Spotting drugs and alcohol - share
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Spotting drugs and alcohol - share
| Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:50am |
Hi to all:
When dating, it is important to be able to spot troubles with people who abuse alcohol and or drugs. I was thinking it would be good to start this thread here so we can share our past experiences and tips to help each other do a better job at dating.
Did you ever date someone who had a drug/alcohol problem? If so, how did you discover this? Is there a red flag you ignored early on that may have saved you the heartache later?
Please share! Calling all - lurkers, alumni, current posters - everyone!!

I think this is an extremely interesting question, and I hope some people have ideas to share.
Judy,
If you wanted to know more about my relationship with Nicolas' dad, then you could just ask, you don't have to *pretend* to post to everyone LOL!
When I met him I was 19 and naive. I was used to hanging out with my friends on the weekends and drinking, so I didn't really think anything of it when he would get beer a lot. It was like a daily thing for him, but I didn't really notice at the time. Then about 3 weeks after we met, he had this friend over and this friend had cocaine. The three of us did it, I had never done it before and didn't really feel any different than normal, but we were drinking, so apparently that lessons it's effect. We moved in together quickly and then moved to a new town together, and we both got jobs. I didn't know he was addicted to cocaine, I had done it with him twice and had seen him do it one other time, but that was in the course of 2 years. I didn't know that when he took off partying, that when I thought he was out all night just drinking, he was actually doing cocaine.
To be honest, I don't really get what the whole thing is about it, since I didn't really *enjoy* it, nor did I have thoughts of "gee, that was GREAT, I should do that again!" I guess I just don't have that addictive personality or something.
Anyway, things just seemed to get worse after I got pregnant with Nicolas. He used it as an excuse to take off and party, because he couldn't handle the pressure. He actually took off for over 3 days when I was 8 months pregnant, and I filed a missing persons report on him, figuring that some drug dealer maybe did him in! He showed up later that morning, and stupid me, I took him back because I didn't want to have to raise a baby on my own- I was only 21 at the time. The night Nicolas was born? Yeah, he went and got drunk and then tried to come into the hospital at 2 am, but wasn't allowed in.
Nicolas was 20 months when I said, "enough is enough". It was at the point, the last 3 months of our relationship that I had to sleep with the car keys on my body so I would have a car to get to work, had the neighbour on babysitter alert duty in case he was gone when I got up, and had to pay for the rent (which was his responsibility) while making minimum wage. He also pawned some of my things: two cameras and an electronic keyboard. Not only that, but he took off WITH MY SON one night, leaving me at the mall in the dead of winter with no coat and no way to get home, not to mention no keys to get into my house if I got home. I had to call my mother to get me, and he didn't show up until 5am, he had had no diaper bag, so Nicolas' bum was raw from sitting in urine and feces all night!
He didn't make responsible decisions, because he was always high. He tells me now that he doesn't use it anymore, but I will NEVER trust that man, ever! When Nicolas sees his dad, it's at grandma's house, because I will not allow him to have his son alone.
But flags, you asked? Well, partying all the time, having complete disrespect for your partner, missing spoons, matches all over the place, a sticky sweet smell in the car or the house when I came home (from doing crack). Pawning of things, that's a big flag!
I'm just really glad that now I'm with J. He doesn't drink, except a scotch at Christmas and maybe he did drugs in high school (like the rest of us) but got over it, you know? Grew up? There's no drama here, no constant battle over money (dishes is another story LOL).
Any questions?
Alison
Oh dear, Alison, you were really put through the ringer.
Your insight is helpful. I thought this was a good topic since it is on another board, too. It is so hard when you first start dating and I thought it would be good for all of us to share experiences to help each other avoid these red flags.
I am so happy for you that you have J and no mess like this!!