This is so incredibly crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
This is so incredibly crazy
2
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 3:54pm

I don't understand the system that we live in and with. I contacted the court advocate today, who was completely stumped by my situation as I am! My ex is wanting my dd tonight and I just don't know what to do. I called him and asked him if he was getting her and he said that he would tomorrow. I told him that I thought we had agreed on Friday. So he said to drop her off at his dad's house. NO! I refuse to go over there and be belittled and treated horribly. If my ex won't come and get my dd then I'm not going to bend over backwards to take her to him. It's a control issue. I'm supposed to do what he says when he says. I'm just scared of him and getting in trouble. The court advocate said that if there is a visitation schedule in the divorce decree, that neither me or my ex have received, then I could possibly be in volation of it if I don't send her. However, if I don't know what it says and the judge did not say when and where then what do I do - make up my own plan?

How do I make him get a drug test as well? Why is he still able to drive around with 2 DUI's? AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Just when I think I can get everything on track, this gets thrown in my face! What do I do? I know that I'm going to be harrassed all weekend now if dd doesn't go with my ex. But how can I send her and not know, truly know, that she's going to be safe with him when everything else he's done shows that he's irratic and irresponsible?

And I don't understand all this hatred he has for me!!! I don't hate him, I hate his actions, but not him! So why does he hate me so much? I have a complete indifferce for him...what he does, what he accomplishes in life, etc. So why does he have all this anger and hatred when I didn't do anything to him. There's a fine line between love and hate...what's the deal with him?

Help me....
Kait

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 4:47pm
Do you guys have visitation in a court order?? Because if it states that he is to pick up your DD today, and he doesn't, (you shouldn't have to drop her off anywhere unless you want to), then you don't have to let her go tomorrow. My FOB had a DUI, and a suspended driver's license, so his visitations were supervised by his mom for a while, now he's driving around with him, but he even served jail time. Isn't his license suspended??
I know how you feel about FOB's family, they have treated me like crap since FOB decided to leave. I don't think you can be held responsible though, if you don't know what the court order states. But if you are, you get one freebie, I was told. Good Luck, I know these situations are tough.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 9:11pm

You need to get this sorted out on Monday so you know exactly what you need to do to stay in compliance with visitation. You also need to do whatever it takes to get visitation supervised with his history of the DUIs and drugs.

If I was you I would be tempted to cook up a sudden out of town emergency that you and dd have to go to just to buy you time and you can call and apologize on the way out and say you will sort it out this week. But you certainly can't pull that every weekend so you must fix this on Monday - no procrastination. I only say that because his past behavior was very frightening. I don't want to get you in trouble in any way.

Keep us posted. Be careful.

signature