Feeling a lot better and worse!
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| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 11:31pm |
So all of the drama (for those who have been reading) went down on Tuesday. Well i don't know if he's been served those restraining order papers or not. However, i can't believe how much havoc i let this boy reap. I feel pretty good about him being gone. At times i'm a little sad that i don't have someone here keeping me company. Then in the same thought, i think of all the drama that goes along with him. I haven't even considered calling or going by there.
The problem is now. Since i let this person mess my life up so much, i have to clean up all the mess. Figure out what i'm going to do right now. I know now it looks bleak, but i know that it can be done. First thing is first, figure out what i am going to do about school. Any advice from anyone, on cleaning up the mess after the ex wrecks your life? I even had to go through and clean my whole house, since he didn't help with any of the cleaning. Until then, stay blessed!
Yasmari

Yasmari,
Be proud that you did take that first step. And remember, you're not alone, you have a child at home for company, have some fun- set up a "tent" in the livingroom and watch movies, or go for a nice walk after dinner. Call up some girlfriends you haven't chatted with for a while and catch up. Get some books from the library and have some quiet time with them. Just find something to do that interests you so that you don't feel bored- and thus compelled to call him.
As for school, you need to do what will be the best for you. And the best advice I got when I was thinking about going to college for a 10 month program was from my mother, who said, "well, the 10 months will go by either way, and if you take the course you will be that much further ahead for being able to get a good job". So I took the schooling, and yes, I have student loan debt, but it's so cheap to pay back that I don't even notice it- and I make GREAT money now.
Once you get re-establised as a person, then you can get out and meet people, and maybe even go on dates. But do take the time to reconnect with you, and to be a mom to your child- not just someone's gf. Yes, it's lonely to be without a man, but you'll never know how strong you are if you're always just going from one relationship to another- take a break for a little and just be you. Once you feel confident in that role, then you can go and date men, and it could be weeks, months or years- but don't rush it. And certainly test out a few men, don't just rush into something with the first guy that gives you any attention.
Take your time and get to know the guy, and if he's not up to par, then don't date him anymore. You do not have to save anyone, you do not have to wait for him to make a decision about his life, you do not have to just settle for less than a great guy. Figure out what you're looking for in a relationship and go from there. My checklist was, has to have a job, doesn't matter if it's a great job that makes lots of money, just a job that he's working hard at and isn't the kind of guy who job hops every 2 months. Must be self sufficient- ie, not living with mommy and daddy as a full grown adult. Sure, there are a million reasons that people have to move back in with their parents, and that's fine, but it's just not for me. No drug or alcohol addictions, not going through that again. And that was the basics for me- wasn't picky about eye colour or how tall they are (other than must be taller than me LOL!).
Good luck!
Alison
Cleaning the house is certainly a start and one that I would do!!
Alison gives EXCELLENT advice as always. Just take each day one day at a time and keep your shoulders to the grindstone. Yes it is lonely being alone and without a man - but you want to put your life back together so you will make a better choice the next time. We all tend to make better decisions when the stakes are high - we want more and are not so apt to accept less than we deserve.
Stay here and keep us posted as you go!!