Is this rude or am I just a drama queen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Is this rude or am I just a drama queen?
22
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 2:15pm
For your BF of 2 years to be talking and joking around with his buddies about his ex GF's and the stuff that happened to them on the trips he took them on?

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 2:45pm

Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication process talks about for every negative feeling there is an unmet need. So it sounds like your feeling of anger or annoyance comes from an unmet needs of respect, appreciation, and the need to be seen.

Rosenberg talks about there does not have to be one way, one strategy to satisfy the unmet need.

Does that make sense and fit where you are at? Do you feel you need more respect or appreciation in general from your BF? Are you not getting that in other areas in your relationship? I suspect that if you are getting that then this particular area would not bother you.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 2:48pm
I guess my "unmet need" would be that I want to be treated like an individual and not just a "number".
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 4:33pm

Oh wow - this is not a good thought to come back from your vacation. Sorry!! I would tell him that you feel ___ when he does ___.

I guess you have to decide if he was just joking around with his friends - or really oblivious as to the way it made you feel. Maybe both? Or maybe you are so special he can joke that way? From what you have posted before, I thought things we going okay for you guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 5:27pm
I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:15pm
Well, I think you should come up with a coping skill to change the subject or say something funny - like "no ex no ex!!" so he gets the drift and changes the subject. I would think in time it goes away. My last BF, MA, was like that - so I know how that can put you off. It was like he kept saying the same thing over and over - because he had so many disastrous relationships! Now he can tell the next one about me - LOL!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:50pm

Look at it more like he's just relating the stories of his life and not focus on the fact that there were his ex gf's in them...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:44pm

Now he can tell the next one about me - LOL!!!!!!!


I say stuff like that to him when he starts talking about ex GF's.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:46pm

We can take whatever meaning people say. It is up to us to interpret it as we wish and to choose how we want to feel about it. It is taking care of our own needs and feelings.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:49pm
But how does one go about taking care of their own feelings?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:55pm
Has he SAID he doesn't view you as an individual?

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