Court for contempt was this week ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Court for contempt was this week ....
4
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 6:18am

we filed a motion for all the times he breaks the parenting agreement by telling dd horrible things about me, lies, & for all the sad, horrible things he says TO dd about me, about the break up & to me, in front of her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 1:06pm
Hi, R,
So sorry for your continued trouble w/psycho X. And am very sorry your sweet daughter is subjected to 1. being put in the middle, 2. witnessing her father's nuttiness, and 3. being taught that Mom is somehow responsible for everyone's happiness. The guy can't go out and get a lb. of hamburger? Giving him ANY of the ingredients was beyond nice. My X acted the same way, w/ the same bitterness after every attorney's letter. Just totally lost it. My boys are old enough to see the craziness as crazy, not a model for normal behavior. My daughter is too young to be too effected, yet. I do worry about her as she gets older, though her dad is slowly getting better about all the legal crap HE is still dragging us both through. (you all would freak if you knew what my legal bills have added up to- it's obcene) I am building my case for attorney's fees, but am told it is rare for a judge to grant them.
All I can say is have as little interaction with him as possible. Don't give him the opportunity to get nuts with you while your daughter is there. Whenever my psycho X calls me while in a mood I just say goodbye and hang up. I hope you explained to your daughter that dad could go get the hamburger for the sloppy joes. He is responsible for feeding her during his time. I guess I at least have the leverage that my X has to appear sane to keep his job. So he does back down whenever there could be witnesses or I am on the verge of calling the sheriff. And I do insist he take responsibility for the kids when he has them- no carting of clothes or toys or even sheet music back and forth. At first he still expected me to tell him the kids schedule every day, now he has to pay attention on his own.
Again, a big cyber hug, and hope you get the fees reimbursed. Hope he does the counseling, but it may not do much good. These guys are resistent to therapy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 2:02pm

I think your exh sounds like a major immature self-centered idiot that sees the glass as half full instead of half empty. Of course that is the point of why he is an EX!!

Sounds like you do have your hands full but are also handling everything right to the best of your ability.

You were so kind to send dd with buns and SJ mix. He should be thankful for that and go get the meat and treat it as a good time with dd. BUT no - he has to call you at work to complain about what he didn't get.

He sounds like the type of person where the more you do that is nice, the more you give him reason to be mean and resentful instead of appreciative.

Good luck with that one and keep us posted. I agree with queenbun that you have to minimize contact and don't do anything extra. But that is easier said than done. I am sure. Hopefully he gets a good counselor that will help his outlook, but I would not expect much.

The thing that makes me wonder, is how can there be so many jerk guys in the world like that. What bum luck that you had to run into one like that. What kind of parents/family life did he come from? Just curious!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 7:42pm
I don't know about Rebecca's X, but mine has a similar disordered personality. I have asked myself how he turned out to be such a self absorbed monster when his parents are decent, very giving and loving people. How they reacted to our divorce was a real eye opener. To them, their children can do no wrong, even when clearly in the wrong, they will NEVER tell that son/daughter that perhaps they need to change what they are doing. So my X grew up with the belief he was special, and that he deserved to have everyone, including his own children, serve his needs and that there shouldn't be any consequences for his bad behavior. I am the first person who told him, NO, I won't stand for that behavior, and the consequences were the worst he's ever imagined- lost half his net worth and then had to face how much he had relied on me, needed me. Boy was he enraged. Then S18 stood up to him as well, and that was really ugly. And the sad thing is that his parents live with him now, and he is verbally abusive towards them. They just put up with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 5:45pm

Your ex sounds a lot like mine. I have almost no conversations with my ex. If he starts saying something that I don't want to hear, I hang up on him. He learned fairly quickly that I would hang up as soon as he tried to belittle me. We don't do small talk and I will not answer any questions about my personal life. If it's not about DS, the conversation is over.

I know the ex said a ton of crap about me and my family during the custody stuff and for a couple of years after that. Even now, he'll make random jerky comments. DS just ignores the comments. I mean, it makes my son dislike his father and actually draws my son closer to me and my family since we don't engage in that kind of behavior.

During the custody stuff, we had court-ordered psych evaluations. The psychologist told me that it's better for a kid to know a jerk father for who he is. I didn't believe it at the time, but I do now. My son knows his father. So, he can't make him into a super hero in his mind...like kids do if the dad is absent.