Hi new here, with question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Hi new here, with question.
6
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 1:43pm

Hello,


My name is Stephanie. I am newly separated,(aug 04), although exSO were seeing each other till last weekend, it's over, his decision. Last week I had a "date", it was awful. Any ways, I'm not over my ex, how long did it take to be comfortable dating ? (not that I'm in a hurry)

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 1:57pm
Hi and welcome! I think the timeline is different for everyone. If you try dating and you know you weren't ready, just take a break and focus on yourself for a while. You have to know you are okay and be happy with the state of your life before you can really begin another relationship IMHO.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 2:21pm

Hi Stephanie, welcome to the board!


The standard "rule" if you're looking for one is usually 1 year. A lot of people start dating before that. Most of the time it doesn't seem to work out too well. I would really recommend you not get into anything serious for at least a year.


It can be longer depending on your past relationship. My marriage was abusive emotionally. Then the recommendation by professional counselors is 1 year to recover for each year in the relationship. That was about right for me.


My best advice is go slow, find yourself, don't jump into another relationship. You usually end up in

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 2:35pm

Hi Stephanie,

Welcome!! Sorry to hear about your woes and separation - it sounds like that was not your choice and I am sure that is very hard for you.

I have had a lot of dates that were awful so don't feel bad. :-)

I think that for now you should work on getting divorced and getting your life back together - in all aspects - getting settled in a new house or rearranging the ex out of the old house - working - kids - visitation - finances - etc.. This will make you strong and help ensure you are ready to handle the drama and difficulty of dating and the risk of getting your heart broken again. Not that it is all bad and has to be that way - but dating now is a challenge for all women.

You have to have time to reflect on what you really want in a person and to find yourself again. If you are strong and have a lot to offer then you won't accept something substandard because you feel bad about yourself.

In time you will become better and attract someone better who is "very into you."

HUGS!

Take care of you and stay here - tell us more - how long were you married? How many kids do you have? What do you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 3:42pm

We were not married, common-law, 4 years minus 1 month this is the man I still want to grow old with, we have a son together, Matthew is 3, and lives with his Dad, I also have

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 3:47pm

Candi,


Thank you for the responce. I've been lurking and will continue, lol.


Have a great week-end.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 4:10pm

Stephanie,


I had a friend once who had bpd. I admire you for getting help, it's a hard thing to do.


I think it would make it much easier to overcome what you're dealing with if you aren't dealing with any other relationship or dating issues at the same time. Take LOTS of time for yourself and work through your own difficulties, then you can date and enjoy it a lot more when you feel really good.


take care


Candi