Trying to be strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Trying to be strong
3
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 5:30pm

As I posted last week, I went camping with my twins this weekend. We left Friday afternoon and came back Monday afternoon. We had a great time.

I didn't think about Mark at all the whole weekend I was away. I got a little sad on the trip home. I was stressed trying to unpack the car, put everything away, make dinner, get the kids in the tub, wash their school clothes and get them into bed. My favorite band is Def Leppard. Mark and I saw them in concert 3 weeks ago. One of the radio stations in Chicago hosted a Labor Day concert with them. So when I had the radio on in the car on the way home, I was inindated with Leppard music and talk. It just made me think of Mark, and I got sad. I just can't believe that 3 weeks ago we had such a great time -- now it's over. I guess I still don't get it. Anyway, I was doing laundry and I went to bed about midnight, but I couldn't fall asleep. My phone rang at 1:00 a.m., and it was Mark. (I always answer the phone in the middle of the night because my mom has a terminal illness, and I'm always worried that something might have happened to her). I can't believe how well I handled that conversation. Much to my surprise, I have gotten stronger than I was the last time I talked to him. He was singing the same song . . . he misses me, he can't lose me, but he still wants the other woman too. Like I did last time, I told him it was not going to happen, not yesterday, not today and not tomorrow. And told him I wanted someone who was into me and only me. And when he said our friendship means so much to him I told him that that hurts -- she's gets to be your girlfriend and I only get to be your friend -- like I'm on the second-string team or something. He told me I was too good for him and that I deserved someone better than him. I totally agreed with him. I won't play second fiddle to anyone. I guess it's just my age -- I'm way to old for stuff like that. I've been alone almost eight years -- I'm not going to settle for a bunch of BS now.

Yes, I miss him and I wish we could be together, but that's not possible, and I'm sticking to my guns. I guess over time I won't get said about memories any more. I just hate that right now I associate my favorite band in the whole world with an unpleasant thing.

Thank you to everyone for your support. It has meant a lot to me.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 5:44pm

I think you handled all of that really well. This strength is going to really pay off for you in the future. You will find someone better than Mark who treats you as his number one team. He had more than a fair second chance with you and now you see his true colors.

HUGS!!

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:47pm

That's how it goes.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 12:08am

Donna,

I'm glad that you stuck to your guns and didn't budge an inch. He knows that you're the best, but he still wants this other woman? He's never going to be happy with anyone, you know? He's just going to go around in circles until no one falls for his games anymore and then he'll be all alone.

You, on the other hand, will be doing just fine. You will find a great guy to go along with those great kids.

I'm glad that camping was fun. Will you guys go out again? I haven't been camping in years.

Alison

Photobucket