I think I found a catch! (dating update)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
I think I found a catch! (dating update)
12
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 10:41am
& I am going to STOP freaking out that he may BE a catch ... cause' i dont WANT a catch ... yet! Not for like a year or 2! lol

This guy C is the one from Boston (1+ hr from me). Last nite was only our 3rd date in about 4 weeks ... 1st one was almost a month ago (for Waterfire) & the other was a very breif lunch

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 9:07pm

Your report is so refreshing that you are having so many options for dating and that you are having fun and that they are treating you well.

Just keep doing what you are doing - time will tell you. And I do believe that with your age and the fact that you do want one more child - you will find someone special soon enough. Don't settle with just one too soon - until you see he is that into you and you are the same with him.

The 45 never been married would make me a bit nervous - but he is from afar - so maybe that is why? That is my only thought. Just a thought.

You are kind to share your stories with us - we do hope you keep us posted!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 12:56am
I concur with the previous poster. I am happy that you are enjoying yourself. But I also feel a bit apprehensive about the guy being 45 and never married (despite being from afar.. they get married over there too). I would definately take my time with both of these guys. It sounds like you're having fun and I hope you're being honest with both of them and let them know that you are dating. You sound like such a nice person and I'm sure honesty is important to you. I can understand yuo wanting another baby.. 38 is still young, my aunt had my cousin at 37 and she was fine. Lots of women are having babies over 35. I wish you all the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 9:25am

Thanks for your feeback.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 9:30am

Hi - thanks. (see above, about the married thing)


I have not even talked at all about exclusivity with any of the guys I see.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 9:30am

I think it's great that you're keeping your options open and until he mentions that he wants to be "exclusive" you don't have any obligation to not see other people. And I think by going out it allows you to be more objective and you're not blinded. Plus if you're not readily available ALL the time for just him he's more likely to be intrigued and will pursue more. Fun fun!

I know what you mean about not having more babies. I'm 36 and I don't want more and tend to look for men that don't want more children. I have a BF and we both have kids the same age so eventually we're going to be at a point in life where the kids are grown and we can do what we want to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 11:09am

By "afar" I meant that he came here to the US from another country - and that does take time and focus - to establish yourself and get used to things here - so that could give him a little leeway for the age and never been married at 45 issue.

I have dated a few men in this category and find that there is always a BIG reason that they are this old and not married. Not to say every one is like that. For example, one was not capable at all of making any kind of change in his life - his mom abused him when he was little and I think he had issues. Another one didn't believe in paying taxes and didn't want to come to grips with the fact that his biz was deep in debt and not making any kind of substantial money to satisfy its existance. Just a caution - watch and see kind of thing.

The one thing I DO like is that his parents have been married a long time. AND the fact that he views marriage as an adult final stage thing - in other words that he wanted to have a good education and career in place. That is a much better reason than having a string of girlfriends and never meeting the right one - those are the guys who are players and the ones you have to watch out for.

You are doing great. To be honest, I think your story is one of the best we have seen on this board since I have been here. Because you are not going to "exclusive" too soon and you are putting yourself first and enjoying dating. And waiting.

Keep us posted and keep up the great job!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 1:21pm

If the guy lives 1+ hour away from you, the distance will make it hard to progress in the relationship. Eternal bachelors will set up scenarios that makes dating nearly impossible. It will be distance or a time factor. Some emotional unavailable men can only tolerate a once-a-month date. Keep an eye on that.

If dates don't happen at a frequency to suit you, then look for someone who is more available. Have the kind of relationship that YOU want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 2:45pm
lol- that IS the kind of relationship I want right now. Exactly. Its actually one of the major pluses. I dont want to get sucked into a relationship that means seeing eachother very frequently right now. I dont want anything serious or commited right now, so the long distance makes that all the more positive.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 5:45pm
Sounds like you know what you're doing. I'm happy for you. But an hour is really not that far away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 12:55pm

Hi Rebecca,

LOL, we always seem to be on the same page/stage.... I am right where you are as far as not wanting to get exclusive...I'm also giving myself 6 months before thinking about just one guy. Glad to hear that you are exploring the adventures in dating.

Have fun.

Love,
Loonybunny

PS I've been on so many first dates since my ex that I've lost count. And that's a huge improvement over the premarried me, 5 years ago. Truely for the first time in my life I'm enjoying dating and not being exclusive with just one.

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