Starting to date but ........HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Starting to date but ........HELP
4
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 9:19am
I am starting to date finally. I am a single mother and the last relationship I had was witht the child's father. He saw me before pregnancy, during and after. He knew what to expect and why my body now has a few stretch marks here and there. (And why it's not quite what it used to be....yet) My fear now is that every man I am going to meet is not going to know that sometimes having a baby can change the way a woman's body looks. I am just so scared of having to show myself to anyone. I have turned down dates for fear that it could lead somewhere further and I don't want to face a possible bad reaction. (Like "what are those marks...eww.) My friend has said they probably won't notice that much. (that we notice far too much) But I need to know from people who have been through this.--Has anyone had to overcome this kind of thing? How did you deal with it? Do you think guys are very concerned with this sort of thing-or as much as we think they are? (with clothes on I look pretty much the same as before)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:00am
I am 24, not only do I have HORRIBLE stretch marks (I gained most of my weight in the last month.. all in my stomach, and I'm allergic to pretty much all of the lotions that are supposed to help with that) I also had an emergency c-section, so I have a huge scar going from my belly button, down, and shortly after my son was born I had to have another major abdominal surgery to have my gallbladder removed.. I have been with my current BF (Not FOB) who is 26, for a little over a year.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:21pm

I've had two kids. I have stretch marks. I also have sags where there didn't used to be any, wrinkles, am starting to get gray hair, and just generally don't look the same as I did in high school.
I look better. In fact, when people I went to high school with see me, they tell me so.
The reason for this is that I am happier than I have ever been, with myself, with my life, with the world in general. That, my friend, is the most attractive quality. It will shine through no matter what your post-baby body looks like. Nothing kills that shine like insecurity.
I've dated since giving birth, and frankly, I didn't give my "life marks" a second thought. It isn't just stretch marks and sagging skin where there used to be none- it's a testiment to the fact that I've lived. And guess what- people who don't have children sometimes have stretch marks, men included. I think of the stretch marks, and all the rest, more as battle scars than disfigurements. I don't flaunt them, neccessarily, but I certainly don't hang my head in shame, as they're simply a part of me, much as green eyes or a warped sense of humor are a part of me. And I love all of me.
Trust me, when it's the right guy, he'll love you BECAUSE of your imperfections, not IN SPITE of them.

Moody- beautiful because of the life she's lived


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:23am

Good for you, finding such a great guy!


I once read "Stretchmarks are the roadmap to life" !

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 3:58pm

Men don't really care if you've had a baby or not. They don't really pay that much attention. Yes, they know what stretch marks are. If he knows you've had a baby and he sees the stretch marks, he'll put two and two together and be okay with it.