How will I know if I can live with it?
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How will I know if I can live with it?
| Mon, 08-15-2005 - 3:29pm |
Had a talk with my mom yesterday. She and my dad met BF and his son for the first time. My mom and dad think he is nice. And then my mom said to me in the middle of a discussion"...there is no perfect, you are going to find flaws with him and he will find flaws in you...you have to decide what you can live with." I know what she is saying, and I agree with her, BUT how do I know if I can live with it? For example...I am 98% of the time on time, BF is not, but BF also is in a business where things can pop up at last minute and schedules change he is used to it, I am not.
How can I seperate the big flaws from the little flaws?
I am afraid I am going to convince myself now that I can live with a flaw, and then that flaw become part of the reason a marriage fails. It's kind of like in the movie Forget Paris when Billy Crystal and Debra Winger are in the hotel room and they are discussing who sleeps with the window open and leaving the cap on the toothpaste.....they seem trivial now, but years go by and it becomes a hot topic!
I guess I am entering paranoia mode. I was in sappy mode yesterday as I watched BF and his son and my daughter play. We were family yesterday....and it's something I want so badly.
How can I seperate the big flaws from the little flaws?
I am afraid I am going to convince myself now that I can live with a flaw, and then that flaw become part of the reason a marriage fails. It's kind of like in the movie Forget Paris when Billy Crystal and Debra Winger are in the hotel room and they are discussing who sleeps with the window open and leaving the cap on the toothpaste.....they seem trivial now, but years go by and it becomes a hot topic!
I guess I am entering paranoia mode. I was in sappy mode yesterday as I watched BF and his son and my daughter play. We were family yesterday....and it's something I want so badly.

My mom says anyone deciding to marry someone should be in therapy to make sure they are making a good decision (this is advice she'd like to go back in time and give to herself). The idea is a well qualified, unbiased third party can help you figure out if you are talking yourself into a bad decision, or having normal worries that come even with a good decision. I intend to follow her advice, but I'm her dd and I already have an awesome therapist. I think in general you have to be honest with yourself and know that you don't want it so bad that you would talk yourself into making a mistake. You want to want it because it is right.
>>>Debra Winger are in the hotel room and they are discussing who sleeps with the window open and leaving the cap on the toothpaste.....they seem trivial now, but years go by and it becomes a hot topic!<<<
You'd have to deal with the window or the toothpaste or something no matter who you are with. It's one of those things that sometimes being with someone is harder than being alone because of all the negotiation and petty stuff like this, but that being with someone usually has so many benefits you learn to let that stuff go. If you don't let the toothpaste cap get on your nerves down the road, then it won't get on your nerves, you control that. I think when I find that someone, as long as the sex is good, he cares about me and we love and respect each other, the toothpaste will not be an issue.
Edit: I'm glad your mom liked him... that is on my list, find someone my mom likes (not sure it's possible, but gosh it would be nice).
Edited 8/15/2005 3:38 pm ET ET by firstamendment
If your mom liked him, then that sounds like a good endorsement.
Why are you wondering about this? What else is going on? Have you been thinking about leaving him?
I think you can learn to live with tooth paste caps and open windows. The point is that he has to be considerate, treat you nice and generally be an asset to the relationship.
When their is a problem or annoyance can you both respect each other and find a win win solution?
If you don't respect each other's minds and try to make each other happy then you have a problem.
He sounds good to me - keep us posted or tell us more if you want.
Ive learned some things.
Ive learned that if he is a good man with a good heart, its best to laugh over the toothpaste cap.
Ive learned that if he loves you and only wants what is best for you, that it is best to laugh over him always being late.
We worry about so many things th at are NOT important, and forget to care about the things that ARE:
Does he RESPECT YOU??
Does he LIKE YOU? (and DO YOU LIKE HIM?)
Do you have similar goals? The rest is simply liking vanilla over chocolate!!!
Gina/39/FL
That is the golden rule and standard!! Very well said!! I will remember that.