Getting back into the dating game

Avatar for dianal253
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2003
Getting back into the dating game
5
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:38pm

Hi, my name is Diana and I am a 35 year old, mom to my 12 yr old son Jonathan. I am wanting to get back into the dating game. I have recently gotten out of an off again on again relationship with a man that I was seeing over a period of 9 years. I realized that I was holding on to him because he was easy (not sexually), I didnt have to try, and it kept me from being lonely. The first 6 years of our relationship ended when we drifted in different directions. The last 3 years we have been in and out of eachothers life. I realized that I was using him, as long as he came around, I didnt feel the need to go out and meet people. After I realized what I was doing (took me long enough, huh?) I made a game plan to stop my behavior. Now that its been about 6 months, I think I am ready to start meeting people. So my question is.....How do you meet people, where do you go? I was very nervous with the online dating, I didnt really care for it. But unless I meet someone at my sons school, work, or through friends, I really dont get out. Help, what do you suggest?

Thanks,
Diana

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 6:31pm

This my dear, is the $27 million dollar question for us all.

When we are young and in school with a big dating pool we wouldn't even think of such a questions.

But now for the best bet you just have to get out and start doing different activities that you like. Go for a workout at the gym or in the park. Volunteer at school or the church. Chat with people you meet. Join a club. Take a class. Keep networking and building your circle.

I think that when you have a full life of activities that interest and enrich you, then you will meet the right person.

Hope this helps. Also hope others will post what they are doing to give us all more ideas.

I do agree with the online thing - it was not for me either.

WELCOME!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:27pm

I didn't mind online dating.

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Avatar for dianal253
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 11:40am

Thank you both so much for your imput, well I have started going to the gym 5 days a week (5am in the morning). There are some friendly nice looking guys there but I am overweight and I dont feel very attractive right now. (not at 5am in the morning) But I have lost a few pounds, thats a good thing. I have to say, I was thinking of some of the stuff I am doing now, but most of it involves my son in some way. I'm wondering if I am out with my son if I am "unapproachable" Maybe we should all brainstorm and come up with different things we can do or go to meet people. Has that already been done?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 3:59pm

I think you are somewhat more unapproachable when you are with your child. But I don't think that child things are all that bad - I mean - there probably are some nice single dads there, too.

I think the more you get out and enjoy yourself doing whatever activity, the more people you will meet. And the more people you meet the better - because even if they are not single - they might have friends who are single.

Don't worry about your appearance at the gym - just keep doing that for you. You might meet someone nice who is in the same boat or who enjoys helping you!!

I am not sure if we have brainstormed. But each person has to figure out how to get out of the house more and get more busy in their own situation. Talk to everyone you meet!

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:50pm
Well me too. I used to think I'd never find a guy. I still might not find one but hey this is what I'm trying. I'm trying it all. I like this online dating thing. I've got 5 guys I IM almost daily. They are funny and nice I think but it has not moved past this computer thing. I edit through them pretty quickly too. I find tempers come out over the computer pretty quick. I don't have a picture online and I will not put one up either. I work in a Mall and don't want any stalkers. However if I like them enough I'll tell them where I work and tell them to stop by and see me. If they actually talk to me I'm impressed being as I'm covered in sugar and flour at work.LOL. I have my friends looking for me and their boyfriends and husbands. One of the girls I work with has a bf in the Navy and he is looking for me as well. Funny thing is he told his gf if he wasn't dating her he would ask me out.LOL. I even went so far as to have my ex look for me. He has sent two guys my way those haven't worked out but one of the guys that came with one of them I'm talking to. Hey I'm meeting people. I'm going out. Which is not easy being as I've got the two kids and two jobs. I am also an avid person that does not want anyone to meet my kids till it will be serious. What I have found out is you never know where you might find someone or someone who has a friend. I have found that if you think you will meet someone the odds go way up. When I thought I would meet no one I didn't. Now that I think it is possible I am. I know what I want. Kinda but I'm sure I know what I don't want. Relax about it and a smile never hurts. Goodluck dear>Jo