I went! Now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
I went! Now what?
7
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 10:27am

I went to my boss's church dinner/dance last night. I had a great time. It was great just to get out of the house and be with other grownups. I haven't been out in so long! My boss's brother that I have the crush on was there. He apparently didn't have a date, and hung around with his best friend and the friend's date or my boss and his girlfriend when I wasn't with them. We stared at each other all night long. Every time I looked, he was looking at me. At the end of the evening, I was sitting ten feet behind him and his friend, and he would turn completely around to make eye contact with me and smile at least once every two minutes. There was no one sitting behind me, I checked. LOL The thing is, he had numerous opporutnities to talk to me all night, several times I was alone, and a lot more times I was chatting with his brother and/or brother's girlfriend, so why did he not ever talk to me? (Backstory: we have met twice before, both times when he came by the office to meet his brother. Both times we couldn't take our eyes off each other but when we tried to talk to each other we were both tongue tied and babbled like idiots. This guy makes public presentations for a living so I'm guessing that doesn't happen to him often.) It was like I had some kind of invisible force field. LOL He would just smile and walk past me. Twice he almost ran into someone because he was looking at me and not where he was going. I even decided the next time he walked past, I would tell him that he was a great dancer, but he didn't get close enough for me to say it without shouting. All in all, I still had a great time and I'm glad I went.

Kelly
PS - You know what I just realized? I should change my name. No one was who I was after ten years of having my self esteem beaten down by my ex. I'm not that person any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: justno1
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 12:56pm

Well, I'm glad you went and had a good time! Sounds to me like maybe this guy is a little shy about making that first move. I think you might have to start out the conversation the next time you see him- tell him you thought he was a good dancer that night. Find out if he took lessons.

As far as the name change, it won't change who YOU are inside. You should work on becoming more comfortable within your own skin and being who you are, rather than trying to hide and become someone else. Do a little soul searching to rediscover that person that was knocked down all those years. But do not forget that you might not find ALL that person anymore, you have been through a lot, you are older and wiser now, and your values have changed. Figure out what is important to you now, and learn to forgive those years that you were kept from being the real you, but remember those years helped to shape who you are today. But if you really want to change it, by all means, do- just find out the cost involved for all aspects of a legal change before you commit to one.

Let us know how the next meeting goes!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: justno1
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 1:53pm

I'm assuming she meant change her USERname, not her legal name. Every time I see someone with a username that indicates how hurt they were from a separation, breakup or divorce I assume one day when they are past all that hurt they will change their username. Seeing that username might be a reminder of who she used to be that she doesn't need any longer if she's moved on and grown as a person. (Edit: The reason I assume she meant username because she said "I should change my name. No one was who I was after ten years of having my self esteem beaten down by my ex." and her username is "justno1" thus the reference to her name being "No one").

Kelly - that is weird that he didn't talk to you. It sounds like a fun evening, but if he can't talk to you, dating or having a relationship might be kinda hard. I wonder if there is something holding him back, like could he be seeing anyone else?




Edited 7/17/2005 5:04 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: justno1
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 4:33pm

This is a very nice story - and a step. Be patient and wait for him to make the move. It is okay to strike up a conversation and smile. He just has to get the courage and make his decision to come after you.

When will you see him again?

BTW - changing your name is not what makes you "you" again - this is a feeling that must come from inside. It sounds like you are already there - but as Alison said - you should check out the costs and hassles involved. I did keep my married name although I am not crazy about it - because everyone in my profession knows me that way - and also because it is the same as my son's last name - makes it easier on him. And I don't feel that it connects me in any way with my ex. I am so over him and moved on- it is like he doesn't even count. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: justno1
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 1:51pm

Of course, that would make sense if Kelly is talking of her USER name! LOL! In which case, by all means! Just make sure you mention who you WERE in the first few posts so we don't get you confused!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
In reply to: justno1
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 6:36am

Yes everyone, I meant my user name! I changed my last name back when the divorce was final, because I didn't like the name very much and it sounded funny with my first name. It hasn't mattered much, people who knew me when I was married still call me by my married name all the time, and I still answer them. But "Just No One" was who I felt I was after 10 years of a marriage I should have never gotten in to. I am someone now. I'm still not 100% sure who sometimes, but I am not No One. LOL

As for the crush, he isn't attached, my boss and his best friend were discussing him recently, that he had not dated anyone seriously in a long, long time, that he works a lot, is really getting ahead in his career, and he's involved in volunteer/community service projects and so forth. (They're sponsored by his church, which is a different religion than I am, or his work, so much for joining one to get in with him, not that I would have time anyway!) The first time I met him, he flirted with me, and I think my boss noticed, but boss didn't say anything to me about it. The second time, he was with his best friend, his brother (my boss) and his brother's best friend, and they were all talking to him and not paying a whole lot of attention to me, but still, every time I looked at him, he was looking at me. He made an effort to walk away from them and come talk to me, but we couldn't manage to get a conversation off the ground for babbling like idiots and then his best friend wandered over and took over the conversation. (he has a tendency to do that no matter where he is or who he's with) They had to leave to go drop off the best friend, and he and my boss were supposed to come back because they were meeting someone at the office to go off. When they left, he told me "I'll talk to you in a little while." not see ya or good bye or whatever and the way he looked at me, I felt like he meant when he got back and didn't have the best friend around. But then the other friend called and had them meet him somewhere else, so he didn't come back that day. As for when I'll see him again, I have no idea.

So I still have no idea why he wouldn't talk to me this time.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: justno1
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 2:01pm

I think you just have to be patient and wait for him to get his nerve up or overcome whatever barrier is in his mind.

Keep us posted!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
In reply to: justno1
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 2:17pm
Justno1 could also be Just#1 with a teeny change -- but what a huge change in attitude!
Stephanie
Stephanie