Girls, I'm scared
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| Tue, 12-28-2004 - 1:31pm |
Insurance came out today leaving us with about $40.00 to our names. Shane still isn't sure if he's being paid on the 1st, but we assume he should since he started on the 15th. At least to be paid SOMETHING, right? Plus still no security deposit in the mail from our previous house. Dylan needs his asthma medicine, and we both need to keep our cars gassed up. Shane drives a demo home, but is responsible for his gas. And I just found out this morning that if we plan to go COBRA on our insurance, we must pay the fee by Jan. 1 or lose the coverage. It's close to $500 for both of us and about $180 for just me. I don't know how Shane plans to do it. I know I need the coverage and it sure woul dbe cheaper to leave him off, but I'm afraid he's going to get sick or hurt his back or knee again and need a doctor. Then what? And if he doesn't get paid by Jan. 1 or we don't see a deposit check in a few days, we can't pay the premium anyway.
I can't let him go pawn off his guitars and amp like I know he'd do to get things done. It's too stressful and I'm losing it.
Just needed to vent....
Mel

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Honey, one word - Medicaid.
If you need insurance, and your combined income is low, you need to take advantage of what the government does.
My sister had to get Medicaid help for her first son (his father disappeared, and she was left alone with the child and many bills). She got medicaid, and the boy was covered for over a year until she could afford regular insurance.
Well that is out of the question. Because Shane has a good job that he just started, the income is way too high for that. It's not that he has a low income, it's just that he lost his job at Christmas and got a new one and we aren't sure how the pay schedule goes yet. So we're praying he gets paid on or by the first so we can manage.
Mel
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Hugs, I know you must be very stressed. That said, Mel, I'm sure this is not exactly what you want to hear but sometimes you've got to just swallow hard and do what needs to be done even if it isn't what you want to do. I read your post about Christmas so it sounds like you will probably be all right on the food end for the most part which is wonderful. That can be the most stressful; heck I can remember trying to live literally for days off one can of spaghettios or going to the store and being able to buy a small carton of milk and dry noodles because I knew I could live on that and looking longingly just wishing I could buy some cheese. It sucks! But it didn't last forever and I know for sure that I can get through whatever comes along. Sure now I can be a little more concerned with things like being bummed about losing the diamond out of my ring, but if it hadn't been covered and I was worried about making the mortgage payment, then we wouldn't have been able to replace it either and the ring would have had to sit in a box to avoid possible further damage until we were more secure financially and my dh would have understood.
It sounds like the insurance is a big priority, especially with your pregnancy I would think it would be unwise to allow that to lapse, and while the previous suggestion is a good one, based on what you've said about Shane's income even though it seems that you're constantly coming up short, I kind of doubt that you would qualify. (I don't mean to be discouraging, I just know how these bureaucratic formulas and forms tend to work and they will ask you to list every single form of income; but it may be worth a try). But you said you can't let him pawn his guitars and amp like you know he'd do to make things work and get the necessities taken care of because it's too stressful. Well, why not? I'm not a fan of pawning things and have never done it myself although my ex is practically an expert at it by now. And I know you get stressed about getting the stuff back and out of pawn. But bottom line, and truly I'm sorry, but in the end, worst case scenario is that it ends up that he loses that stuff. Would that be awful, yep, definitely. Would it be the absolute end of the world; not at all. Heck, it wouldn't be the absolute end of the world if we did that and my dh makes money off his guitars and amp (although he's not playing regularly right now since we're concentrating on other stuff, but still, when he does play out, that's several hundred dollars cash right in our pocket.) But if we absolutely couldn't figure out anything else to do to make sure our family was taken care of, we'd do it. In the end, no matter how precious something like that is to you, it's just stuff.
On the hopeful side though, sometimes things turn up (like perhaps getting the deposit back) right when you absolutely need it the most. Try to take a deep breath and have faith that regardless what you have to do, you have the most important things, your dh, your dd, a home to enjoy with them, right in front of you.
Yeah and I try to focus on that. But seeing Dylan's little face just makes me want to take care of him and by not going to work like I've offered so many times, I feel like I'm failing my family. I have always been perfectly capable of going to work, even part time just to help have some extra cash flow, but Shane doesn't want me to. He says it's not up to me to do that. He wants the burden of it all and says he enjoys taking the time to work hard for us. He wants me to be able to relax and take care of myself and our children and I do appreciate not having to go to work. I hated working and day care and all of that. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it would help. Even right now.
I just feel useless right now because I can't change what's going on. We've come up short before but always knew that another paycheck was coming soon, so we didn't worry. We just held off on a couple of things to manage until the next check came. But this time, it's different. We aren't sure at all when he'll be paid. And I've asked him to find out and he hasn't asked. He has a right to know, but he seems content just sitting back at the mercy of others. I'm not that way.
I guess we'll know soon enough. If he insists on pawning the guitars and amp, I have no choice but to allow it. I just know the items already in pawn mean the world to him and we need to get those out and I'd hate to see him lose any of it. I wish I had some stuff to sell so I could get some money. At least there is food. Lots of stuff to eat to get us by. We were smart to go ahead and do that. ANd Shane just called....he put an ad in the paper to sell his pickup truck. He no longer needs it. The ad comes out Thursday and he gave my cell number for people to call. It's such a nice truck. It will sell quickly.
Anyway, maybe things will look up. It's hard not to worry right now when I don't know what's going to happen, but it will get better soon. I do know that.
Mel
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NOrmally I would say, "don't worry, be happy"...but I think you'd have to be brain dead to not let this bother you. I'd say let him pawn the amp and guitar if that's what he can do, not letting him is kind of like hobbling a good horse. (sorry, that was for those Texans...it's cowboy talk).
If you weigh guitar against dylan's health coverage...no contest. Dylan wins. I have to say though, I wouldn't wait around and be torn up over this either. I'd bet getting at least a part time job so I had some extra money stashed away. It'd just make me feel better.
You'll get through it though...and someone said the guitar is just stuff...that's exactly right. stuff can be replaced.
I agree with Candi - she said this perfect. Pawn what you can and see what you can find part time to at least get a little stashed away before you have the baby. Even working part time in a store would be fun - just for a little change. I would pick a clothing store or baby store so you can get stuff for a percentage off.
Smile - you do have some bumps but you two always work it out just fine. Maybe you can get the COBRA insurance to accept the payment a few days late because of the holidays?
Is there no way to get a credit card to help with the asthma medicine?
I know you're worried and it's very understandable, and if getting even a part-time job isn't right for you and your family, then it isn't (although it is possible with Dylan in school that you could find something that fit your schedule and didn't require daycare if you were interested). And definitely Shane needs to ask what the pay schedule is--I can't believe that he doesn't have that information yet as usually they give you that type of info when you're giving them your pertinent information (SS card, driver's license id etc) to set up your employment. But anyway, selling the truck sounds like a good idea if you don't need it, extra money and not paying insurance on it should help.
Again, though, and I know it's been suggested before and I say this with compassion, but you have to get on track with figuring out how much money you have coming in and how much going out and balance that. I admit that I'm not nearly as good as I once was as we do use credit for some things and I'm a bit less of a saver now than I used to be, but still we always pay all the bills and always pay more than the minimum on any outstanding debt including my student loans so we don't get way behind and in over our head. It just seems that you're going to keep constantly (or at least monthly) going through this roller coaster of stress if you don't set up a financial plan for yourself. Not that it always works out perfectly but at least if you have a plan there's something to guide you. In the entire time you've been together I don't remember more than maybe a month or two where you weren't telling us that you're stressed becuase you're coming up short and at the same time telling us that Shane has a great income. And I'm sorry but the two just don't click for me. If you said you were always coming up short because just the cost of housing, food and utilities was more than your income that would make sense. But since that's not the case, it seems that it has to be a fixable problem to avoid always having to deal with such money stress, ya know. I'm not trying to be hard on you, just trying to say that it obviously feels bad for you to be dealing with this and that maybe once you find out what his new pay schedule is that you can finally get serious and find a way to avoid this trauma.
Dylan is covered by his father. His insurance is done. That is part of Scott's child support for Dylan....covering his health insurance. So Dylan's meds are fine except just paying the co-pay to get them at the pharmacy. But I'll handle it. It's just one med and the co-pay isn't too bad. I'd actually love to go be a part time temporary helper somewhere and I'm going to look into it just to see what I can do. If I can work from 8-noon or 10-2, I can be at home when Dylan gets out of school and that's all I need. Just a few hours in the morning to occupy myself and to feel like I"m helping.
But if Shane has to pawn his stuff, that's what he has to do. Tax money will come and we'll get it out then.
Mel
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If you want to work a little, you might consider child care.
Kim
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