Meeting My Daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Meeting My Daughter
5
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:53am

Hello everyone, I'm new to this board and I have a question that I would love to get input from other single mothers who are dating. Here is a little background before I ask the question. I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for three months. During the entire time he has never met my 5 year-old daughter and it has been my decision. I have never introduced my daughter to any of the men I have previously dated because I have felt that none of them were special enough for me to do so and I don't want to expose her to all my dates. With my boyfriend I feel the need to introduce her to him because he is very special to me and we are in love and I can see myself forming a life with him.

Now the question. Do any of you have certain time guidelines when you feel it is appropriate for your child/children to meet your new partner? Once you have decided that the time is right what is the best way to bring them together. Do you take them to the zoo or to kiddie funplace type of thing? any input would be appreciated.




Edited 9/28/2005 11:56 am ET ET by megan_nonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 2:25pm
Hello and welcome, I'm a newbie too.
I don't have a specific time set, but I usually wait until the guy
and the time feels right. I would make the first meeting a very casual, no
pressure type of setting. The zoo, park may be good. Keep the atmosphere light,
just act as you would if you were getting together with a girlfriend. If you're
uptight your daughter will sense it. You're right to keep her from meeting just anybody.
Best of luck to you.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:50pm

Welcome!

Here is a previous discussion we had on this subject:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsolomother&msg=8386.1&ctx=0

If I felt compelled to introduce a man I was dating to DS, I would choose a brief and casual encounter that is fun for all of us - maybe to go out for pizza, for dinner at my house, etc. The zoo could be okay, too.

I would also make sure there was no PDF or anything - this is just a special friend of mommy for now.

Good luck with your decision!! I am sure you will get lots of good tips here and that thread I posted above is very good, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:57pm

Personally I dont think 3 months is long enough. He and you both have to be seriously committed and I dont think any REAL relationship happens like that in 3 months when children are involved. When I was single I was seeing this guy for 3 months who had a 2 year old daughter - I never met her and he never met my kids.

It was sort of "common sense".

I would give it at least 8-12 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 12:25pm
Thank you all for the great advice :) I'm going to wait in introducing them until a later time. I rather take my time and do it when I'm 100% sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 3:05pm
I'm knew to this board too. I'm also a single mother of a little girl. First of all I think that's great that you have waited to introduce your daughter to your dates. I have decided to wait also until I meet that special someone. If you feel that this guy is definately special enough to you than I would ask your daughter how she would feel first about meeting someone special in your life. Since she is five, she would probably give you a hint of how she truely feels about it. If she seems excited about it than by all means, plan a trip to the zoo- definately do something fun for her the first few times you all get together because that is what she'll remember. Some hints for your boyfriend: a friend of mine also has a 5 year old and she has been dating a guy and the first time he met her daughter he got her a gift. It was a very pretty Barbie doll that she really liked(Barbies are her thing). I'm sure that gave a pretty good first impression, because that automatically had her daughter open up to him and trust him. Good Luck on your new relationship, I'm still working on finding the right one.