I don't understand why I'm the way I am
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 09-02-2005 - 5:33pm |
You know, I know that I don't have to have or need a man in my life to feel fulfilled, but I can't stand to be alone. I don't understand that. To be honest, I don't have a very big social life. I have only a few friends, most are married and the others have children. I usually go to my best friends house, who is married, with a 6 month old, and other than that I just sit at home. I go to school, come home, and do nothing. I don't really know what to do. The longer I stay at home the more I feel sorry for myself.
I enjoyed spending my time with my ex-bf b/c not only did I care for him, but in reality, it gave me something to do other than sit around by myself.
So, now that I'm not attached, I've already got another date lined up. It's not fair for this person b/c I feel like I'll be using him, not only to get over my very recent breakup, but to just get out of the house.
So, why do I have this mentality that I just can't be alone. When I am alone, even if I have my dd, I just feel down. I always have to be on the go and I've always been like this.
Any ideas?
Kait

So.... go! Get out and do stuff, head to the park, the library, the museum. Join a class at the local gym or community centre, take a course at the local college. Head down to the coffee shop and chat up someone at the next table. Make plans with someone to have dinner with you, be it a friend or relative.
The thing you need to do is be social, but sitting at home isn't going to fill that need. Be out there doing stuff both with your dd and without. You need to build a new network of friends to hang out with so you're not bored, so you have someone with similar interests to go out with.
When you fill up your days with activities you won't be so lonely. There's nothing wrong with having a guy, but you need to get out of the mindset that you NEED a guy for company and distraction.
Alison
Hey Kait,
I can relate to the way you feel because I have felt the same way.
I think that the absence of your BF has left you with a "hole" in your heart. You are trying to fill that with another person and I think that is a mistake - because he won't be able to - and you will latch onto him and then get either disappointed or dumped.
I think you need to take time away from dating and fill the hole back up on your own. Set goals for yourself, maybe some projects around the house or get fit or get finances in order or advance your career, start being active with interests and hobbies (see the question of the week for ideas on what others are doing if you like) and just start expanding your social circle. It will become like a snowball if you really work on it - you will meet more people and friends of those people.
If you get out there and get all of your social needs filled without a man, you will be in a good place to meet the right man and you might even meet him in the process!!
I hope this helps - I know it is not easy but if you do a little each day it will help you a lot.
Keep us posted!!
Kait,
I've followed your posts. I think since you're still in school and not really settled in life, then you feel restless. Things will fall into place when you finish school and get a career that you like.
The guy thing is a distraction, a daydream, so you don't have to think about school/work/motherhood. I suggest that you set some good career goals for yourself and make some girlfriends.
If you've got your life in order, then quality men will follow.
What is good about your post is you formulated a really good question.
I feel your pain girl!! Lol, We have options, and don't you ever forget it. I am in school with 3 kids, and lusting after a man I haven't seen very much in a decade.
You need to find something that makes you happy, and do it day and night. You need to spend some time alone, and ask yourself what you really want and HOW you are going to get it. Take a step back, and look at your life from a stranger's perspective. It sounds nice most of the time. Most importantly, take a deep breath, realize and count your blessings.
Advice is easier to give than to take. I do understand the lonliness, but I keep telling myself that I'll be able to conquer the world. If "we" can conquer being alone, there is nothing to get in the way.
Shannon