What would you do? Am I selfish?
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| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 2:08pm |
Hi! I haven't posted here in a while (just lurking), but I would love some advice from you wise women!
Here's the situation: My daughter's father had to cancel their Tuesday evening visit this week. This was the first time ever (she is only a toddler) and he did it because he has a bit of a cold and didn't want to pass it on. He was being considerate of her and me and I know it broke his heart to do it because now he won't see her until their Saturday visit from 9:30a until 4:30p.
Now, in the meantime I have been asked to join a guy I have dated a couple of times and his friends at this great new restaurant in the area Saturday evening. There is no "spark" with the guy (at least not yet), but we have a good time together and would have a blast because his friends are so fun!
If I pick up my daughter from her father's place (1.5 hours away) at 4:30p, it will mean I will not be able to go to dinner.
Here is the part where all of the guilt and the question comes in... On a Tuesday, her father usually comes to our county and they go out to dinner or whatever until 7:30 so that she can come home and go to bed by 8:00p. I could suggest to him that the Saturday visit be extended to make up for their missed dinner earlier this week so that she would visit until 7:30 instead of 4:30. The thing is that because he lives 1.5 hours away, and she usually is in bed by 8:00, what I would be suggesting in effect is that she spend the night at his home and come home Sunday morning. This means I would get to go out, he would be absolutely thrilled to have time with her and I know she enjoys seeing her dad and spends full weekends there once a month, so would have no problem with one overnight.
I just feel so guilty even suggesting it, though! I feel like I would be putting her second somehow. Treating her like a pawn. Oh the guilt! She's my baby girl!!!
What do you think? Do I seem like a bad mom to my favorite little person in the entire universe if I create an opportunity to go out with fun people to what is supposed to be an awesome new restaurant and hot spot? I usually go out maybe once a month since that is my only opportunity and not even every month. Is this wrong??? Help please!
Thanks!

I don't think you should feel guilty at all.
To be a good mom you have to put yourself first. And it is not like you are leaving her with a bad person - you are leaving her with her dad which is basically equal to you in her eyes. I think everyone wins here!!
Keep us posted!
Of course you aren't selfish. This is her father, first of all. Secondly, even if you wanted to go and he couldn't take her, but you had a sitter you trusted, there would be nothing wrong with that, either. Mothers are people, too, and part of parenting is allowing our children to see this.
Ask him, they'll probably both have a great time, and so will you.
Moody
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