Thank you and more

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thank you and more
4
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:16pm
I've been the best person I can be and have been told that I'm hard to approach. I'm very independent. I really don't need a man. I want one. I have to ask anyone for help I can do anything. I have been told to seem more needy like when I have a flat tire and someone offers to help me let them but I don't see why I can do that myself. Do I need to change? I haven't been looking and that didn't work so now I feel like I need to look or I will not find. There are no local sporting events and in an effort to do the best I can with my kids I have no time. My mom tells me that they are my time. That leaves my ex to watch them and he is always changing plans and I can't make any. Maybe I'm going about this all the wrong way. Does anyone know where I could find a group of friends? I don't really have any friends to go out with. Maybe I just need some friends. Any suggestions? Everyone I know is married and I'm tired of my daughter thinking I'm a sad person because I can't find a man when her dad always has a new girl. She is only 7 and asking why I can't find a guy. My son on the other hand is more than happy to have his mom all to himself. My life is in such rut. I'm going back to school. I work in a mall. I shop at hardware stores. Maybe I'm just not looking but wow it is hard. I guess I just want to know why it is so hard for me and so easy for my ex.
Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:27pm
I feel a little bit like you. People always tell me to go out, to try to date, but really i feel like I don't know how to start. When my son goes with his dad, I have no plans, I really don't have single friends, they're all married, and in their own stuff. And the guys that have asked me out, are kinda' old for me. I work part-time and I go to school also, so sometimes i'm too lazy to try to make some social time.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 12:37am

Don't change who you are to attract a guy. Chances are you'll attract the wrong one. You want a guy who is going to be impressed with who you are and what you can do. A guy who will be attracted to your strengths.

Put your best foot forward. Being hard to approach can translate into always having your head down, not smiling, walking away instead of towards people, no eye contact...etc. Do you do any of these things? These are behaviors that you can change without changing your true self. It is sort of like turning your light on so others will see you. If you simply do a few things to signal guys that you are approachable they should be able to figure it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:12am
I think you have to take more time for yourself and not feel guilty about taking time away from your kids. Going to school, being involved in activities you like, getting out more on your own - like to the book store or gym will get you meeting new people. Hire a babysitter if you can. Don't depend on your mom and ex to sit - take control. Buy new clothes - do things for YOU. You have to put yourself first. Your kids will not benefit from a mom who overworks herself just for their sake. They want a happy healthy mom. Kids can adapt to most anything and all they want is for us to be happy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 10:22am

A good place to find social clubs in your area is your local newspaper or craigslist.org.

In the past, I've found great things to do using both of those resources.