Angry, Hurt, and Just Plain Sad
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| Mon, 10-03-2005 - 11:46pm |
My uncle came over to fix my computer tonight. While he was here my exhusband, his father, and his step-mother showed up at my door. It was completely unexpected and caught me completely off guard. I was just glad that my uncle was here to I wouldn't be harrassed as much as I was.
Anyway...I got told by my ex how pathetic I was, blah blah blah. His dad jumped in so I calmly told him this was none of his business and to go sit in his truck. Then my ex's step mother jumps on my porch, which causes my dd to go into some kind of hysteria.
My ex grabs my dd...and says that he hasn't seen her in over 4 months. I had to correct him b/c he saw her on her birthday, had her many many times (overnight as well) in between then, and freaking three months ago he was here in my house.
I told them all to get off my property and shut the door. He calls me from his cell phone so I go outside again...but only when his parents return to their truck. By this time dd is crying. This completely baffles me. This man has repeatedly hurt me and her and now she's crying I want my daddy. I feel a little resentment, if that's the word to use, towards my two year old. I know she's just a baby and what not, but it just hurt so bad. The only reason that my ex is even doing any of this now is b/c he is in trouble with not paying c/s. Whenever money is involved he wants dd.
I don't trust the man/boy whatsoever! He has 2 DUI's in KY, why he's allowed to drive in our state is beyond me. He has been on cocaine and has been seen trying to sell it as well. I don't know what to do. I confronted him on this, but of course he denied it.
I'm just upset, angry, jilted, jaded, and everything else in between. Plus, while I know it sounds crazy, I'm upset that I work my butt off for my dd, would do anything in the entire world for her, but he shows his nasty face, starts screaming and hollering and she starts crying for him. Maybe it was just a normal reaction, I don't know. She's been getting pictures out of my album and bringing them to me saying stuff like, that's my daddy and mommy. But I didn't cause any of this - so why should I be the one feeling so horribly bad.
I don't want anyone to think bad about me for feeling upset at my dd's reaction...just hurts in a lot of ways...
I just don't know what to do. But I do know that it will be over my dead body before I let her go with him. He is not trustworthy at all. Plus, I don't have a divorce decree telling me when she has to go anyway. The judge didn't specify anything in court...so...
If he could even resemble a man and a father it would be different...but all he does is drink, do drugs, and want to scream and belittle me.
Kait

GOOD LUCK
Thanks....I just get so flustered when I see him that I can't even think rationally. I know that I should have called the police, but honestly, the thought didn't even come to me until hours later.
And I've been thinking about this since I first posted my message. I don't think I should have used the word "resent" when I was explaining how I felt about my dd's reaction. I don't resent her...I just didn't understand what was going on. I'm sure there's a better word to use in this situation, but it's just not coming to me at this point in time.
Thanks though...
Kait
I agree with Softballs - he is right.
You should not answer your door or phone after 9PM. Close the windows, lock the locks. Do not allow this to happen again. If they are coming over at this hour you don't think it is to have tea and be nice? I don't mean to sound sarcastic, but I want you to protect yourself and think ahead.
I think for now you should do whatever you can to get through the divorce and get custody/visitation/child support sorted out. I think that with his crazy behavior and history of drugs and DUI you should push for supervised visitation only and no overnights.
Do not speak to anyone in his family - only to your lawyer. It will seem tough but you must do it.
Do not get caught up in what a 2 year old is doing/thinking and do not take this personally. She has no way to understand the severity of the situation. Every child wants to have their mommy and daddy together and in their life. That is all she knew until a few months ago. Just keep her content and happy - her future matters on YOUR stability.
Keep posting here and we can help you. I think you really need to document all of this and get other people there to help you - people who you can talk to, a good lawyer, people who can check on you every day to make sure you stay safe.
Be very careful now.
Kait,
I agree with Softballs and Judy, you need to document everything and see about getting a restraining order- against all three of them. They have no right to show up in the night and harrass you like that. And you really shouldn't have given in to talking to them, no answering the phone and going back outside.
You really have to protect yourself right now. Your ex isn't thinking straight, he's being put into a corner because of the child support thing and he's going to take it out on you because you're the easiest target in his mind. Call the police station and get advice on how to proceed on opening a file on him and his family and get a number so when you call to document more things you can easily just say, "yes, I need to add to file # 000000". Add to the file that he's a drug abuser and that he's got DUI's in another state. Then if they don't stop bothering you, and after you've said to leave you alone, then you file for a restraining order. They should be able to direct you on how to get one, so you won't have to spend money on a lawyer.
I also think that your dd's reaction was actually quite normal. She doesn't understand anything that's going on, and she doesn't know the pain you're going through. She just knows that she misses her dad, she was used to having him there, and now he's not. I know it was heartbreaking for you, but believe me, she did not do or say anything out of spite to you.
I think it's also a good thing that you do not have a visitation schedule in writing. I urge you to get into the court and file that if he wants to see his daughter, he HAS TO HAVE a drug test and it MUST BE CLEAN or he cannot take her. And also have it that if he DOES pass the test, he still must have supervised visitation and no overnight visits. Then if you have to file for a restraining order, then you also file to have his visitation revoked until he's had counselling to deal with his issues. Whatever you have to do to protect your daughter, you do it!
You know, it's been 4 years since I left my ex and he stopped harrassing me and threatening me. But I still don't trust him to have my son on his own. We do not have a visitation schedule, and I think if he pushed for one, then I would push for drug testing and alcohol testing plus supervised visits. As it is, Nicolas visits him at grandma's, since he spends part of the summer there, and dad goes to grandma's to see him. They are under strict orders that he is not allowed to take Nicolas anywhere alone, and they abide by it- which is good.
My point there is that you know your ex, so don't be foolish with your daughter's life. If you think there's a danger there, you do what you can to protect her.
((((HUGS)))))
Alison
Why did you answer the knock on your door? If my ex husband showed up on my doorstep, there is no way I'd answer it. *PERIOD*
If your ex wants to establish a visitation schedule with your DD, then the two of you either need to go into mediation to work out an agreement or he needs to file a motion in court if you can't agree to a set schedule.
It is not okay for ex's to show up at your house.