BF's and patience and understanding of X
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BF's and patience and understanding of X
| Thu, 08-04-2005 - 1:40pm |
Anyone else relate to difficulty in relationships IF you have a difficult X ?
My X is posterman for deadbeat dad= doesnt pay childsupport and sporatically shows up for visitation. My current boyfriend gets really angry at X's behaviour and lack of responsibility. Mostly because he is a upstanding father to his children and cannot fathom treating his children the way my x husband does. He has admitted that it has been a adjustment having to learn how to deal with the situation when he has no control over it.
Anyone else out there have trouble dating when you have a LOSER EX

That must be frustrating for you.
I think if I was you I would try to be glad the ex, while not the model father like your bf, is not causing trouble. It can always be worse.
You can't control what your ex does, but you can downplay the consequences because you have no choice and you don't want them wreaking havoc in your life.
I think you have to tell your bf that it would be great if your ex was like him, but then if he was you would still be with him!!
Do you think that part of the problem is because you are stressed at not getting any help or support or just because your bf doesn't like the situation? I almost don't like his reaction because he is making it worse on you and that is not fair.
I am sure you will get some better answers. Sorry you have to go through this!!
yeah, I've been there. My SO's ex was super duper irresponsible at first...though I must admit she has gotten MUCH better. It was frustrating to have to cancel plans when she'd call at the last minute to say she wasn't coming to get the boys for various reasons...but mostly, it upset me because I cared for these kids, and I couldn't believe how little disregard their own mother had for them.
Truth is there is nothing you or your SO can do about his behavior, so the best thing you can do is focus on what you can control. Try to have backups in place incase he cancels on you at the last minute. Show your kids how much you love them and always make them feel special and wanted regardless of what message they're getting from their other parent.
Also, from experience I have to tell you, your BF needs to back off and let it go. There is no use getting angry about what your ex is doing, it isn't going to fix anything and it is only going to make things more stressful for you. If he cares about you and the kids, he'll find ways to turns things positive not negative. Don't let him drag you deeper into the muck.