I met ex-h's gf
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| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 2:56pm |
She was nice, just as I suspected. I am 5'0" and 103 lbs (at the moment, I've gained some lately) and she looked TINY compared to me. She must have the worlds skinniest bones. She was cute and stylish. DD likes her an that is what is most important. Nothing earth shattering happened. DD's party was at one of those paint-your-own-ceramic places and there were 8 kids (DD turned 5 on the 4th of July). They painted and we had pizza and cake. All the kids had fun and the parents seem to enjoy hanging out and talking (most of them know each other from dd's school). I talked to the gf a little, but I also talked to all the parents a lot too. Ex-h and his gf spent a while talking to our former neighbor and she invited them over for dinner I guess for this weekend, I'm not sure, which is a little weird because they were one of our 'couple' friends, but not too weird I guess.
I talked to my ex-h earlier this week about the idea of moving again. As I suspected his relationship is going well (I got that sense from dd and hearing about all the family events they've been attending together, her family), and he isn't interested in moving back to Colorado at this point. I wasn't surprised. I had a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself to be stuck here, now alone, and with no family. I am so much closer to my mom and sister now and I really need them. But after my pity party was over I started thinking of how I could accept staying here, and I realized that my biggest problem right now is living in a town where I am not going to stay (it's too far from work, and no need to be up north since my ex-h went back to his old job south of us). I need to be settled. I can't make friends here because I know I won't be staying here.
So this week I talked to my realtor and his mortgage guy and I got preapproved. I know the area I would like to live in, but I don't have much cash now so we all thought it made more sense to wait until the end of this year to buy something (I will have some savings then, maybe enough for the closing costs and then I'd do an 80/20 loan). It means dd would start kindergarden where she is now (private montessori school) and then switch mid-year to public school (the only reason she's not going to public school in the fall is that I knew we'd be moving in the next year or so and I didn't want her to have started 3 new schools in 3 years by the time she gets to first grade).
Where I can afford to live is pretty far from here, way west. Moving means my ex-h would have to move too. So this week after he said he was not interested in Colorado now, I told him my plan and were I was thinking of looking. He said he likes that area and would be willing to move there. So that's the plan now.
Once I move there is no chance my x-bf and I could reconcile (probably very little chance of it happening either way). It's at least an hour 1/2 from him (and hour from where I am now). That is good because it gives me several months get to the point of accepting that relationship is behind me and maybe when I move I'll be at the point I'll consider getting back out there in the dating world. Maybe.


This is a good update. I am glad to hear dd's bday party went so well and you handled meeting the gf okay. The ceramic painting is a lot of fun and pizza and cake and adult socialization sound just yummy!!
You also did good to accept the decision about Colorado. And I like how you are looking into housing and thinking about the future for YOU.
Your thought process is so positive and so strong. Thanks for your update. I was just going to post one about me.
I know that good things are going to come for you, First!!
I do want to add that although you really want to go to Colorado, living near family is not all you might think it would be. It leaves a lot of room for expectations and arguing for when to see each other and how to do the holidays and other stuff. I think I enjoyed my parents and sister more when I would visit them a couple of times per year. Although maybe my divorce had a lot to do with that, too.
My plan is that I will work into my budget to be able to go home 2-3 times per year. The airline tickets for dd and I are usually $500-$600 which is a lot, but once I get there it's pretty much free. Sometimes I save money because I eat my mom or my sister's food for a week, and the little I do spend on food or things for dd is less than I'd spend on gas and groceries if I was at home. I can get my mind around not living near my mom and sister, but I still feel I am missing so much not seeing my niece and nephew growing up and dd not growing up with them. I'm just going to do my best to keep a strong bond with them and between the children. I was thinking maybe in a few years my sister and I could plan a joint family trip to Disney World, and one summer I could rent a place at the shore for a week if my family would come out here. I'm thinking things like that will compensate for not being there, so I just have to budget for that because seeing them isn't ever free.
Those are good ideas.
My sister's kids live literally 5 minutes from here and we never spend that much time because the kids are in school, have a lot of homework and numerous after-school activities. Plus she is with her husband and family and his family on the weekends. And they have a busy social life.