QOTW - Infatuation "junkies"
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QOTW - Infatuation "junkies"
| Sat, 07-16-2005 - 7:55am |
Another dating board was discussing a commitmentphobe.
There was a statement made that you could be attracting one if you are an "infatuation junkie" - that is you really love and partake in the initial rush of a new relationship when it is in the infatuation stage and you don't take the time to go slow and look for red flags.
I know I have been that way in the past and have worked to temper that now.
How do you all feel about infatuation? Do you love it and don't worry about it? Try to temper it? What are your experiences?
Tell us!!

Several years back, I picked up a book written by an anthropologist on the subject of relationships. She had a lot of information from very different areas, including the study of courtship in all sorts of animals and how that relates to humans, statistics from national census figures around the world, etc.
She had a section in there that dealt with infatuation that was very interesting. There is apparently a chemical component to infatuation that can be detected with lab tests. The hormones released are the same and at the same level as an excitement junkie such as a skydiver or a bungee jumper gets just as they jump.
This state seems to be normal and lasts anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months, with 18 months being the normal outside length of time. There are, however, some people who apparently never get over it.
For me, I will not get into a relationship if that feeling of euphoria is not there. And I find that it can stay for as long as the relationship is decent. I may be one of those people that never get over it. I am however, able to set that feeling aside and walk away if my head tells me that it isn't the right relationship - which most people who are infatuated do not seem to be able to do.
To me, if I'm not "head over heels in love", then what's the sense of pursuing the relationhship? Because I'm "head over heels in like"??? Might as well marry a car if that's all that I was settling for.
However, I do look for red flags even in the midst of infatuation. I don't know about going slow, though. I think that I can see clearly enough to know what I need to know very, very quickly. Actually, I've ended things very quickly because of those red flags rather than moved them along too quickly. As for the other person, if she isn't infatuated with me, that's not just a red flag, it ends it right there.
Michael
I admit to being an infatuation junkie when I was younger.That's probably even how I got into my marriage. Everyone was afraid that this wasn't going to work out, and even I couldn't see us together as old people. But at the time, I was so in love, actually in love with being in love, that I went through with it.
Since my divorce, I have kinda taken the polar opposite. My cousin said once that there are only two ways a dating relationship is going to end, you either break up or you get married. If you know you're not going to marry someone, why keep wasting your time with them until someone gets hurt? Now I am probably too critical, and look for flaws right way. Of the people I have met since my divorce, on two have gotten a second date and only one got a third date.
>>My cousin said once that there are only two ways a dating relationship is going to end, you either break up or you get married. If you know you're not going to marry someone, why keep wasting your time with them until someone gets hurt?
My theory is very similar - you should be able to tell fairly soon if a relationship is