Update on Sisterly Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Update on Sisterly Love
31
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 5:32pm

Ok, Pac~Sun asked for an update – so here you ALL go! LOL!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 5:36pm

"So – I’ve decided I’m just going to continue on with my life, continue building what I have with SEV and our kids. If my family is concerned, they have telephones, they can choose to pick one up and call and ask me or my kids if the situation is detrimental to them. OR, they can choose to talk behind my back and conspire about what a horrible mom I am. I am just going to work on being the best me I can - keep nurturing my girls and living our lives. Not one of those people who want to judge me live in my household. They don't know all that I do for and with those girls on a daily basis, and if they want to take the word of an obviously judgmental individual (who has done this to each and every one of them over the years), well, I guess I say go ahead. I'll be living my own life. And they are the ones who will be missing out."

I say - I agree - thumbs up. Sorry you have to go through this - but they will all figure it out in TIME. DO not speak about this tiff with her or anyone else. As far as you are concerned, she fell out herself! There was no falling out. And it is not up for discussion. She is also not a best friend - but about on the level of an exh for what she did - she gets civil when needed - nothing more.

Minimal information, maximal politeness. (to quote Jackie O!)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 5:54pm

I beileve dealing with family is the hardest since we have history and old patterns are ingrained between us.


I have had people that I know tell me things that annoy me especially when they question me about my choices.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 6:18pm

Ouch, Moonie.


I know this one is getting under your skin and I'm sorry it's gone the way it has. Your sis is so out of line to spread bad words about HER OPINION. That's just toxic and mean. And she called YOUR friend? I'm with you....WTF.


Boundaries with family I find to be even harder than with friends and lovers. Because no matter what you are tied to family so there's no escaping them in the long run, lol. Not to make light of your situation though. It's tough- because the only one who truly knows your reality is YOU. And if that is her way of showing concern she's off her rocker and I'm sorry to say that. Perhaps she is just too into drama?


I think that if I were in your shoes I would do just as you have been doing- live life for you and your girls and SEV knowing that you know you are happy and your girls are happy- and that is what matters. Heck, if we all lived by others opinions we would never live. It's OK for family to "care" but caring means backing off and letting someone make their own decisions and follow their own reality. You know what they say about opinions...they are like -insert bad word here- everyone's got one...


I'm in your corner Moon! Stand tall and live by example. No one will be able to deny your happiness. Given time, they will see and until then it really is her loss...not being able to see and enjoy you for who you are- a very capable and careful woman who would nver get into anything that did not benefit your kiddos.


I know its easier said than done, but don't let her rain on your love parade.


I'm here for ya, sister. Thanks for updating us-


~Pacific~
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 6:46pm
This reminds me of a situation I have with my family. They are EXACTLY the same way. I have learned not to share a thing with them. My father tells me I don't need to find a man, I need to raise my kids and deal with the fact that I had my chance and blew it. LOL. Gotta love dear Dad, married 3 times and had several Fiances, but now he's happy and throwing stones in glass houses. My sister is exactly the same way. They all seem to know so much better. I've learned to do my own thing and to keep out of it and it seems to be working JUST fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 6:51pm

My father tells me I don't need to find a man, I need to raise my kids and deal with the fact that I had my chance and blew it.


NICE. it's pretty incredible what family who "cares" can come up with. Geez! Does that make them feel better

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 8:33pm
Wow I am mad for you too!!
Isnt it just amazing how much people can disappoint us when we are just living our lives and assuming the best in everyone?
As you know, we have been living through similar times over here. We are still dealing with it and just trying to do exactly as you said. All you control in the end is yourself and how you live. I would absolutely keep your distance from sis at this point. She shouldnt be privy to any ongoings of yours right now because she has totally abused those priveleges.
I have told bf in his situation that if his sis calls in dire need IMO snuffing out whatever fire is going on is one thing but staying to chit chat is another. You can love someone for their good history as a family member from way back when without exposing yourself to their current level of toxicity. Just keep the distance and live life as you know how. And I totally agree that they can always ask the kids if they are concerned. I am sure they would be happy to answer as to how they are even if they dont know it is in your defense.
So sorry to hear about this....HUGS over there....
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:06pm

Westie – you are correct – she fell out herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:08pm

Mark – I have said those same words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:43pm

Ahhh Pac~Sun – thanks for that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 10:47pm

Hi Cat,


I think I have FINALLY learned my lesson - no sharing with them.

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