Great News and My Epiphany Moment
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| Tue, 09-13-2005 - 2:01pm |
Something really great happened to me Friday, and I want to share it with everyone.
As you may know, I lost the job I had for 8 years back in May. I started my present job in the middle of June. I had worked here before, for 12 years. There was a split in the company, and I went with my boss. That job let me go after 8 years. There was an opening here, so I applied for the job and got it. On Friday my office manager called me into her office for my performance evaluation. How it works is that everyone gets reviewed once a year. Their boss has to fill out a long form with pretty specific questions about our job performance. You can be rated either outstanding, very good, average, below average or satisfactory. I work for 3 people, and each of them filled out a form on me, and my office manager read all the forms. The long and short of it was that all of my bosses gave me an outstanding review. They checked almost everything as "outstanding", and they wrote some really nice comments too. I was really flattered. Then my office manager said that due to my starting date, I was not eligible for a pay increase (you have to be here a year), which I knew about when I started, and I didn't expect to get a raise. I was just grateful to have a job. Then the office manager said that because all three of my reviews were outstanding, because I ask for work when I'm not busy, and because I help out when needed, they decided to give me a raise! I was shocked. I was so happy, I was teary-eyed. She said they were glad to have me back. I was speechless! All I could say was that I was happy to be back, thank you very much, and I better leave before I start to cry. I was on a cloud all day after that. The reason it means so much to me is that the other place beat me down months before they let me go. And they said terrible, untrue things about me. I just think it's real ironic -- they said I was a terrible secretary and I couldn't handle my assignment -- then two months later I get 3 outstanding reviews and a pay increase when I wasn't supposed to. I guess I'm not that bad after all. I guess that saying is true, "One man's trash is another man's treasure".
That's my great news and here is my epiphany moment. I was absolutely high after that. My kids were picked up at school by their stepmom, and I had plans to play bunco that night. I talked to my friend Jeff and told him my good news. He was happy for me. I had a couple hours before I had to meet my sister. I did a real stupid thing. I know now it was stupid, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. But that's ok because it all leads up to my epiphany "lightning bolt" moment. Stupid thing: I called Mark. I really wanted to share my good news with him because he was so instrumental in me getting this job and encouraging me along the way. He wasn't home so I left a message on his machine. Two minutes later he called me. He was very excited about my review and raise, and he seemed very genuine about it. Unfortunately, like all our conversations since our breakup, they always start great but then gravitate to the reasons for the break up. He said something that really hurt me. I asked him what was his take on our relationship, and his answer was that it was no big deal, I was just a "play date". And the conversation also gravitated to he wants to see me and me saying no, just like always. I ended the conversation, and I was so depressed that I even called him. His words really hurt. So, I went to bunco and tried to forget it. The next day, I had a lot to do, so I kept busy, but I still heard his words in my head and it hurt. Sunday morning I woke up before my alarm. I instantly started thinking about our conversation. And it then came to me that I truly don't need this in my life. Since the break up, I had such a hard time letting go. Well, his stupid comment made it a lot easier for me. Plus, I realized that for some reason, he needs to hang on, that's why he's calling me. And he will never be the one to put a final end to it; it will have to be me. I decided to not take any more of his calls and I won't call him back if he leaves a message. The conversation never changes; we say the same things over and over; it's like beating a dead horse. It's time to bury the horse.
This is the real creepy part. So, I got up and got ready for church. My babysitter, Carrie, is staying with me until the end of the month when she can get into an apartment. She said she wanted to go with me, but she wasn't quite ready, so would I wait for her. I sat down on the couch to wait. She was watching some Christian program where the minister was just about done with his sermon. I had never heard this man speak before, but I swear he was talking directly to me. He was talking about Hurricane Katrina and how sometimes bad things happen to us, but we just have to keep the faith that God will make it right with us. Then he said,(I swear I'm not making this up) "Just like that relationship that ended. It hurts a lot at first. But instead of feeling sad, you should say good riddance and feel happy, because God has something much more wonderful in store for you." I just about fell off the couch. Had I not waited for Carrie, I would have been in the car, and I would have never head that. Creepy, huh. But, he's right, and I know that now.
I truly feel this was an epiphany moment for me. I recognized that I was hanging on to something that was doing me no good, and I realized I had to let it go, and in doing so, my future will be bright. I know a lot of you out there might read this and think, duh, it took her long enough to figure it out. But that's exactly it. I needed to figure it out, for myself, on my own, and in my own time. Everyone deals with break ups differently. Lots of people can tell you how to act or what to think, but until you are ready to do it on your own, you won't -- and that's all there is to it. I usually need a lightning bolt to hit me in the head to get me to shake off the dream and move on. Moving on is hard for me. But, I've done it before, and I will do it again. No matter how big of a jerk an ex turns out to be, there were good times in the relationship, that's why you were in it in the first place. It's so easy for an outsider to say this person was a big jack***, but there was also, at one time, a good side to that guy also. I'm grateful for my nudge from God. He wants me to be happy, not sad about the past. I really think I can do it this time -- move on and not be sad about Mark. He did say one thing that was true -- he said I didn't deserve him, I deserved someone much better. He's right, I do. It just took me time to see it. I do miss him, and I probably will for a while, but I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I have realized that what I need now, especially when my kids are gone, is that I have to keep busy and try to build a network of friends and things to do. Saturday night I went to dinner with my babysitter, and we had a nice time. She really has been a good friend to me through this whole mess -- she's such a good listener. I'm not 100 percent there yet, but I'm a lot better than I was 2 weeks ago. I think from here, everyday will get easier.
Thanks for listening and your support.
Donna

What an incredible update!
Hello Donna, I really haven't followed your story but it seems like you are getting over a break up and a new job. First of, congratulations on your new job and raise that you were not expecting, that shows that you are a good worker and they're appreciative. Secondly, I want to tell you that God is always with us and he knows what's best for every single one of us, I am firm believer and he's always guided me to the best road. I'm with you on how heartbreaking can be that the one you love doesn't love as much as you do or things can't work out the way you want them to be. I was involved in a toxic relationship, but I really loved this man. He made me suffer and cry alot, until one day I asked God to help me forget him and not feel love for that man anymore, and you know what? with a little time and prayer(about a year) and sticking my ground not to get involved with him anymore in any way, I'm free! He still calls me and wants to see me, but I don't feel anything other than friendship and I am so proud of myself!
Take care of yourself and be happy for what you have right now!
Jennie:
You are right; it will not be easy for me, and I know that. I am not "over" Mark. I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot, too. I just know that I don't want him to hurt me any more with his words. You know, he almost had me convinced to cave in and see him, but then he made that stupid comment, and now I know I don't want to see him any more. And I kept thinking about what he said and wondering if he really meant it. But you know what, it doesn't really matter. My counselor said he probably didn't mean it, but I will never know the truth, so I should just let it go. It will be a long and hard road. And my biggest challenge is on my free weekends. I really need to make plans to keep myself busy so my mind doesn't wander. I have two other challenges: (1) not picking up the phone to call him. I think I can do that one; and (2) not picking up the phone if and when he calls me. That will be a little harder. But maybe he won't call for a while and I can get strong enough to walk away from the phone. I can only hope.
Donna
Bravo - I have read both of your posts and think you are on the right track. Congrats for the great review and raise. I think you have a lot of good going on in your life and soon you will see the purpose of Mark in your life and you will be glad for everything that happened. I am sorry for your pain - I think all of us here know it all too well.
I did note one thing in your first post on this thread - "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
That is so true and the real epiphany for all of us. I think it will apply to love, too.
Smiles and hugs - you have done everything right.
Karina:
I wanted to thank you for your kind response to my post. I really liked your story. It was very inspiring and you should be proud of yourself.
My breakup is recent, about 2 weeks ago. I know it will take time for me to get over it. I'm amazed that you are still friends with your ex. My ex wants to be friends, but I just can't do it right now -- too many feelings. Maybe in time. I should do what you did and ask God to take away the pain and my feelings for him and then maybe we can be friends down the road.
Next month it will be 8 years that I have been alone. In those eight years, I have had 3 long-term relationships, all ending in either disaster or a broken heart, or both. I'm tired of the turkeys and/or frogs. I ask God all the time to send me someone wonderful, and I keep getting frogs. I don't get it. Maybe my timing is just off. It's just hard to keep the faith some time.
Donna
Donna, I could not get you in your personal email, so I am posting here.
I hope you're feeling better this morning, I really enjoy these posts, everybody here seems so nice! Thanks for acknowledging my message, my prayers for you, I know how hard it is, and being so recent I feel for you. However, time is the key in healing
all of our pains, sorry but it will take time and effort.
You know, when I was going through my pain, I read many books about self improving and how to mend broken hearts as fast as possible, I wanted desperatedly to do something fast and don't feel anymore pain. There's was this vision that you have to think, anytime you
start thinking and feeling sad, think about pinguins playing in alaska, growing grass in the sidewalk of michigan, or something crazy like that to take your focus away from the dwelling. It worked for me and then I had these affirmations about me being so awesome, a goddess of life, fun, amazing, sexy, smart, any man would be happy to have me, everything happens for a reason, things workout exactly as they are supposed to, and smile, smile, smile, eventhough you don't feel like it, fake it till you make it! I hope
this will help you, as it has helped me.
You know, the loser ex-bf still wants me back, even yesterday, called me and wanted to get together like before, but now I don't feel a thing! other times I would just go running to him, his five minutes are up, sorry, lol... hang in there and put a happy face for your twins :)
Donna,
Congratulations! I am so happy for you, both about the job review and raise, and about your moment of epiphany. Just like you were in the right place at the right time to hear that pastor Sunday morning, your job worked out too. You were so upset about losing your job, but look how much better off you are now! And I know exactly what you are saying about remembering the good times as well as the bad after a relationship ends. My firends and family tell me all the time that they don't understand how I can even be civil to my ex after the way our marriage ended, but they didn't live with him for 10 years, and they didn't have all the good times I had with him long before the bad times. That's what makes it hard to let go, but God really does have a plan for you, and now you just have to wait for it to fall into place.
Good luck!
Kelly