so upsetting
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so upsetting
| Thu, 02-21-2008 - 9:36pm |
So it turns out that the sister "B" with the drunk violent bf has been purposefully setting out to make me look bad for no reason with her other sisters. Her newest excuse for her behavior the other week (which just to recap among other things was her grinning while my bf - her brother - was getting beaten by her idiotic bf )is that she suffered a miscarriage a few weeks prior and is feeling horrible about it. This may or may not be true but I personally cannot excuse her behavior and I have been through a miscarriage so I know how devastating it is. The truth is the bf then got her that puppy. What a ridiculously low class redneck kind of thing to do - have gf who miscarried? buy her a puppy to replace the baby. huh? As you can tell I am still bitter over the other week.
BUT just in case I was getting over the other week -here is the latest. My bf confided in her about two years ago that I had issues with my health that were GYN related resulting in cystic ovaries and lots of people testing me for things because I have the gene for my mom's cancer. It is something I am sensitive about and I know it might make it necessary for me to have surgery, possibly radical surgery, unless they come up with a preventative for ovarian cancer so that they could catch me early. My chances of getting the cancer are very high with the gene I have. If I do have the surgery, I will be unable to bear children again which tears my heart to pieces and I know bf wants kids. So I know bf went to "B" for support on this issue because he wanted to support me better and deal with his own feelings about possibly adopting if we needed to or surrogacy etc....This was supposed to be private info and she knew that. We hadnt told anyone else in the family - "b" was the sister he was closest with. I havent even told my own brother or father that I have this gene - I dont want him worrying about me. They may just guess I have it but they dont know I got tested and found out for sure. My mother's death was horribly traumatic on my whole family and I dont want to burden them with thinking I will have the same fate. So now she has told everyone in the family. She supposedly told them as a way of explaining that I am not good for him and cant give him what he will need eventually and I am just too old for him. It is horribly immature of her of course and I know I should just see it as that and move on but DAMN, this is my private medical info and stuff that I am very fragile about in how it relates to me as a woman, potential surgeries that take away my most feminine parts, I want other babies very badly.....you get the picture. I was near tears when he told me this had leaked to the rest of his family today. I honestly just want to kill her. (sorry)
Cat- I want a drink and I have rum but as you know, my body is rejecting alcohol so I cant!!! Its so unfair that for some reason I am so allergic to the stuff I cant even have one glass because I really need to calm down.
I am going to do some yoga tonight by myself and try and find center again but I am nowhere near calm right now.
Also for some reason my kid had to do a report on hepatitis B in SPANISH tonight. I about croaked when I found out - I mean, does anyone know how to write "WHAT THE HELL" in Spanish? It was grueling and weird and just not what my aching heart wanted at all but I did it. I would like a big pat on the back for that!!
I am also just so tired having been in three hour grueling rehearsals every day this week for something next week and it is hard as nails to get right. I have another one tomorrow and I am also teaching each day three hours or so so my brain is just fried. I feel like this news just has shortcircuited me....
BUT just in case I was getting over the other week -here is the latest. My bf confided in her about two years ago that I had issues with my health that were GYN related resulting in cystic ovaries and lots of people testing me for things because I have the gene for my mom's cancer. It is something I am sensitive about and I know it might make it necessary for me to have surgery, possibly radical surgery, unless they come up with a preventative for ovarian cancer so that they could catch me early. My chances of getting the cancer are very high with the gene I have. If I do have the surgery, I will be unable to bear children again which tears my heart to pieces and I know bf wants kids. So I know bf went to "B" for support on this issue because he wanted to support me better and deal with his own feelings about possibly adopting if we needed to or surrogacy etc....This was supposed to be private info and she knew that. We hadnt told anyone else in the family - "b" was the sister he was closest with. I havent even told my own brother or father that I have this gene - I dont want him worrying about me. They may just guess I have it but they dont know I got tested and found out for sure. My mother's death was horribly traumatic on my whole family and I dont want to burden them with thinking I will have the same fate. So now she has told everyone in the family. She supposedly told them as a way of explaining that I am not good for him and cant give him what he will need eventually and I am just too old for him. It is horribly immature of her of course and I know I should just see it as that and move on but DAMN, this is my private medical info and stuff that I am very fragile about in how it relates to me as a woman, potential surgeries that take away my most feminine parts, I want other babies very badly.....you get the picture. I was near tears when he told me this had leaked to the rest of his family today. I honestly just want to kill her. (sorry)
Cat- I want a drink and I have rum but as you know, my body is rejecting alcohol so I cant!!! Its so unfair that for some reason I am so allergic to the stuff I cant even have one glass because I really need to calm down.
I am going to do some yoga tonight by myself and try and find center again but I am nowhere near calm right now.
Also for some reason my kid had to do a report on hepatitis B in SPANISH tonight. I about croaked when I found out - I mean, does anyone know how to write "WHAT THE HELL" in Spanish? It was grueling and weird and just not what my aching heart wanted at all but I did it. I would like a big pat on the back for that!!
I am also just so tired having been in three hour grueling rehearsals every day this week for something next week and it is hard as nails to get right. I have another one tomorrow and I am also teaching each day three hours or so so my brain is just fried. I feel like this news just has shortcircuited me....



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Oh Sweetie - I am so sorry - that is SO hard to deal with. & to know that someone used that fragile medical info AGAINST you? Unforgiveable.
BUT, i dont think it changes anything. I think YOU need to seperate yourself from his family right now. What HE does isnt an issue. If he wants ot continue to see them, to play into their games, for whatever reason - families have their own bonds - YOU dont have to be subjected to it. & as for you not being "good for him" if you cant have more kids - thats HIS decision, NOT THEIRS. So please, ignore anything they say, & look to him. B/c he IS with you. Period. xxoo
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
BF has known from the beginning about my medical stuff so I know if he was worried about it he would not have moved in with us. Neither of us are ready for more kids right now. We are kind of in love with raising my son and watching him grow and neither of us can imagine having time for another right now. I am 34 so I guess before long I will have to start thinking about surgery versus more kids but I am ok with shelving the discussion both in my head and outloud with him for the time being.
Just to lighten things - I had a GYN ( male, very cute) ask me years ago if I was aware of the fact that I needed to assess my risks. I asked him what he meant and he said " Are you done having kids yet?" and I said " I am divorced" and he said "You should have the rest of your children as soon as possible" and I batted my eyes at him and said "Are you asking me out?" It would have been great if that had been the start of something but alas it wasnt. Funny story though!!
I can totally relate to the way you feel with the family thing. Because my exh's family was totally toxic and they didn't like me. Every year we would go on a vacation with them and there would be all these hassles and arguments and then every year they would plan another one. It really was a huge strain on our marriage. I could write books about his sisters and mother.
The thing is, blood is much thicker than water so they say. So while you are furious and don't want anything to do with them, it is inevitable that he will talk to her again because she is his sister.
Somehow you two will have to come up with a way to manage this - where your BF acknowledges your feelings and accepts them and respects them and sets boundaries with his family. In a way he does have to choose between them and you. I have seen other couples who had the same challenges that exh and I - but the husband sided with his wife and set firm boundaries with his family.
Next time try drinking a light glass of wine or a wine cooler. It might help you.
I agree with everyone else has to say. I know how hard it is to go through what you are. I've been there. You may here me mention it every so often, but I had uterus and cervical cancer. It's a scare and it is a sensitive subject. I'm glad I decided to have my little girl before it happened, because now it's next to impossible for me to get pregnant anymore. Had I aborted like X Hubby wanted me too, I would pretty much have been guaranteed not having anymore children and that would have devastating because I wanted a total of 6, but glad it's only 2 now.
Big
Oh Sweetie - I'm sorry to hear this is going on.
I can still have kids as of right now. I dont know exactly how fertile I am because I havent checked but technically I should be able to because everything is still intact and I am 34. I did get pregnant by accident ( twins!) and then miscarried a little over a year and a half ago with BF. I was prepared to go through with the pregnancy but I dont know how that would have effected us. I just figured it was the universe stepping in and taking the lead with all of my GYN issues. It was upsetting to miscarry but I was lucky in that I was starting to miscarry at the DRs office and they kept me there and talked me through it. I would assume that is an indicator of my fertility ( or stupidity:)....I had just changed birth control and was stupid about not using back up) BF wants kids but he is 26 and not quite ready to expand the brood so to speak and I have to agree with him. We are run ragged pursuing our careers and raising my son together and I cant imagine it for now. I would like to though in the next few years. And we are very very happy together and I definately see an engagement in the future - just not sure when. I think it is hard for him to move forward with anything right now because of the amount of drama in his family going on. I personally would like to see him better adjusted to the loss of his parents and newly configured relationship with sisters before he proposes because I want us both to be in a solid place before we make that move.
I also am not traditional enough to require in my head that we get engaged or even married. I am kind of liberal about such things but I know he wants that for himself. He is the child of a second marriage for both of his parents so I think it sits differently in his head - all of his sisters are from that second marriage as well. His father was a plastic surgeon and his mother was his nurse and they had been friends for years before they got married. His mother had no kids before marrying his father but his father had 3 already in Sweden. So there are half brothers and sisters around the world too but I havent met all of them. I am having enough trouble with the 3 sisters that are around even with one of them living most of the time in the UK. B and J are both here in town though. Although I think B is now moving to CA. ( good riddance in my opinion)
If I do what the GYN says based on this cancer gene, I would be getting a full hysterectomy and double mast as well. It is radical but ovarian and breast cancer is linked because of the gene I have. My mother was diagnosed at 48 and there is evidence that suggests that when the gene is passed the next person ( me) has a high probability of onset a decade earlier. So I would be looking at possible diagnosis for one of the cancers at 38. One of my GYNS told me that in a five year window to that date is where they start talking radical and at 34 I am in the five year window which is why they are pushing for the surgery or for me to get pregnant and "finish up"....lol Apparently also the more I stay pregnant and nursing the better. There are almost no diagnostic tools for early ovarian cancer. I do what is available but it is not paid for by insurance because it is in trial basis so we dont even know how effective it is. I just do what I can and pay out of pocket so that I know I am doing what is available.
HOw is your healthy now in remission? I know how hard cancer and treatment can be on every part of you even if I only know it second hand. What are your chances now of having more children if you dont mind my asking - and what are the complications you face?
Thanks for the support though - I really appreciate it. I cant imagine having them living down the street - that must be hard for you and I remember your post well. You are of course right to take your space right now and have some peace. We all need that after all. If not for us than for these kids we are raising!!
Oh honey, I am so sorry that this keeps escalating on you...I am so sorry that she felt the need to blab your private information, she is just being childish!
April
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