What would you do? Am I selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
What would you do? Am I selfish?
6
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 2:08pm

Hi! I haven't posted here in a while (just lurking), but I would love some advice from you wise women!

Here's the situation: My daughter's father had to cancel their Tuesday evening visit this week. This was the first time ever (she is only a toddler) and he did it because he has a bit of a cold and didn't want to pass it on. He was being considerate of her and me and I know it broke his heart to do it because now he won't see her until their Saturday visit from 9:30a until 4:30p.

Now, in the meantime I have been asked to join a guy I have dated a couple of times and his friends at this great new restaurant in the area Saturday evening. There is no "spark" with the guy (at least not yet), but we have a good time together and would have a blast because his friends are so fun!

If I pick up my daughter from her father's place (1.5 hours away) at 4:30p, it will mean I will not be able to go to dinner.

Here is the part where all of the guilt and the question comes in... On a Tuesday, her father usually comes to our county and they go out to dinner or whatever until 7:30 so that she can come home and go to bed by 8:00p. I could suggest to him that the Saturday visit be extended to make up for their missed dinner earlier this week so that she would visit until 7:30 instead of 4:30. The thing is that because he lives 1.5 hours away, and she usually is in bed by 8:00, what I would be suggesting in effect is that she spend the night at his home and come home Sunday morning. This means I would get to go out, he would be absolutely thrilled to have time with her and I know she enjoys seeing her dad and spends full weekends there once a month, so would have no problem with one overnight.

I just feel so guilty even suggesting it, though! I feel like I would be putting her second somehow. Treating her like a pawn. Oh the guilt! She's my baby girl!!!

What do you think? Do I seem like a bad mom to my favorite little person in the entire universe if I create an opportunity to go out with fun people to what is supposed to be an awesome new restaurant and hot spot? I usually go out maybe once a month since that is my only opportunity and not even every month. Is this wrong??? Help please!

Thanks!

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 2:16pm
You do not seem like a bad mom! You are considering asking her FATHER to care for her - not a stranger. They are both likely to have a wonderful evening. Just don't get upset if her father declines - he might have plans himself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 2:18pm

I don't think you should feel guilty at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:13pm

To be a good mom you have to put yourself first. And it is not like you are leaving her with a bad person - you are leaving her with her dad which is basically equal to you in her eyes. I think everyone wins here!!

Keep us posted!

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:41pm
Go out and have fun. Your not leaving your daughter with a stranger it is her dad whom she would like to spend time with. I never go out. If someone asked me out I'd do anything to do it. Your not putting your daughter second you want to have fun. That is a good thing. My fun has been reduced to a bag of chips and coke. I'd go. I wouldn't think twice about it. Just what I would do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 9:37pm

Of course you aren't selfish. This is her father, first of all. Secondly, even if you wanted to go and he couldn't take her, but you had a sitter you trusted, there would be nothing wrong with that, either. Mothers are people, too, and part of parenting is allowing our children to see this.
Ask him, they'll probably both have a great time, and so will you.

Moody


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 11:10pm

Happy Mommys = Happy Kiddos!

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