QOTW- Casual dating
Find a Conversation
QOTW- Casual dating
| Sat, 09-09-2006 - 9:17pm |
Ok- what the HECK does it mean?
I know what the meaning of "casual" is, and I know the meaning of "dating", but the two together sets off a million questions.


Good question, Alison! I've recently decided to (sort of) give up casual dating, so here's my POV...
for me, it's very similar to your explanation. I casually date people, with no intention of the relationship going anywhere... by date, I mean, we participate in some activity- bowling, the movies, dinner, what have you, without the expectation for things to get physical. It's meant for fun- not serious committment. Both people get to know each other and have fun with another adult without the pressure for "more".
For men, I've noticed that they seem to fall into two groups- the ones who are looking for sex basically, but think it's better to sugarcoat it and call it dating rather than be upfront and honest about their expectations, and the ones who view it the same way I do- to a point. They're totally cool with casually dating- no pressure, no committment, no sex, even, until they want more. Then, at least in my experience, they're angry or disappointed or whatever because women don't want to take the relationship to the next level. Casual dating to most men seems to men "casual until I decide I want otherwise".
The major reason I'm not really casually dating anymore... well, I wasn't actually going on all that many dates to begin with. But I also realized that it was a good thing for me to do- I had only ever been in serious relationships, so it was new and novel and a learning experience. But the biggest thing I learned was that I'm not good at juggling, and I'm simply made for serious relationships. Casual dating is fine, but I'm not interested in never forming a relationship with one specific person. It was good for me to learn that about myself, and I did have fun while dating casually, but I think I'm hardwired to be in a relationship. Now, I simply have to find the right person!
Moody- whose last date was certainly nothing to write home about!
Powered by CGISpy.com
I think mine is alot like what Allison said.
Guys think of casual dating as being able to date several different women, and possibly having sex with any or all of them, with no emotional attachments or commitments in the picture. (I'd love to hear what any board guys have to say about that!)
I think of casual dating as going out with several different men, without any commitments, no possessiveness such as thinking that your next weekend is "a given" that you'll be going out again (because you might be going out with someone else!). No expectations, no major kissing/making out, just simple kisses maybe. Even holding hands seem almost too intimate for casual dating. I see casual dating as absolutely NO SEX with ANY of the men while it stays under the definition of "casual dating". Once I decide I like a man enough to have sex, then the others would have been promptly kicked out of the picture long before. And then it is no longer "casual dating" with that chosen man. I guess casual dating for me might be to just hang out with different males who have potential for more than "just friends"- just to see if there is enough interest or not.
Really though- I don't usually date a man for more than 2-3 dates before I know that it will or won't go anywhere further beyond that casual-date stage. Just testing the waters, so to speak. I don't have much experience in trying to have a casual date situation with someone long-term. If I went out with someone long-term and it stayed casual (non-romantic), then they would be "just friends" to me, and not ever a romantic date.
I think guys can have a "casual dating" situation that lasts longer, because they DO allow that crossover into the FWB area. And then the sex makes them want to see the woman for more than just 2-3 dates only, even if they never see any commitments with her in the future.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Hope I helped!
gl
I agree with you Alison. That is how I view casual dating and that is fine but I think I'm a lot like Moody where I was learning more about myself and what I wanted out of a man for a relationship by casual dating and it was fun for a while but I really would like a relationship. Casual dating to me is just superficial which is something I am not. I have to tell myself not to get too serious too soon with some of the great guys I've dated because I don't want to scare them away or put the pressure on. The ones that just want sex hit the curb real fast! lol
Jennifer