Something Wierd Happened Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Something Wierd Happened Today
3
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 5:48pm

Thanks Judy and Allison for your thoughts and well wishes. I know I have to move on, it's just hard to have that mentality right now. I still feel like I'm attached to someone.

What happened that was wierd was that I got a call from this guy, Jeff, and he asked me to lunch. I was really down, so I decided to go because I thought it would cheer me up. We had a very nice time, and we decided to meet again for lunch some time and we even decided on the place. The wierd thing is, is that I know this guy, although I never met him. I talked to him a couple of dozen times in the past. What's wierd is that he is a business asquaintenace of Mark (the guy who just dumped me). Jeff works downtown where I do, and Mark works in the north shore office. The first time I ever talked to Jeff was about six months ago. He was at Mark's house and Mark called me and asked if I would talk to him because Jeff was going through a divorce, he had gone to court that day, he had some questions, and Mark thought I would be a good person to talk to. So, I talked to him that night. And that started a phone friendship. He called me about once a month or so. We would talk about his court case, his kids, my kids. I told Mark once that Jeff called me and he seemed kind of put out, so I never mentioned it again, but we did talk regularly. Jeff is good to talk to because unlike Mark, he was married and he has kids, and he understands what I'm saying when I talk about my life. Over all this time that Jeff and I talked on the phone, we always talked about getting together, either with our kids or for lunch, but I didn't think Mark would like it, so I never pursued it. Jeff and Mark aren't close friends, they just work in the same company at different offices. He hasn't seen or talked to Mark in months, and he asked me how we were doing. I told him that we broke up, and he was surprised, and I pretty much left it at that.

I know this is stupid, but I felt kind of guilty about lunch today. I told my sister and my friend at work about lunch and they both thought I was being silly. They said I didn't do anything wrong, and as long as I didn't go to lunch to get back at Mark, that it was ok because I don't have any ties to him any more. That's what's strange. It's hard to comprehend that I don't have to worry about what Mark says any more -- I'm free to do whatever I want. What a concept!

When we left the restaurant, like I said, we agreed to meet again for lunch. I said it was nice to finally meet him and I shook his hand. He gave me a hug, and then he said, "I'd like to take you out some time and see how much fun you really are". I said, let's just stick to lunch for now. Then I headed back to work. But I have to say, to hear that made me feel real good. I guess someone out there, besides Mark, thinks I'm a nice person. I also decided that since my last three dating disasters with were men that had never been married and had no children, I think I should try to date men with children. My friend Jesse has kids, my friend Kevin has kids, and Jeff does also. They are very easy to talk to and they understand my situation, something that Mark never could. Yes, Mark dated two women before me with kids, but it's not the same as having your own.

I just wanted to share my wierd experience today. Jeff is really nice, and I wouldn't hesitate to go to lunch with him again. After that, I'm not ready for dating anyone right now -- I'll just stick to lunch.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 6:26pm

When one door closes, another one opens.

Do all you can to take care of yourself and put Mark behind you. I know you had fun and good times, but I can also see by reading your posts that you kind of knew he was not a perfect fit.

And give Jeff a chance. How cool!!

I think you should also do some soul searching about your relationship history. I think you are a lot like me in that you do everything instead of waiting for the guy who will be into you and want to carry at least half of his weight. Do you know what I mean? You have to know that you are super the way you are and that you only want someone who will love you for the way you are and want to be with you - not that you have to do so much to get that.

Keep us posted!! Don't you dare be a stranger now!!

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 6:36pm

Donna,

A date! How fun! I'm really glad that you said yes and met him for lunch. Seeing that you two knew each other in a roundabout way, I'm sure it was a little easier to talk with him, as you had talked once a month about things. It was probably good for you to be able to lean on him a little, as he had done to you in the past. Too funny that it was your ex that brought you to meet, and even if nothing more than friends comes out of it, then at least you've made a new one, right?

Whatever happens, just take it slow. You want to be making new friends and having fun to get your mind off of Mark. You don't want to be jumping into a new relationship when you haven't healed from the last.

And I agree with Judy, don't be a stranger!

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:07pm
delurking to say ((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))...I just read both posts and what a lousy way to be treated. You don't deserve that. I think you just have to set your SB gauge to zero and go from there. It's ok to have standards for yourself and to not just date anyone because they asked you.
Your comments about just lunching and not dating made me smile...it's how emotional/physical affairs get started at work, isn't?