friend having an abortion
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friend having an abortion
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 1:21pm |
n/t
Edited 1/8/2005 10:23 am ET ET by dontknow2004
Edited 1/8/2005 10:23 am ET ET by dontknow2004
| Sun, 01-02-2005 - 1:21pm |
When she goes in for her appointment, if she indicates in any way that this isn't what she wants or that she was forced into it, the procedure will not happen.
I think that what you need to do is make a decision for yourself. Maybe you are against this to the point that you're not able to be there for her. Then you need to tell her that, while your friendship is still important, you can't help her thru this time in her life. That will allow her to find this support elsewhere. The other choice is to give her your support and be her friend thru this.
Good luck to you.
Your friend may have wanted to get pregnant in thought, but now that things have happened, she's not ready. She's remembering what she went through before, her husband and her don't feel financially sound enough, they're just not ready. Maybe they didn't plan on it happening so soon.
Just because you've had a child you feel that she should go ahead and have this one? Will that make her feel better about herself, or make YOU feel better about her? This is her choice, whether you agree or not. If you are truly a friend you will be there for her, because that's what friends do for each other. Whether it's a boyfriend you don't approve of, a drug/ alcohol problem or the decision to have/ not have a baby, you need to chose if you're going to be her friend or hold this against her.
It may not be YOUR decision given the circumstances, and I can fully understand your confusion- she was going on about not using birth control but doesn't want to have the child that comes from that decision. You can voice your concern, but in the end, the choice is hers.
I wish you both the best through this tough time. Remember, your friend will need some support going through this, not to be condemned. If she says later that she regrets the decision, don't rub it in her face. Everyone has to make tough decisions, and the road chosen may not the best one according to someone else, but it's the best one for that person at the time.
Alison
I understand your point.
I think all you can do is to tell her to really take her time and not rush. Maybe she is just overwhelmed about finding out to be pregnant?
No one is ever ready or has enough money.
I am sure you are glad you made the right decision for you and your daughter - a pat on the back to you.
As someone who went through this recently I felt the need to chime in here. You are her freind and that means that you are there for her in good times and bad and needs only support from you right now. I too was pregnant and believe me a decision to have an abortion is not an easy one---you sit and think about it every second and weigh out the positives negatives over and over and over again...its an agonizing place for her to be in. She may go forward with the decision to abort -- because you care for her just be there...be patient and kind. This is not your decision its hers. Beleive me its not a light one. As to birth control...she ultimatly has many options which I am sure you know but my 2cents is I got a IUD which covers you for 5 years!! Insurance covered this for me 100% -- once its in --no need to check. IF she chooses to have children in the future she then can have it removed and plan for it.
I am sorry your friend is in this place...its obvious by your post that she is important to you and that you care alot about her...so just listen and be there...thats all she needs right now.
MB
You've gotten excellent advice, but I would like to add one thing. For what it's worth, I do understand how you are feeling. You said, "it's not about the abortion as much as her not using anything for so long." Way back in the stone age when I was in college, my best friend got pregnant. She decided to have an abortion. I went with her, and I even paid for it because neither she or her boyfriend had any money. When it was all said and done, she mentioned that she never used any protection, ever, and that she thought it would never happen to her. I didn't even have a boyfriend at that time, and still I thought, "what, are you nuts?" I thought she was the stupidest person on earth for not using anything. So I do understand how you feel about your friend not using anything for so long. Yes, it is puzzling, but there's nothing we can do about someone else's choice. Anyway, in my situation, I was there for my friend, because no matter what she did, she was still my best friend, and I knew she needed me. You may not feel this same way. That's ok too. If you can't be supportive, just pull away from the situation for a while. Maybe once all this blows over, you guys can go back to being friends.
I have one other example. When this same friend got divorced, she turned into a complete "ho" -- and I mean "ho" (waking up next to men she didn't know that were as old as her dad). She lived in Florida at the time, and she would call me weekly to tell me about her exploits. I never agreed with her lifestyle, but I never said a thing. She eventually got tired of "hoing around", and she met the man she eventually married. It was difficult to talk to her in those days. I was never like that, even when I got divorced. And we did become a bit distanced from each other for a while. But, as true friendships can outlast anything, we got over it. And when my exh left me then my exbf ran off with my sister, she was the one I could call at 3:00 a.m. and sob to on the phone.
If your friendship is meant to be, it will survive this. Be there for her if you can. I fyou can't right now, you will at some time. Good luck to you.
Donna