Totally confused
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Totally confused
| Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:44pm |
I have an 7 year old daughter and have not even considered dating since her father and I split when she was an infant. I've recently become close to a co-worker that is very sweet and an introverted guy. My daughter absolutely loves him. My daughter comes to where I work in the beginning of the day so that's how she knows him. I'm attracted to how sweet and sincere this guy naturally is but he has very low self-esteem and always makes "downer" remarks about himself. He's quiet and has a hard time getting himself to interact where as I'm a homebody but very social. I always went for the "bad boy" kind of guy and this guy...I guess this kind of guy is the TOTAL opposite of anyone I've ever dated. I don't know what to do, I'm getting really strong hints that he wants me to give the go ahead but I just don't know. I also know that he wants to be seriously involved with a woman. He's looking for someone to marry. Would I be "settling" because of the lack of strong physical attraction? Is it possible to be happy and content with a friendly partnership? I know my daughter wants a father figure and I really do want more children and I will be 36 in February...I'm so confused!

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Whoa, Nelly! Slow down. You haven't even been on a date, don't go getting yourselves married already!
Now, as for the date/no date dilemma... what's the harm in going on some sort of casual, friendly date? Just because he's looking for a wife doesn't mean he'll find her in the first ten minutes. Everyone has to have some get to know you time, and he may deicde you're not his type.
But you don't know how you'll get on outside of work if you never see each other outside of work. I think if there's nothing completely turning you off from him physically, then there's a possibility for the physical attraction to grow. Not necessarily that it will, but in life and in love, we all have to be open to possibilities. If you're thinking of not even giving him a chance because he's a blonde and you go for darker guys, that's maybe something you could work on. However, if your attraction issue is much bigger than that (like he just completely repels you) you don't have to give him a chance just because he's a nice guy. There will be a match for him, and for you, who will love either of you the way you are.
One more thing, though. Dating people you work with, especially if it's a close working relationship, can get sticky. Make sure there are no rules about it, make sure you can handle seeing him inside and outside of work, whatever that entails, and most of all, have fun with your life!
Moody- totally crushing on a guy at work, and unable to do anything about it!
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Also, maybe you can look for the things you like about him in someone else that you might be more compatible with. You know you like how sincere he is, how nice, etc, so try to find another guy with those qualities, that you could potentially see yourself forming a relationship with. Even a casual relationship is a relationship, and there's nothing saying you can't be casual.
If I were you, I might back off, still be friendly, but let him know without telling him that you just want to be friends.
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Moody gave GREAT advice, as always.
One thing I thought of after reading through the thread was to mention physical attraction. That can develop when you start spending time together. But it cannot be forced. If you were to date you can wait and see.
The other thing I thought of is that it might be good for you to get out and date other people - not just put all of your eggs in one basket with him. He sounds nice - except for the downer part - but otherwise I like what you write about him. I would use caution since he is at work - but it sounds like you don't work that close so maybe okay?
Keep us posted!! And a big hearty welcome!!
One of my rules is this: Do not date someone you feel sorry for.
It's better to find an equal.
I think your only attraction to the guy is how he treats your daughter.
The guy sounds nice, but "nice" isn't enough to warrant a relationship.
Thanks so much for your advice! Everyone here has been such a great help to me!
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