6 y/o in the principal's office TWICE

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
6 y/o in the principal's office TWICE
5
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:38am

My 6 year old daughter has been in the principal's office twice since the beginning of the year. Her school year started August 1st. She's having a hard time adjusting from her kindergarten @ a day care facility to a normal kindergarten with a lot more rules and less freedom.

She has begun acting out in class with minor incidents of kicking, pinching, and yelling out. I've been lectured by the principal twice myself and I'm at my whitt's end. I've cut back on her privelages and treats but it's still not making much of a difference.

How do I dicipline my 6 year old w/out breaking her spirit?! I will not be the first parent with an expelled KINDERGARTENER!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:50am

Ouch, that is always a hard one, isn't it?


When Nicolas began acting out a few years ago, we actually traced it to an older kid at the daycare was picking on him.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:31pm

Sorry, but I have to LOL. My S15, (hereafter refered to as C), was under threat of being expelled from a summer program at age 6. After more investigation on my part, I discovered it was just one class/teacher he was having trouble with. So I dropped by, unannounced, with the intention of pulling him out of just that one class. When I looked in the door, no teacher, kids on top of the desks screaming, one kid throttling another- just chaos. Sure C was in the thick of it, but hardly the worst behaved, he just has a very difficult time calming down after getting that wild. Went straight to the principal's office w/ C and reported my findings. Didn't hear anything from the principal after that, I think they added an additional teaching aide for that class. C had other incidents through elementary school, but it was never as bad as it initially appeared. He's doing well in High School.

Definitely figure out what is triggering this behavior. Is it possible for you to spend some time in the classroom? I found punishment at home, so removed from the actual bad behavior, was not effective. C knew if he got into big trouble, the school would call me and I'd be there immediately. The punishment, even though it happened at home (loss of all computer use), was known in context to the incident. Also, I made a point to reward good behavior. A chart w/ stickers for every day there is no problem at school, after a week of no problems a reward of a small toy, candy, etc.

Talk to your pediatrician. He/she may have some ideas. Several teachers tried to peg C as ADHD, my pediatrician was adament- C is a very active, very bright kid, NOT ADHD, and would not get the level of attention he needed to prevent boredom in a public school setting. Since I and his dad were not big fans of private school I just started working w/ the teacher more and supplementing the curriculum w/more challenging reading and math. That helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:47pm

Thanks for your thoughts on the subject. I've found that my daughter is far beyond the rest of the kids in her kindergarten class in math, reading, & phonics. I have a feeling that she is bored with the classwork assigned and that she's acting out. They have "rest" time every day and she hasn't napped in over 2 years. This also causes her to act out.

The agression she shows towards the other students is mostly playground stuff. One kid won't move out of her way so she shoves him. Another kid moves his leg to stretch out and she thinks he's trying to trip her. She stomps on his foot. She's only picking on the boys. Which is an oddity?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:24pm

I have read the other posts - you have some good tips and advice.

I think you have to try to talk to your child and get to the root of what is happening - there is always a reason for this behavior especially at such a young age. Perhaps a fear? A bully?

I think that positive reinforcement beats punishment hands down in all cases. You will have to find a way to motivate your child to stay out of the principals office. But I have a feeling this will be easy once you find out WHY the acting out is happening.

I agree that you should drop by unannounced. OR maybe you can volunteer to be helping in the classroom. I would have meetings with the teacher and principal to see what they say. Keep digging.

One more thing - I find that most children do so well when they have enough attention and things to keep them busy - so maybe you can do more of that at home and in school?

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 9:03pm
Hi there. I have a just turned 8 yr old boy and he is in bilingual school. At the parent teacher conference the teachers ( there are two for each class, one per language) informed me that although he is doing great catching up on the second language he has a habit of tensing up his hands against the top of the shelf inside the little desk he sits in and that that worries them. I think they thought there were home issues somehow and that he was stressed about something family related and hurting himself without thinking. I listened and asked him but he had no idea what to tell me. Then the next week I show up to pick him up at school and the teacher brought him to me and put his hands out for me to see - marks now on them. YIkes right? So she explained that they had told him to please stop this and that she didnt want me thinking he was getting hurt at school. I excused her ( she is kind of young frankly,lol) and I took him out to walk home and asked him why he was doing that in a very casual tone. He said he wasnt sure. I asked if he knew that the behavior wasnt good for him and he said he did. So I asked again why he thought he did it and he said " I dont know" and this time I looked at him closely and realized that he literally wasnt sure why he did it. So I told him we all do things without thinking and that maybe it would help if he thought about the last feeling he had before he did that to his hands. Like what happens right before you do it? And he lit up and said " Oh I get angry when they pick on me and I cant get up out of my desk. They just make me feel so bad for getting the answers wrong and I dont know what to do" So I spoke to the teacher about it the next day.
My point in telling you this is just to let you know that sometimes you have to ask a couple of times in a couple of different ways. she knows whats up. She just may need some help in articulating it. Also, ALWAYS investigate no matter how reliable the teachers seem to be. I know my son's teachers thought that he was having home troubles. It was interesting to find out that they werent doing their job in protecting him against teasing in class.
Good luck!!