There is an article

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
There is an article
15
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 1:51pm

on Ivillage today that says something about guy behavior, and it made me think of something I wanted to ask you all.


If a guy always holds a pillow when he's sitting on the couch, what does that mean? Do lots of guys do that? Anyone you know?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:06pm

Maybe he has an unnatural need to hold something soft and cuddly?

My guess it's a habit he picked up when he was younger. Like I used to sit indian style a lot (although I think my dd has some new politically correct term for it, oh yeah, it's called pretzel legs in her school)... and I tend to do it even sitting in my cube at work. It doesn't mean anything, I just find it comfortable (although sometimes my arthritic body argues back that, really, it's not a good idea).

Speaking of guy behavior, I just read a book called "The Bastard on the Couch : 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom" Apparently it was a follow up book, the author's wife previously published a book called "The B!tch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage" which I have not read. The book is a bunch of men that wrote letters on their relationships, some of them have never married, some are married, some are divorced. I don't think it's intent is to give women all the answers to why men are the way they are, just stories about these particular men and their perspectives. I enjoyed reading it.

Do you have a link to the ivillage article?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:24pm

the front page of Love and Sex/ivillage has some links in a box titled "the married man's mind", though I think they're more general than that. Several of them are links to cosmo articles, so take them for what they're worth.


I wouldn't call the need to cuddle unnatural...but maybe he does have that need.


I've noticed several guys doing that in social situations. Maybe they don't want the pillow but feel bad about throwing it on the floor? LOL...I also wondered if they were hiding something. KWIM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:30pm
That is so funny Candi!
Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:33pm

I find it SO interesting because my ex hated pillows AND cuddling and was very cold in general. The only time he wanted to be close was sex.


So I guess I found myself wondering if this showed a guy with a softer side. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:35pm

>>>I've noticed several guys doing that in social situations. Maybe they don't want the pillow but feel bad about throwing it on the floor?<<<

Ok, my bf comes over and throws at least one of my side pillows on the floor. Now you've got me wondering what the heck it means?!? He is really big on cuddling.




Edited 1/27/2005 2:39 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:42pm
My ex used to do that. I was forever putting pillows BACK on the couch. He said he didn't like them, he wasn't comfortable with them. Like I said below, he didn't like cuddling either, or having our kids sit on his lap. He said it hurt him. I never got it. I think closeness just bothered him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:49pm

I was thinking about it, and my dd throws the pillows on the floor too. Both of them seek closeness and cuddling (with me, not with each other). I never take the pillows off, although I don't cuddle with them either, and I also enjoy closeness and cuddling.

That is weird that your ex didn't like the children sitting on his lap. My ex can't handle closeness, although he doesn't go so far as to say dd can't sit with him. His idea of intimacy is you are in the same room but sitting on different pieces of furniture. But my ex never took the pillows off and sometimes he would cuddle with the throw pillows. Hmmm.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 2:52pm

well, no good theory there then. Too many variables. LOL


maybe I was just wishing I was the pillow, I'd like some serious cuddling. :)

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:06pm
If that's true, then I guess my J is mush (and yeah, I guess he is) He's as bad as me. Must have a pillow and a blanket when curling up on the couch to watch TV. LOL
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:07pm

Maybe it's both. Maybe my ex holds the pillow because if it's there, nobody can get close to him. Maybe this guy holds the pillow because he needs to be cuddling with something, and perhaps he just has to make do with the pillow for now but would prefer a person. Maybe my bf throws the pillow on the floor so his arms are free for cuddling, or it's that I really don't have a couch, I have a love seat and he's a tall guy so there isn't enough room to start with.

And realistically, I think my dd throws them on the floor so she can jump off the arm and do a sommersault into the middle of it :)

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