Just a Thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Just a Thought
8
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 7:43pm

My BF and I were talking last night about life in general and he asked me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: isysmoon
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 7:59pm

Judging from the marriage and divorce statistics, I think most marriages are just hanging on. Or that every marriage has times when they are just hanging on... and what makes it work or not- is how the couple deals with the "just hanging on" times and if they can work through them.


I don't believe marriage is the be-all end-all of instant happily-ever-after!!!!!! It is NOT!!!! But, I think you CAN be married and be happy most of the time, and make it work. I still believe it happens.


I wonder this kind of thing often, too. Especially if I happen to be driving through a really charming neighborhood, or in an area where people live in gorgeous homes with beautiful yards. And wonder if the people living in there are as "perfect" as the outside of the house looks. Or if you go inside, and there is abuse there each night. Or you go in, and it's trashed because someone is a hoarder. Or you go in, and there is depression because someone lives in that huge house by him/herself and feels empty. Whatever... but yet- it's just such a huge deal to have these big homes and making everything look so great from the outside.


My house? Fairly plain, but nice. The yard is horrid as it tends to be "au natural" as it gets watered because I often forget to drag that hose out and around to keep it brightly green. The paint is in good shape, but it's not the color I want (it was this color when we moved in)- but inside??? It's a good home for us. Even if it's not pristine on the outside. It's surely not pristine on the inside, either... but I just consider it all REAL. Enough of the good, but not perfect. And not horrid, either- though we have our glitches too. KWIM?


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: isysmoon
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 8:12pm

I always like reading your thoughts Shrimpy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:09pm

I think that when you are with the right partner, and both partners are willing to work at the marriage, then marriage can be good.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:26pm

I think that's very true. You have to really make sure you do things together and find each other to make things work. Otherwise, with the everyday normality it not only gets boring but you just lose the will to keep trying. And I feel this is where people begin to look elsewhere, because they don't have the energy in their marriage to keep trying when they see new sparks flying someplace else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:41pm

Thanks for sharing this example of a healthy marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:55pm

"If I ever meet a man who left because he wasn't "fulfilled" I will NEXT him promptly, because who knows when he will get bored with me?" - AGREED!!

I see plenty of healthy happy marriages around me - it is like I am the one existing in the bubble over here.

It is just day in and day out "living" - working, taking care of the house, shuffling the kids - it really is a lifestyle and not so much a Hollywood romance - peaceful, working and in order. This is mostly the parents of kids who go to my son's school and my sister and parents. They are clueless of what it is like to be in a bad one way street relationship and be belittled or to be divorced and having to start live over and be in the dating pond.

In these good relationships - they all work for a common goal and are doing fun things together like buying vacation houses, going on trips, taking the kids to fun things - stuff like that. But they also support each other when stuff has to get done.

I know that sometimes one person does more of the work - that is fine. But both people should be allowed to be themselves and put the relationship first. It is just day to day stuff and keeping the pot simmering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 4:19pm

<If I ever meet a man who left because he wasn't "fulfilled" I will NEXT him promptly, because who knows when he will get bored with me?>

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 8:35pm
I work with a guy who drew up a huge prenup with his now wife and there's a place in there that if she gains more than 10 lbs he can divorce her and it lists what she gets and what she doesn't get AND she had to return the diamond ring he bought her.