Christmas and men
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 12-24-2004 - 3:40pm |
I'm so confused! Several weeks ago, I posted a question regarding interracial relationships. Things have been going great! We see each other as often as possible and he calls me every day. We have had telephone conversations that last for hours! I haven't done that since I was in high school 20 years ago!
I never expected a daily phone call, but now that he's started it, I'm feeling a little weird that I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. He said that his oldest children (13 & 17) may be coming to spend some time with him at Christmas, but HELLO - the phone still works!
Am I wrong to feel so confused by this? Are my expectations too high? We didn't have any plans for Christmas - we are too new for that - but I expected that I would have heard from him. It seems like men usually get weird around Christmas time. Could he have really just decided that he was finished with me? We work together, so it's not as if he could just never see me again. Ohhh...I hate being so dramatic! Somebody stop me!! :)

I know it's HARD when you first start out with someone and you want to be with them all the time to pull back a little and give some space.
What you need to do is play it "cool" a little. The more you seem upset that he hasn't called, the more likely he'll split, since he'll see you as being clingy. If you are more "unfazed" that he didn't call, he will figure that you have other interests, and as the relationship progresses, he may want himself to be your main interest.
What do you do? You wait until tomorrow, call him up around noon and wish him a merry christmas (if he celebrates it) and don't add that you've missed him or why hasn't he called. And keep the conversation (or message) short, that you have a bunch of other things to do, people to talk with.
Yes, some men get a weird about the holidays, but they do appreciate being remembered. So drop him a quick hello and tell him to give you a call later on in the week if he wants to get together next weekend.
Good luck!
Alison
I've never been someone who always has to be in a relationship, but I'll really be disappointed if it doesn't work out this time. I really like this guy.
He said he had been spending time with his kids and he waited till they were in bed before he called me. I understand that.
I guess that it's been so long since I've met someone I really had an interest in that I'm pretty quick to assume that he's not as into me as I am him. What a relief that he has called!
Yes, it is a relief that he called. As I was reading all of these posts I was getting ready to comment that when men get around their kids they don't call unless the kids are sleeping or busy.
YOu handled everything very well. Good!!
Merry Christmas!
I agree. Men do get "weird" around Christmastime. I think it's such a high pressure holiday and they worry about expectations. Will she expect me to propose and give her a ring? Will she expect greater commitment? Will she expect something bigger than the travel coffee mug with a 7-11 Gift card that I bought her? Will she want to meet my mom/dad/grandparents/bestfriends/kids?
Anxiety anxiety anxiety!!!
And people are SO BAD about communicating their expectations. Even if you have some that you know are unreasonable, I think it's good to voice them and clear the air so there are no unspoken's and that way you CAN come to an agreement on what your holiday needs to be and just how "couple'ish" you are going to be.
Did you hear from him? Do you know for sure now why he hasn't called as much? (I guess I should read the rest of the thread huh?)
OK! *thumbs up* All is well. Nice that he waited for the kids to be in bed to keep things uncomplicated.
And yes, we're proud of you too for not letting him know you were freaking out. ;)