how to approach ex about trip with BF
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how to approach ex about trip with BF
| Mon, 11-27-2006 - 4:51pm |
My BF wants me to go with him for a week in February. We've been together almost 8 months now so it's not like we just met.
Getting the time off work is no problem, but asking my ex to take the kids for the whole week may be. I was thinking that I would offer to take the kids for a week if he would take them for a week. We're planning on leaving the week before school vacation.
Any ideas about how to approach him?

I've had to juggle that one a bit... and it went okay.
I just make it seem like I'm being generous in OFFERING him a week's opportunity to spend with the kids. And in exchange (if you want to "make it fair" to make it looks more enticing, if he is an 'it's gotta be fair' kind of man like my ex is), you can offer to take the kids for a whole week as well.
But really- if the kids spend most of their time with you, then I don't think taking them for a week (to give him a break) is necessary.
But just make it sound like you're giving up time with the kids so he can have an entire week with them. Just keep in mind though- if he isn't the primary caregiver, then he will have to work in childcare and things if he can't keep the kids with him 24/7- and that could be reason enough for him to say no. I don't know your current arrangements, or how much time he is used to spending with the kids, but that is always a factor, especially if he isn't used to having the kids for any large amount of time.
And if things can't work out the way you need it to, I hope the current BF doesn't get bent out of shape over it- because you shouldn't be made to feel like you're a "bad girlfriend" because you're trying to be a good mom.
~shrimpy, tossing out pocket change
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I would go ahead and ask him, and if he says no, then ask his mom as your back up plan.
I would word it like this "I am going away and thought I should give you the first chance at getting to spend time with the kids." And if he says no then that is his right - then you have to ask his mom.
Good luck!! I hope he sees that it is a chance for him to spend time with his own kids instead of make your life more inconvenient.
Thanks for the input guys! My ex is pretty involved with the kids and very "hands on". It usually goes to his head and he thinks that he's doing it all when I'm doing the very same things during my time with them too. He got down on me for missing a parent-teacher conference (that he scheduled) because I had other plans with my oldest son. He'll totally ignore the fact that I have never missed a conference in I don't know how many years and that I'm the one soley responsible for taking them to doctor's appointments and dentist appointments.
Anywhoo, my BF gave me the dates for departure and return and as it turns out the first five days of the trip are on my ex's days to have the kids, then all I have to worry about is finding help for the following 4 days. Right now I'm waiting till I get the final "ok" from my employer regarding the requested days off before I rock the boat.