Hmm...dating/sex ?
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Hmm...dating/sex ?
| Sun, 08-14-2005 - 6:16pm |
Had my second date with my nice guy. I have to tell you I really like this dating thing better at this age as opposed to being in my twenties! It seems there are no games and I am finding myself to be much more upfront. A new one for me! Anyways, I am being curious and thinking about the deed....hmm...how long do you wait until your intimate? I am thinking, we like each other and are both adults so I don't know why I am having a hard time deciding, it's a no brainer! I don't want him to think I am easy, and in fact joked about it last night and told him I was playing hard to get! I know I won't be able to hold out on our third date!!!!!! So, I am hoping the thirds a charm, we'll see. I'd love to hear some feedback about how long others have waited, etc. Feeling naive at 38!

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Well, I think it depends on the person. If you're wanting to, then do, don't wait for some pre-determined number of dates to dictate. Just remember that once you involve sex into the equation, then your judgement may become cloudy, and you may put up with things in the guy that you might not otherwise. If you like the guy, and the feeling is mutual, then why not take it to the next level if you're wanting to?
Of course, SAFE sex is the MOST important thing, at ANY age.
Just ensure that you're both on the same page, if you're looking to build a relationship and he's just out for a quick romp in the hay, you may want to pass. It's never a wise idea to *put out* in the hopes that the guy will stick around for more- that's the WRONG reason to have sex.
But go, have fun and enjoy yourself, and of course, keep us posted...
Alison
I want to agree 100% with what Alison said about safe sex. Condoms do not provide good protection against many STDs. I think single moms run the risk of contracting STDs just because we feel footloose and fancy free once we get the chance to date again.
I don't sleep with a man unless we're in a monogamous relationship and STD-free.
Welcome and congrats on finding someone you like.
I ditto what fivesense is saying. Of course your body wants a romp - but you must use your head. Make sure that what you want is what he wants - and I would venture to guess that is a monogamous relationship with no STDs.
Also, there is one more argument for waiting longer to have sex - and that is so that you can develop a relationship/friendship first and not go too fast. I find that when I have sex too soon I get attached emotionally too quickly. And as Alison said, you tend to have your judgement clouded.
There is more risk to going too soon than to waiting. But we are all adults and entitled to our own opinion - so you have to do what is right for you.
Hopefully we have helped - and I am sure there will be more opinions on this matter.
Good luck!!
Keep us posted!!
One more thought - you should visit the Dating Doyenne board and see what all of the girls are saying about having sex very soon and then wondering why the guy never calls again. It is sobering.
I am just a bit older than you and have found that dating is very different now from what it was when I was young. Many guys are used to casual sex and see nothing wrong with having a girl be there for "just a booty call" and they don't really want a relationship or to be exclusive. They are the ones who come on real strong in the beginning.
I felt bad after I typed all of that because I can tell you are happy and in the first days euphoria and I felt like I might be popping your balloon.
But the casual attitude towards casual sex is something I have learned the hard way and want to make sure you go with your eyes open.
Keep us posted!!
Hey! Have you had your 3rd date yet? How was it? Listen I know you got alot of sound advice from the other posters, but I just wanted to add my two cents in.
I slept with my SO on our second date. Yup. Can't say I'd recommend that others do the same, but for me it worked out! I followed my instincts and I knew that he was a good guy.
Seriously though, you did get some good advice and not everyone waits as long as they probably should. I think the key here is to see how the guy is following your lead. Is he pushing for it? OR does he seem willing to go more at your pace? If he was seriously pushing or pressuring you into it, I would hesitate...but if you are both naturally just leading up to it and he has been treating you well, I don't see why you can't do it when you want to. One good way to gauge him is to make him get an STD test first. It is a VERY smart move on any woman's part and if he is willing to do this before you have sex the signs are good. Plus you'll have piece of mind knowing the results. You should get one too and share the results with him.
There is something to consider though, that sexual tension you share when you haven't had sex yet and you really want to...once you do, you can't quite get that back, so savor it!
Good luck and I'd love to hear more about your date!
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