Need to vent just a little

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Need to vent just a little
9
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 2:03pm
Ok,after a weekend where I worked my butt off and was just downright a not so good one,,I in 2 days will be seeing C who was the man I was involved with,(the older man) that I discussed when I first got on this group. I am over the Ex husb by a long shot but this one..I am still not over.It is discouraging because this was the first time in my entire life I felt that I had found my "perfect one." We havent talked in 3 weeks.He became angry when I expressed my hurt by not seeing or hearing from him because he was more of a workaholic than I was.I will see him in 2 days.Its unavoidable and I am not sure how either of us will react.I dont know if he will avoid me or if it will be like nothing happened.He hasnt returned my texts I sent appologizing for how bitchy I was.I didnt sleep very well last night and ended up laying in bed crying.All that I have thought over the last 2 days is how I am going to see him and how hurt I am over all of this when we had such high hopes.We were phenominal together until the feelings got involved and he panicked stating he wasnt ready to get married...MARRIAGE wasnt even spoken of!!!!....I am not sure how I am giong to handle this.I really thought I could handle almost anything and I do know regardless that I will make it through this too..it just hurts and I want to wish for the best but at the say time know its not likely to happen.I dont think I will be ok until this is over and Wed is past and I will finally know for sure.So sorry for the down type of message but I am just really feeling depressed over all of this. So remember to send some good vibes and prayers for Wed.This is just a awful feeling.I know its time I move on and start dating and I really want to,I just need some closure with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 2:14pm

Hugs!!!


I think it will be OK. I know the anxiety and anticipation must be killing you. It's hard for me to even focus on work when I am waitng for something to happen like that. I will definatley be thinking good thoughts for you this Wednesday.


My hope is that he stops by and talks to you or maybe you can go to lunch. I would let him approach you- and try really hard to keep busy or appear that way- despite the fact that inside you would drop everything for him to talk with you, lol! (I know I would feel kinda like that)


Ya, maybe he got freaked about the expectations he thinks you have, and maybe he's not ready for more. But still- maybe just dating to see what happens without expectations is in the cards.


Good luck- and try to rest better tonight. Pick out something to wear wednesday that makes you feel good!


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 2:24pm
Thanks girl, I have already got my wardrobe picked out..which is just a nicer pair of scrubs..lol..nursing kinda leaves you limited on apparel but you can bet your patoutie I will be up a hour earlier getting myself together and atleast making him see Im still kicking! I know I will be quaking inside and deep down will be hoping that things turn out well and he approaches me and we solve our issues.I really hope I can make it through the day and not end up a crying mess.It would be horrible to have 300 soldiers in front of me and me break down like a ninny!I just cant concentrate and my mind is making me stay still when all I want to do is run off and cry like a baby! Thanks for your encouragement! I will keep yall posted...
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 3:44pm
Poor Honey! That is pure psychological terror your putting yourself through! I would be feeling the exact same thing. I've put my through sheer hell like that once. I was so in love with someone that knowing I was going to see him made me break out in shingles. It was awful. Maybe if you aren't ready to see him, you should have a sick day to re-coop a little longer. I know you want to show him your strong, but maybe you shouldn't put that much pressure on yourself. 3 weeks just isnt' that long. Big big hugs to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 4:08pm

Thanks girl ,one of the other nurses I work with suggested I might take the day off and I had even thought hard about it. While at one instance I am so worried sick about seeing him and just want to run away the other is telling me he is leaving soon and I may never see him again or at best a year when he returns.In my heart of hearts I know I want to look upon his face and just that small gimmer of hope that something will be there.I dont know what I want to do truly! I think I will never have peace if I dont see him though because this is the one chance I would have for closure.Yeah your right..Im trying overly strong to prove to him I am just as tough as he once bragged that he thought I was.I do however see some Nyquil in my future cause I will be damned that I lose ANY more sleep over it.Girls,Im not strong at all. We were so perfect and its just like we both freaked out because we suddenly developed feelings..only I didnt run from them and he did. The thing is..I want to know he is ok as I know this is a stressfull time for him.I do care enough for him not to bother him if thats what he wants but I just want to atleast see that he is ok for my own peace of mind.But you can bet your bottom dollar this girl will be showing up at work as one damn hot mama regardless of how emotionally drained I am!! I am sure if it is meant to be it will and I keep telling myself that(eventually I will believe it) Ok...gonna try to take a chill pill as they say tonight and relax..and get myself mentally as well as physically prepared for the big meeting! Thanks girls it helps to at least have someone to vent my frustrations and anxiety to!


Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 4:21pm
Is he going to be deployed? If that's the case, I agree, you should try to see him and maybe get something aired out before he leaves. Maybe that's why he's wigging out. He may be scared and doesn't want to have something so strong between both of you before he leaves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 4:21pm
Oh dear. You don't want him to think you are unapproachable or too upset. For now, put on a happy face and act like nothing ever happened - say hi - and be on your way. If he wants to talk more he will and if he doesn't oh well - you have no control over what he does. Maybe he felt like things went too much too fast too soon and he freaked, hence the marital fright on his part. Just be positive and see what happens over time. Either way it goes you will be okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 4:24pm

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 6:58pm

I have to agree with what West said here, too!!


You can't control what he does or what he feels. And if he is going to "freak and run" just because intense romantic feelings/emotions showed up, then is that really the kind of man you want? Do you want to have to wrangle your man to stay and be in a relationship with you??


His reaction (if "freaking" at the intensity of his feelings IS what made him run) is NOT because of you or because there is something wrong with you. It's because it's something HE couldn't deal with, and it's not your fault. Nor should it be your problem- because, like I said... you shouldn't have to wrangle a man into a relationship.


I say to go- and like West said- just be friendly and act like nothing ever happened between you. And see what he says/does... but if you know he is leaving soon anyway... then why start something up? Just be friendly and let it go. YOU will be okay, with or without him!


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 10:13am
Thanks,I slept last night.I really have become disgusted about myself.I will see him tomm and whatever will be will be.I have decided to just suck it up and be my natural self.He was the one that nicknamed me,"Sunshine" hence my name.Yes I do want to know he is ok before he leaves.I didnt plan on having anything with him,really with anyone it just sort of happened.I know I cant make someone