Single moms experiences with men & kids
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Single moms experiences with men & kids
| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 9:04am |
Eric's post has been great for us to read and prompts my curiosity on something.
Have any single moms here seen a guy who is unsure about dating a mom with children warm up to them? Or do you think that a guy who doesn't like the idea at first just gets more turned off as he goes?
Do you think men are open to this? Please share your experiences!! I welcome all - all who usually post, all alumni, all lurkers!!

There was once that I thought I had a really good thing going. A new guy started hanging around with some of my friends. The guy seemed really into me, and friends thought we were destined for happily ever after. Then he quickly found out I had kids (I couldn't believe he didn't know it all along, I have "mom" written all over me! LOL) and bolted. We still remain good friends, and sometimes I even see a little something more when I do something for him or for whatever reason we have a moment of closeness. He even seems fond of my kids when they're around. But I have long ago accepted that there will never be anything more than that because of my kids, and it's his loss. That's the closest I have ever come to having someone warm up to the kids. Any other time that the kids have been an issue, I never heard from him again.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to warm someone up to the idea I have kids, I'm all ears. There is a friend of a friend who backed off when he found out I had kids that I would like to get to know better.
Just my 2c.
Kelly
Well i was actually in this situation about a year ago. I met a wonderful guy online, few months after i had my daughter. We hit it off really really well, and decided to get together. We did, and things went great. I had decided in the beginning not to tell him that i had a child at first, just to see if he was really interested in me or not. Me being 19, and him being 24 we're both young. Priorities to people my age are parties, parties, and parties. And even without my daughter, that has never been me. We started casually dating, and a month into it i told him about my daughter. He was a little shocked, but loved it. He would play with her, and just adored her. He even invited me and her last year to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. It was wonderful. The thing that was great is, his father died when he was a baby. And his mother had to a single mother for the first few years of his life, until she met his step-father and had two more child. We later split, because of him going to Afghanistan...but he was wonderful and loved having my daughter around.
He was the only guy that i dated after i had my daughter, besides her father. I have corresponded with guys since then, and all of them once i told them about having a child, quickly changed the tune in their conversation. I decided when i date someone to tell them upfront about her. I felt not doing so is lying. Well when i do tell them, they bolt. The one time i didn't tell someone, they stayed. Talk about catch 22!
Yes, if anyone can tell me how to not have men be scared of a woman who has child. I mean i'm a single mom of one. I handle my business. When i'm not at school, i'm visiting family, or at home with my daughter. I don't do drugs, smoke, drink, or go to clubs like most young people i know do. Most men that you meet, once they find out you have a child...think you want something. Think you are desperate, think you need someone to play daddy, think you need someone to pay your bills, think you will sleep with anything that is walking. I'm a very attractive woman, and i know this. I don't have a problem meeting men, when i really want to. But, i want a man that is seeking after God. I know that when God brings that person to me, he won't be scared off by the fact that i have a dd. I know that was a little in depth. Just my 2cents.
Yasmari
My x-bf was never not open to it. In his email to me on the personals site at the end said something like "I have a beautiful 6 year old son and if that is a problem for you, I wish you luck in your search." I loved that, it was exactly how I felt too.
When I had my ad online I always said I had a child in my profile, so I'm guesing guys who had a problem with it never responded.
I really haven't met women anywhere except online. Because of my age, people really don't "hang out" in groups anymore where you have the chance to meet a friend of a friend. I don't do bars anymore (I never drank, but liked the music and company sometimes) because I was hit on too many times by women who were waaaay too forward. My other circle of friends are so married that the only singles are my kids' age, or if they are my age, they're so "independent" that they don't seem to need me in their life.
Anyway, removing all that stuff leaves the internet. I also quit the OLD sites since I was looking for marriage instead of a "date". I went to what could be called "On Line Marriage" instead. However, when I used the search engines on those sites, I always included that the woman should have children. I almost never looked at women that didn't have children. My kids are all but gone now, but my child centered values are the same and I just don't deal well with someone who doesn't also have those values.
There are some guys that will change and come to like the kids, but I think it's best to be upfront and let people know that you have children right away. It acts as a filter that lets the guys through that value children and keeps out the guys that just want to run around or who don't like children.
I really think it's a bad idea to ever think that you can change a man's feelings towards children or that he will grow to like them. It may happen, but it's a lot more likely not to happen and very likely to be really bad for your kids.
Michael