how does everyone do it
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how does everyone do it
| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 12:17am |
Two years now being single, and though I have my moments, I am fairly stable. But not a single date. Not even coffee. I do want to date too. What am I doing wrong? I work with mostly men, and I have been described as beautiful by most of them during light conversations. Most make jokes about how I finished high school only last year (been nearly 20 years by the way) so I have been told I look quite young. I work in a professional environment and wear suits. I dress nicely, wearing silk scarves, high heels, coordinated jackets and skirts or pants. Skirts are always at the knee so I don't look like a librarian or unprofessionally short. I am completely self sufficient and not demanding, in that I own my own house and drive a nice car. Even so, if asked about my living or driving or financial arrangements, I politely brush it off as 'enough' and don't like to talk about it. So I don't feel I create some intimidating atmosphere that might scare guys away. Most people describe me as very nice. Maybe too nice? A formal dance is coming up at the beginning of the year. Imagine an opulent ball room in a royal palace, live music and formally dressed waiters serving champaign while couples waltz. They are taking reservations for it now. But though I have casually mentioned that I would like to go if I could only find a partner, not a single person jumped forward. It is difficult to take the initiative too since I have no idea who isn't married or unattached. But sadly, and I am definitely sad about it, I will not be joining the masses of happy couples that night. What do I do wrong?

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Hi there hglucky,
Do you do anything else besides work? Like do you have any hobbies or activities that are not work related?
I think it is a matter of doing something new and trying to improve your social network a little.
When we get older and out of school the dating pond does recede. So it takes work to meet new people.
Additionally, maybe you have a friend at work who is a guy who is married - he can help keep an eye out for you if he has any single friends who are looking. And you can ask all of your friends this for that matter.
Maybe everyone at work is in a comfort zone and they don't want to mix dating with work?
Good luck!
Hglucky,
I can definitely relate, girlfriend! I get compliments too and guys ask why am I single and talk about how I seem like a great catch, yet they don't make the effort to reel me in lol I'm sure it's not anything you are doing wrong. Maybe the guys at work are just paranoid about dating coworkers because if things didn't work out, there'd be the awkwardness of having to still see each other every day. The formal dance sounds like it would be a wonderful opportunity, though. I'm sure there will be others going alone or maybe coworkers bringing single friends. This would also be a chance to find out which of your coworkers are paired up and if there's any mutual interest in an environment outside of work.
Have you tried online dating? I've had some success with that. Still, I would love to meet someone in a more traditional way, ie through a friend or in the produce section of the grocery store...
Good luck!!
Hglucky,
Wow, I was in your same shoes only 6 months ago.. So I'm going to tell you the book I read that completely changed my dating scene and dating attitude.
"How To Get A Date Worth Keeping" by Henry Cloud.
I'm always pushing this book...lol. But I read it and did the activities suggested in the book and I started getting dates. The front of the book says, "Start dating in 6 months or your money back." I like that kind of guarantee, don't you. In less than 2 months, I got my first date in over 2 years. And i've been steadilly getting dates ever since.... So I'd say its a good book.
I think we know each other from a few other boards at ivillage. Great to see you and great to see that you are ready to jump back into the dating scene.
Love,
Loonybunny
Anyway, it isn't you and i understand your frustration. I have spent many, many lonely nights at home wondering why....what did i do wrong. We have done nothing wrong. Just have to accept that it is in Gods time not mine...ugh. I just wish he would hurry up...lol
I find myself in the same situation as most people here. I have had two dates in the last two years - and they were both horrible. When I mention I have kids, they run (my kids are 14 and 17, so it's not like they can't fend for themselves - but THEY get more dates than I do). Mention that my son is gay, and they leave skid marks.
I'll have to check out that book - because my social life right now consists of my children and their friends - here it is Friday night, and I'm online! I'll let you know how the book works!
Well, i am sorry i am rambling here, i am so glad that i got on this site and am getting to meet such wonderful ppl. I have everyone in my prayers.
hugs to everyone.
I just left a three year relationship and I'm feeling certain that I'll probably never date again because that's what happens when you leave a relationship, even if you're the one to end it.
I don't have the answers, but I do sometimes wonder why dating is the ONE area of my life I'm passive about. I went to an Ivy league school, I raise my two kids, I'm successful and go after what ever the hell I want because I know how. Have I EVER asked a man out? NO. Have I ever asked a man for his number? NO. Maybe we need to go after the men we want rather than waiting for them to show up.
Don't get me wrong. I am the biggest chicken when it comes to men. I like being pursued, but I do think that if we really want something we shouldn't wait for life or God or chance to just hand it to us. What do you all think?
Welcome!
This is absolutely wonderful on paper. The problem lies, I think, in the ability to discern the intentions of the man. Because you really need 2 to tango, and it is not fun doing the work for 2 and being a one way street. I would rather just be happy by myself than lonely/unhappy with MrWrong.
From observing my friends and the people on this board, I have come to the conclusion that you will meet the right person for you when you are happy/secure being alone. AND when you can discern if the guy is "that into you" without you having to prompt, seduce or beg him. He just does it by his actions.
Because men are very simple creatures. They don't really NEED affection or attention or a relationship the way we women do. They don't go out of their way to find someone or read tons of books and spend time worrying about this. Someone close and easy (not meaning easy in bed but easy to their life situation) pops up that catches their eye/fancy and that is it for them.
I believe the hardest thing for any of us to do is nothing. But in my opinion, it is best. Now, you can engage in the activities that make you most happy. And look your best. And you can certainly say no to the wrong one. Those are the things you can control.
But what he does to court you is so important in my opinion that I could not see bypassing that step. I want a guy that asks me all about me and is amused by me and wants to know more. Who wants to call in a store or at work because he wants my opinion. And who wants to see me on a regular basis and will make time for me.
Otherwise I am just plumb happy being alone.
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