Visitation fiasco (vent)
Find a Conversation
Visitation fiasco (vent)
| Fri, 12-10-2004 - 2:39pm |
Well, he's done it again. Ever since my son's father has gotten out of jail in July, he's been filing motion after motion to have unsupervised visitation with my son restored (which is never going to happen). Lately, he takes me to court about every other MOnday just to stick it to me and my son's guardian ad litem, who he is also harrassing (the second one!) big time. He keeps filing "reclaim" motions for modification, so he doesn't have to pay the fee for filing a new motion, but his motions have nothing to do with "modification," they are things like wanting copies of records from the G.A.L., letters from the psychiatrist who is doing our psych. eval., etc. None of his requests are ever granted, in fact, the judge lets him have it every week, and he's just making it way worse for himself. A couple months ago I had to apply for yet another restraining order because he followed me for 20 miles on the highway at night, with my kids in the car, playing games and nearly running me off the road and making me crash, hanging out the window waving and yelling and laughing to my son like a mad-man, when he hadn't seen my son in almost a year. Well, anyway, last night he decided to exercise his "right" to see my son at the agency that supervises parent visits. The agency was advised by the psychiatrist who is doing our study that if ANYTHING inappropriate happened, they were to stop the visit immediately, and I told the lady there, whom I know well and have a very good relationship with, that I WANTED the visit absolutely ended if anything happened and wanted Z protected no matter what. She agreed. Well, I left and not 2 minutes after I left, I got a call on my cell from her saying, "Come right back, the visit is over." I got there, she let me in, and said that immediately, John started screaming at the supervisor, saying it was B.S., that he didn't need supervision, and just shouting and being inappropriate in front of Z. She asked him to stop, he wouldn't, so she said the visit is over. He grabbed Zachary by the arm and would not let him go and wouldn't leave. She told him to let go of the child and he refused. She told him that she would have to call the police and he said, "Good, it will give me more time to talk to my son." So, I had to stand there in this room, with lunatic holding my son hostage, ranting to him, waiting for the police to arrive. I couldn't help him, couldn't save him and felt and WAS absolutely helpless. When the police came, they removed Z and brought him right to me. He was very shaken and upset. He "didn't want to talk about it", and told me, "Mom, he said so much stuff, I just can't even remember." I told him that I heard his father tell him he loved him, and that that was true, but that it was the only thing he said that was true, and that everything else he said was a lie and that he just didn't know what he was talking about anymore. I told him that after what his dad did, he wouldn't be able to see him anymore (which I know is going to be true) and explained that this is what is best for him because right now his father just doesn't understand how to talk to a child and what is best for him and that he needed to get some help to figure out how to do that (which he will never do--he doesn't think there is anything wrong with himself or that he needs help. It's everyone else that is crazy liars, not him, of course). I was very gentle with Z, trying to explain, because he was so upset. You know, I would have loved to have said, "He's a WHACKO! and he's never going to get his freakin' crazy hands on you again, thank God." But, I of course, wouldn't do that to my child. Anyway, the whole thing was a nightmare. The only positive thing to come out of it is that now there's no way he will be able to see Z AT ALL anymore. The agency won't allow him to visit there, and the judge will surely cancell all visitation now. I believe I can even press charges against him, although I'm not sure about that, and am going to look into it. We are scheduled for trial February 22, and I just want it over once and for all, and I want this person out of our lives forever. I am praying that this will happen. You just don't know the amount of anxiety and pain he has put us all through, and to hope that it is finally coming to an end, GOD , it will just be such a relief. Please cross your fingers for us! Thanks for listening!
Kim
Kim

Oh my word, Kim. I am so sorry that you and Z are STILL going through this. STILL. Sigh. What a mess for you and Z and RC and the baby. I'm so sorry. I hope this DOES end it. Period. Over. Finito.
You are in my thoughts.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going through so much, and your poor kid to be in the middle of it all. The guy isn't interested in his son, it's more a game and a show for him, something to get at you with, I can relate. My son's dad threatened to kill me after I kicked him out and he realized that I wasn't going to get back together with him. But I stuck to it and now we are able to talk again and be civil with each other.
It does strange things to their brains when they don't get their way...
Good luck!
Alison
Kim
I'm so sorry to hear about that. Sending big hugs and good thoughts for the judge to order something permanent that will give you some piece. I know it's been awful and just can't imagine having to deal with that. Right now on our end we've restored vistation for ex and dd in our home with MG home and it's worked out that I've had other commitments so I didn't have to even see him. I'm thankful that my ex doesn't have financial resources to make me have to deal with the courts and that he isn't violent or telling dd stuff. MG made it very clear though that if he did that would be the end of it and that he better not even think about going to court because then the gloves would come off and he might not be allowed to see her at all. I'm not sure exactly how it would go but I've got some documentation of stuff that happened a long time ago that I've kept as well as the fact that under those circumstances could probably get them to order access to his recent psych records from being locked up on a psych hold.
Big, big hugs. Poor Z. Here's keeping a good thought that it'll all be over soon.
Oh Kim
I'm so sorry for Z. I know this has to be so hard for a little boy to deal with. And I'm sorry you have had to just watch all this transpire. I do hope they take visits away permanently. It is obvious that John can't have contact with his son. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping all goes well at trial. The best thing that can happen is he goes to jail again. And stays there!
Tara
Kim, I'm so sorry for Z and all of you.
Kim darlin,
this guy needs to have a restraining order put against him and you need to try and do whatever you can to protect you and your children. I know this sounds drastic, but would it be possible to move without him knowing? This man is going to hunt you down. He has never stopped and he won't. You need to get whoever you can to back you on this. He seems to be getting more and more out of control. I can't believe that they continue to let Z see his father. Z seems like he is taking it well, but I would hate to see what is really happening to that little boy inside. Between the fiasco of your X and the strains of your marriage, this child needs psychological help to work through it all. Have you discussed this with the counsellors? I don't want to scare you, but you need to do whatever you can to make sure life for Z is stable. He's seen more than enough at such a young age. One drama after another. He needs some stability and someone who can help work with him. Your a wonderful mother Kim, but your are also overwhelmed. A counsellor may help you all.
Big hugs darlin. I love you.
-Catherine