He's just not THAT into me...
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| Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:55am |
I wish they had a "Being disappointed" icon. I'm not sad, just disappointed.
Ok, I give up. He's just not THAT into me...
He wrote me on Tuesday to tell me I was right, he shouldn't have shown so much disinterest and that he wanted to see me in April, but he had no time to talk now, had to go, hugs.
Sent him my flight details, but I hadn't booked a flight from Dallas to Fort Hood yet, was waiting to do that in April. So, you'd think I'd have heard something, right? Like " Super! Can't wait, this is great!" Something!! Since he that short conversation before I sent him my details, not a word from him again. He used to take every second of the day to contact me. Which tells me, he has me on invisble mode. I noticed him doing that a few times, but never said anything, so I just deleted my contact information on him now. Figured if I don't see his name with the stupid Icon, I'd feel better and not wonder.
OKAY!!! I'm NOT desperate. I am not sure where he got that idea. Maybe, because I started to call him, or maybe because I was annoying him with my emails and trying to salvage our "whatever" we were having. Soo, obviously, SOMEWHERE, he assumed I must be desperate. Funny man! Their is such a difference between trying to see what is going on with him and wanting an answer and throwing myself at him. Maybe through the emails it came out that way.
I wrote him yesterday (yes, I should of left it alone), told him, in a very very nice and very communicative manner, that I think he got the wrong impression somewhere of who I am. That he started the no communication a few months ago after my birthday. Just stopped! It bummed me out and then, out of the blue, he started up again some weeks ago, and starts the deadly silence again. That I don't take his excuses of no time (when he was even super busy, he made two seconds of time for me). That it wasn't about friendship, because friendship works TOTALLY different (supporting even the bad days, is friendship. Being a real friend and the whole definition of going through the good and the bad and being the shoulder or having a shoulder to talk about things that are on your mind, as well as laughing it up) and that I won't be seeing him in April, because he has proved now, that I won't be anything more than a vacation shag. It sounds bad, but believe me, I wrote it in a manner that it just said "I'm disappointed in your actions, that I have done what I could on my side to understand you, but, you obviously have other your reasons and I won't contact you again."
No more excuses. I tried now for 5 days. Its ridiculous. I'm not a door mat. I'm not the in-between gap. What pisses me off, is just the fact, that he has no backbone to just say "Hey, I'm just not THAT into you afterall." OR something, ANYTHING. Deadly silence, just is the worst. It's more hurtful then the truth. I know I don't have to worry that something is wrong, because it isn't. He's just being a jerk. And I'M NOT INTO THAT. It just shows me that he isn't reliable. Not as a friend, not as anything else. I'm moving on... NEXT! Ok, so maybe I'm not just disappointed, or sad, maybe I'm just really angry and pissed beyond belief!

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Hey sweetie...I am sharing in your pain this week. Jerry pulled with me Tuesday night I need some time to sort out what I want. He then proceeded to ask me if he could still talk to me. I said no..Im not going to continue talking to you for you to maybe up and decide that you dont want me. So this is day 3 of no contact...I too am angry hurt and disappointed and a little confused when the night before we went to a play and dinner and had a great night? My ex husband did the same thing in the end. I thought things were great...and I got the I am just not in love with you anymore...it was the day after an amazing date and made love all night....I was like whaaaat????
Anyway you deserved honesty, you deserve love and respect. I am so sorry for your pain...and my above words were to let you know I understand.
2 books I have read in last 2 days...
Dont call that man
Journey from abandonment to healing
hugsssssssssssssss
MB
I know you are hurting though and I know how much it took you, to try to trust him again after everything last year. I think it's good that you said "No contact!" Do the best you can on sticking to that. You deserve soo much better and I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but you do.
Tell me how were the books? Something that you really noticed that helped you?
What are you feeling inside right now?
I usually cry it out one day, I used to do it for months and feel awful. I only did my one day cry this week, but I got my period today, so I know where that came from. Now that I got my period, I am back to normal and Ian ignoring me, doesn't bother me, it's his loss. I'm ok and I actually really want to go out dancing tonight and have a fun night. It's been a long time since I've had a fun night and I feel like I deserve one today. I just wish I had a girlfriend to do it with.
Dissappointment, sadness, anger... they are all normal emotions to go through. I think one problem is that a lot of relationships don't work out, but in your case you are doing it long distance and have never been together. That is really really hard.
I went through this at Christmas, no word from my bf, nothing. Then two weeks later he did the same thing, only this time it was only for a couple days. We always see each other on the Friday that dd goes to her dad's, but that weekend I didn't hear from him until Sunday. The thing was, I couldn't have seen him until Sunday anyway. I car shopped Friday night, worked Saturday morning, and bought my car Saturday afternoon, and then I was exhausted so I slept. What I wanted to tell him was how much it upset me that he couldn't just say, "Hey, I'm busy but I'll call you Sunday." I would have been fine with that. And the same for Christmas, I *planned* on spending it alone but I did call and he should have called me back to let me know what was going on (as it turns out he had something important going on and he says he thought he did tell me). What I did say to him was that when I don't hear from him I don't know why and it confuses me, I just don't know what to think. The next weekend he had something he had to do and he called and let me know. So I think my message got through. Time will tell. But I found that I have pulled back emotionally somewhat now (because I truly thought I was being dumped) and I need to talk to him about the future again because I want some assurance about what he wants before I dive back in again. I love him and I think our relationship has so much good, but I can't keep getting the rug pulled out from under me like that. His decision to stay or move away is his choice, but I'm on this roller coaster too and I need to be in the loop so to speak.
For you and Ian, you don't get to see him and get reassurance from him directly. I know my bf is not that into talking on the phone, and sometimes when I think he's not into me there he is on my doorstep. I know my fear of abandonment plays into it some, but it's also just common courtesy to call and let me know what's going on even if he doesn't want to talk about it. It sounds like you are taking a healthy attitude about this because you are willing to let him go now that you see you are not getting what you need. But I am sorry you have to go through it :(
Main thing for me right now, is going through the problems I have about self confidence in myself. I used to have so much, but went through so many failures with my relationships, my health, my careers, my everything, that I realize that I am really attracting unhealthyness, because I have become so unhealthy. Sick attracts sick. I have been playing the victim for WAY too long these years and only BAD LUCK has happened and now I just have got to put a STOP to it all. It really has to end. I am just having the hardest time overcoming the baby steps, because I am still here in Germany and this last part with moving, is probably the overall hardest thing I need to overcome. If I can overcome that obstacle with finding a job, house, debt in order, etc, then I know I have my life with a brand new start and can then concentrate on making it good and having confidence in myself that I can do it. I have never lacked so much confidence, as I do now. It is awful, I mean, seeing myself in the mirror now, from a power woman, who made everything possible, into a sad, lonely and scared individual is soo pathetic. I'm sooooooooooooooooooo over it!!!
What are things that one can do? Do I look in the mirror everyday and say," you are a wonderful person, you are perfect, you can do this, you can overcome this, do not be a victim." What are some of things that you can do to get yourself back on track? I am so baffeled by that question. I don't want a therapy here, because i can't make myself be understood due to the language barrier. My german is great, but it's not fluent in that sense. Does that make sense? I want to be able to just talk, get it out, without translating it in my head. Therefore, I'd be happier to just get through it for another year by myself. So, any tips? LOL
I know what you mean about losing that trust when someone hurts you and then tries to come back to you. Once I have lost some sort of feeling of trust, I cannot almost never fully trust that person again. That core is lost.
I am not sure if I lost trust in him, I think it's more that I backed off from the emotional investment I was making. I still have all those feelings for him, but I need some more confidence in how he is feeling. We just keep going back and forth with he's staying or he's moving away, and I can tolerate a certain amount of it... and I'm also willing to take the risk that I may make more of an emotional investment and then it will all end, but I need to know that he's taking the same risk I'm taking, that he feels invested too.
What helps me (although I do go to therapy too) is to write it all down. I just type and type and get it all out. I don't usually need to go back and look at it later, just getting it out helps me see the picture clearer. Whenever I feel the emotions bubbling up and I feel confused, I just write (actually I write as if I'm writing to someone, usually my bf). I always feel better afterward.
Cat, my friend, sorry things turned out this way with Ian. But that's ok. You're better than all that -- you deserve someone who will be totally into you. And he's out there.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go to a counselor where you are. Keep posting. Onceyou get in the states, you can call me any time, and I'll call you. You just need a really good girlfriend to talk to.
I still struggle with self-confidence issues. And yes, some days, I have to literally tell myself that I'm ok, that I'm a good person. I gave myself that kind of a pep talk before I went to my parents' house on Christmas when I knew my sister and my ex were going to be there. There she was, all phoney with her plastic boobs, and I just had to keep telling myself that I looked good, and that mine may be smaller than hers, but there real.LOL. Your mind can mess you up if you let it. You literally have to "positive talk" yourself. It works for me. What also helps is surrounding yourself with positive people -- girlfriends that can see how wonderful you are without being jealous. And I know that's hard where you live -- but you always have us here on the board. You know we all love you and think you're great!!
Hang in there and have a great weekend.
Donna
I am sorry you are sad. But I think you should let him go.
You need someone here for you now - not too far away - and TOTALLY wild and into YOU. You will find him.
I am surprised you haven't met anyone on that long train ride?
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