sense of humor! It sounds like some of the things that had been troubling you, money and job concerns, etc., are getting better. That's good. But I hear you when you say life wasn't made to be lived alone. Now that my girls (they are well, although the big one is going through some serious changes - more later) are older, that need their mom less. It can be lonely, especially when so many people have a significant other. I have good days and bad ones. The extra expenses I have recently had, my car (although I am fighting for a reimbursement, the car is a 2000 with low mileage), and now major dental work (extractions and bridges, for which I have no insurance) have knocked me over. I always lived check to check, with little in the bank, and you know what that's like. So add that to being alone alot and it can be depressing. It helps to talk to people and to correspond here. I really have stopped the on-line dating thing. I still get letters from a very old ad I placed on AOL. The guys are so brazen about how the sex they can provide will "change my life". I have to crack up sometimes. I guess there really are people for whom the quest for better sex is all they think about. I am not about that, as you know.

My girl Noelle will turn 21 in a few weeks. She met someone two years ago, and they recently renewed their relationship. She thinks she's in love. I can't bring myself to judge this guy, it certainly isn't my place to do that. My ex doesn't like him because he has piercings and several tattoos. Ridiculous. My concern is that he has a child from a previous relationship. He is trying to get custody of the little girl, she is five a nd very sweet. Her mother (they were never married) is in prison upstate NY. I feel like this fellow's plate is a little full to include my daughter. He keepschanging jobs, also. I don't know his people, but I am certainly happy to meet them if it should turn out that way. I just hope she doesn't get hurt in this. I am also concerned about her returning to school. I know first hand that disparate levels of education can cause big problems in a marriage. My ex was always throwing my education up to me as if it were some sort of sin. I am proud of my accomplishments and I feel the same way about Noelle. She has 77 credits toward her BA. The college has already awarded her the Associate's degree. He (the ex) spoken to her about her boyfriend, but as long as he complains about the external stuff, she won't listen. I am also concerned because lately they have been fighting alot, he gets angry at her and she blames herself. Noelle is still immature and finding her way. I don't know how it will play out. He has to straighten out the legalities of his custody issues first.

The little one is starting high school. This summer has been all about boys and fun and friends moving out of town. She is smart and very outgoing. I hope she will do better in HS than the other one did. The school is the one that I work in, a Catholic school, alittle stricter than the public schools certainly, but a good safe place for her to be. And tuition every month will be $325, and that's with my teacher's discount. Maybe finding a rich guy to bankroll me a little wouldn't be so bad?? LOL.

Well, this ceratinly turned into an update. I am glad you are doing better on some counts, but so sorry the relationship fell apart. I can certainly sympathize. remember the "booty call" guy I was stressing over? Well, I hadn't seen him for over a year when he called me last Xmas to say happy new year. And three days later he was arrested for possession of cocaine and an illegal handgun which was in the car he was riding in. He lost his teaching job and his reputation. The story was on the news here in NYC and in all the papers. Thank God he hasn't called me. I don't know if his case went to trial, but he certainly got roasted in the newspaper. So much for booty calls!

Is my sense of humor intact? I'll let you know. Take care, and hope to hear from you that things are getting better.

Karen in NYC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 4:54pm
"...three days later he was arrested for possession of cocaine and an illegal handgun..."

Heh, heh, heh. Wonder if he's going to gain an appreciation of what it's like to be on the "other end" of the booty call situation?

Glad to hear the update, though. Your older girl will just have to make her own adjustments to life from here on. You set her on her way, now she makes the choices.

My own daughter (23 next month) now has a 6 month old baby. She went through a lot of anger because of the divorce but has now become a marvel to me. I refused to give my permission for her to marry the father of the baby -- maybe a moot point since we were never really sure if he was married or not. However, since our religion does require parental permission to marry, I was happy that she accepted my stance.

She has come to understand a great deal about me and her mother since she has become a mother herself. Amazing what a change.

Anyway, I now have two sons who are taller than me. My 15 yo sprouted 1 1/2" in the last 3 weeks, I think. I hope that things will turn the corner for you sooner or later. I did find that it was easier to make money as my kids got older and needed me around less. For so many years, my kids were better off with more Daddy and less money than they were with more money and less Daddy. Now, they have enough of their own lives that even when I don't work extra time, they're rarely home. And that freed me to change jobs and start working a lot more overtime (love that time-and-a-half and double-time!!!).

I am starting to get past the paycheck to paycheck life and am even making serious plans to buy land and build next year -- and pay cash for it. I DO NOT WANT A MORTGAGE OR LOAN OVER MY HEAD EVER AGAIN!!!!


Michael