I have the key, but can I use it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
I have the key, but can I use it??
36
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 1:16pm

~Pacific~

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 2:00pm

THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA FOR YOURSELF!!! 2008 is just starting and I think we are all taking opportunities for a change in ourselves. Mine is to also find the real me again and not living in constant fear of being hurt. When I find myself in a relationship, I rear and UGLY head. It's like I test every relationship to see what it's going to take for him to stick by me. I'm just awful. I am trying to learn to be a better person and to also quit hurting myself by dating the wrong people for not only myself but potentially for my children.


Ok, so basically, what I want you to do is go to www.meetup.com and find yourself groups to join. I joined a few more last night. Aside from salsa, bellydancing, all the singles meetups, I am now in the positive club, the adventure club (hiking, waterrafting, etc) and the cooking club. All are free or pretty much free. I love the photography club, but I don't have a camera, so it doesn't really bring a reason to join right now. Find one that works for you. Make new friends, find yourself and the things you enjoy. I am sure they have a huge amount of options in your area.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 2:27pm

When I find myself in a relationship, I rear and UGLY head. It's like I test every relationship to see what it's going to take for him to stick by me.


You certainly struck a nerve with me on this. I've done it too without realizing it probably in every relationship I have ever had. Which is why finally I have to get right with ME so I can stop wrapping my world around them and their issues.


I see it now.


High school BF-

~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 2:57pm

Start one up! It's really easy! I would do a golf disc co-ed. It gets funny! There should already be a wine-tasting group. We have a

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 3:23pm

I'm a

~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 3:48pm

Start a wine tasting group too. Cooking class could be hard. You would have to find venues that offer classes which could get expensive or get people to volunteer for the job.


As for the disc-golf start with a 30 something club and one co-ed club and see which one gets more popular. You can mesh both of them together. I wanted to start a bowling league club.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 5:03pm

Wow. Pac.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 7:07pm

thanks, Soonee


In all honesty I wrote that out knowing full well it is what I am going to and needing to do...and yet this afternoon I am simply wiped out, sad, depressed. I cannot remember the last time I ever felt so down. I cry over every thought practically and I have been for days.


These things I wrote about are crucial and I'll do them. At this moment though I feel emply without any gusto to even move. I hate this but I feel immobilized because I feel Blue Eyes distancing- you know the feeling? No conversations at all today with him and I want to not need to hear from him to feel ok. I just feel isolated..you know? I just feel him drifting away. I wish I didn't care.


~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 7:38pm
Maybe he also feels drained right now. I'm sure you both are on the same wave length, but it just isn't a happy one right now. He may be feeling confused or may just need a rest from talking. You know how men get. Pac, he loves you and you love him. Not hearing from him or feeling him being there for you does NOT make you weak. Your just experiencing a rough patch that will go away soon. You just have to try and overcome the hump and express all the things you keep feeling to us. Again, don't call him, let him come to you. The more crowded he feels the more he'll distance himself. If you don't contact him, he'll miss you and become curious enough to call you and hear your voice.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 7:46pm

Hey Pacific.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 7:55pm

Acks sweetie - we all have days like these. You just need hugs and kind words and to go to bed early. The thing is, you are both starting to see your differences in what is really important to you. And you have a lot to think about for yourself. I loved what you wrote in your first message here. THERE IS definitely a lot of things in common with our relationships and if we don't want to keep repeating these patterns then we have to recognize them and make the change in ourselves. They are important learning steps for us.

I was trying to think about mine and what they have in common. I have to think some more and then write more tomorrow. Right now I am so tired I am ready for bed - and it is not 8PM. Just had a long hard day with work, running DS to another game (had a great chat with the moms there!), going to Walmart, starting the science fair project which involved a collossal mess of dirt and worms on the counter and photographs of such process and moving them gingerly to the patio and heat up leftovers and clean up the kitchen.

Every day is a new day - and it can bring good things you have not thought of - you just have to do the best you can with what you are given in the moment and make good decisions along the way.

Hope tomorrow is better and you wake up renewed and with more thoughts.

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