I totally understand your freakout - have done that a few times myself along the way. I am sorry that he turned out to be such a disappointment for you. YES it does stink he is moving and doesn't include you in the decision or even tell you. From his standpoint he had fun while it lasted, albeit at your expense, and then just moved on to something better for him and to add injury to insult did not tell you so as not to have the hassle of upsetting you.
I guess if this is how he is then good riddance for you in the long run.
Don't cry and don't give up. Just take good care of yourself until you are ready to get back on the horse.
I think this is why we have to WAIT and see what they DO over time - with regards to calling, making plans, making an EMOTIONAL investment and just sticking around. All I can say is that we have to keep the dates casual and hold our hearts back until we receive this payment so to speak. Now you are wiser and you will do better - it is just part of the learning process. You will do better the next time. I have had to learn this lesson, too. And it stinks, I know!
I am wondering how close you were to Sayuncle? As I recall, you met at the beginning of February and been together how many times? That seems like a short period of time to create any closely connected relationship.
It sounds that you were either misled or created something more in your mind than he was thinking. I have fallen into the (same?) trap of diving in with both feet with some women in a short period of time and because of that intensity I have scared them off.
I believe that for every relationship each party needs to take responsibility for it. You cannot control others but you can examine how you co-created what you have experienced.
I wonder if you created a set of expectations that were not fulfilled?
I tend to examine myself as well as analyze the other whenever things go South so I can keep learning.
Take care, Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
"It sounds that you were either misled or created something more in your mind than he was thinking."
Mark - I agree - and have been victim for the "creating something more in my mind than he was thinking" many times. Try not to do it - sometimes it is hard because we are misled a bit - mistaking passion of the moment and or someone who is excited and starts talking like something more is there when it is not.
Only time and actions over time can show is what is there.
It sounds from your Topic Line using all caps with exclamation points that you were really triggered by this even though it has been less than a month and a few times of actual dating.
I have dated women who have dropped off the face of the Earth. I have felt disappointment, annoyance, and some anger. I also realize that is the result of my attachment and my expectations.
Would have I liked it if they let me know that they are too busy, moving on, or just not interested even after some nice times and closeness? Yah sure. I also know I can choose how to feel and deal with their behavior as well. It's an ongoing, learning process for me. We can only control ourselves.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
I sorry for this disappointment. I know what you mean about just being communicative and honest. What would have been the harm in him just calling and telling you? It must be that he was on another level of expectation than you, or that he feels better by cutting the conection by not addressing you. I would be a bit angry too and yeah, probably put off by dating in general after a knock like that. But I hope you hang in there and realize that he is just on another wavelenght than you- and sometime you will find the one who is same page as you.
I'm sorry though- I too get disappointed and no matter what the reasons are it always sucks.
Hey, Im sorry you are going through this and I know how you feel when it just seems that everything piles in all at once.I am in a somewhat similiar position. I decided this morning that something had to give. I am also taking a break and going to take sometime to take care of me and just eval what I have learned from this last hard lesson I just bought.
Hang it there,I hope it gets better for you.It would be nice if we all had our "Mark" to have in our lives.I know it seems in my life it doesnt sometimes look like its going to work and its easier to throw our hands up..I feel that way right now...Im just over it all and Im moving right along...I hope that you can find a little comfort in your not alone and we are all fighting in this together! Im so glad we have the support of this board and everyone here!
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Oh dear.
I totally understand your freakout - have done that a few times myself along the way. I am sorry that he turned out to be such a disappointment for you. YES it does stink he is moving and doesn't include you in the decision or even tell you. From his standpoint he had fun while it lasted, albeit at your expense, and then just moved on to something better for him and to add injury to insult did not tell you so as not to have the hassle of upsetting you.
I guess if this is how he is then good riddance for you in the long run.
Don't cry and don't give up. Just take good care of yourself until you are ready to get back on the horse.
I think this is why we have to WAIT and see what they DO over time - with regards to calling, making plans, making an EMOTIONAL investment and just sticking around. All I can say is that we have to keep the dates casual and hold our hearts back until we receive this payment so to speak. Now you are wiser and you will do better - it is just part of the learning process. You will do better the next time. I have had to learn this lesson, too. And it stinks, I know!
HUGS!!!!!
I am wondering how close you were to Sayuncle? As I recall, you met at the beginning of February and been together how many times? That seems like a short period of time to create any closely connected relationship.
It sounds that you were either misled or created something more in your mind than he was thinking. I have fallen into the (same?) trap of diving in with both feet with some women in a short period of time and because of that intensity I have scared them off.
I believe that for every relationship each party needs to take responsibility for it. You cannot control others but you can examine how you co-created what you have experienced.
I wonder if you created a set of expectations that were not fulfilled?
I tend to examine myself as well as analyze the other whenever things go South so I can keep learning.
Take care,
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
"It sounds that you were either misled or created something more in your mind than he was thinking."
Mark - I agree - and have been victim for the "creating something more in my mind than he was thinking" many times. Try not to do it - sometimes it is hard because we are misled a bit - mistaking passion of the moment and or someone who is excited and starts talking like something more is there when it is not.
Only time and actions over time can show is what is there.
Easier said than done of course!!
Thanks.
It sounds from your Topic Line using all caps with exclamation points that you were really triggered by this even though it has been less than a month and a few times of actual dating.
I have dated women who have dropped off the face of the Earth. I have felt disappointment, annoyance, and some anger. I also realize that is the result of my attachment and my expectations.
Would have I liked it if they let me know that they are too busy, moving on, or just not interested even after some nice times and closeness? Yah sure. I also know I can choose how to feel and deal with their behavior as well. It's an ongoing, learning process for me. We can only control ourselves.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
"He had many qualities that I am looking for."
AWWW - that does make it hard. And what are the chances that you are dating someone who moves? That just adds to all of the dating drama I agree!!
Sounds like you do need a break. Sorry you are going through all of this - what a pain. Why can't the RIGHT goober call us?
I sorry for this disappointment. I know what you mean about just being communicative and honest. What would have been the harm in him just calling and telling you? It must be that he was on another level of expectation than you, or that he feels better by cutting the conection by not addressing you. I would be a bit angry too and yeah, probably put off by dating in general after a knock like that. But I hope you hang in there and realize that he is just on another wavelenght than you- and sometime you will find the one who is same page as you.
I'm sorry though- I too get disappointed and no matter what the reasons are it always sucks.
Hang in there chickie!
Hey, Im sorry you are going through this and I know how you feel when it just seems that everything piles in all at once.I am in a somewhat similiar position. I decided this morning that something had to give. I am also taking a break and going to take sometime to take care of me and just eval what I have learned from this last hard lesson I just bought.
Hang it there,I hope it gets better for you.It would be nice if we all had our "Mark" to have in our lives.I know it seems in my life it doesnt sometimes look like its going to work and its easier to throw our hands up..I feel that way right now...Im just over it all and Im moving right along...I hope that you can find a little comfort in your not alone and we are all fighting in this together! Im so glad we have the support of this board and everyone here!
> It would be nice if we all had our "Mark" to have in our lives.
Wow, I *AM* touched.
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