It's Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
It's Over
18
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:48am

Well, I am sorry to say that after being together 5 months we ended things this morning. The last 2 months I barely saw him because he was working all the time. He had become distant emotionally. At first I just chalked it up to exhaustion and problems at work/stress.

Unfortunately, I think he put me up on this huge pedastal when we met. He also is NOT ready to date anybody. He is so messed up from his ex-wife, who really did him dirty. He has also decided that he can't date anybody with kids because he doesn't want to raise anymore. (wish he had figured that out before we started dating!!)

I'm doing OK. It is kind of a relief, but it sucks because I DO love him.

Stephanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:48pm

Awwww, Stephanie!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 3:15pm

Thanks. I agree that it is for the best. I deserve alot better than that. What I really hate is if I ever meet anybody that honestly likes me and accepts me for who I am, I am not gonna even know it is true.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 3:20pm

Yeah, I understand THAT feeling, I still look at J and think, "is this guy ACTUALLY here? I'm not dreaming this all, am I?"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 6:11pm

Sorry you had to go through this, Steph. Unfortunately, not all relationships turn out they way they seem they will from the beginning. And we all have to take a chance down the path to see if they will go to a great place for both or a stop where you get off and wait for the next bus.

It sounds to me like you have a very good perception of WHY it didn't work - it is not your fault that his exw did such a number and he is emotionally unavailable. I am sure that both of you had good intentions but he cannot take it to the next level because he hasn't dealt with his past.

I hope that you can get through the upcoming week okay. Keep us posted - we are always here and love having you on our board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 11:25pm
Thank you so much. I am feeling better today. I spent the weekend with some friends at their lake house. It really helped. This has been a rough week. Not only breaking up with my boyfriend, but it looks like I am going to be filing for full custody of my 10 y/o daughter. I have joint custody of her and full custody of my 15 y/o son. When it rains, it pours! But, I am hanging in there!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 3:08am
Awww, Im so sorry! But it sounds like it really was for the best. You DEFINATLY dont want someone who doesnt adore your kiddos!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:16am

Hugs, Steph- I'm sorry to hear that. But like the others have said- it's good that you found out now rather than later. Though it would've been nice had he realized what he really wanted/needed/didn't want from the START rather than waiting til now!

That all makes me wonder too- just how can we trust that the person we are involved in, has TRULY examined himself?? I know since we are on the boards, we talk about it and we do plenty of self-examination about how ready we are, what we want, what we don't want, etc... but the MEN OUT THERE- they are not doing this important self-examination before they are dating us!!! So they just find out somewhere along the way- and that sucks.

I'm glad you're doing better now, and had some time with your friends over the weekend.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:46am
Thanks Shrimpy. I completely agree with you about the men not doing the self-examination thing and just discovering their issues as they go! AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! At least I got closure and know what the problems are. It is alot better than when you are just left hanging and have no clue what happened!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:23pm

It could even be that he has had these issues all along. His exw may very well have a different story than him.

The true test of a relationship is that it has to make it out of the initial honeymoon infatuation stage and keep the momentum for real life.

I am wondering if you can think back to the beginning and remember things or signs that indicated he wasn't ready? Maybe not - it is not your fault either way - would just be curious to know for all of us if there is something to watch out for.

The disappointment is huge for sure. But I don't think ANY man does his laundry before embarking on a relationship. You just sort of have to get lucky at these things - I remember your story all along and I know you did everything right. You had to go through a lot of bad apples to even find him.

HUGS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 2:04pm

Some of the signs I had noticed were that he talked ALOT lately about his ex-w and what she did to him. She ended up with everything and he ended up starting over from scratch. Supposedly she ruined his credit by running the credit cards without his knowledge. (welcome to my world!)

He was getting very negative about everything in general, such as his job, his boss, his co-workers etc. He would call me everyday, but didn't want to get together much for the past 2 months.

In hindsight, I probably put up with too much, but I really did love him and wanted to work through things. He really is a decent guy, just too much baggage that he needs to work through.
Stephanie

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