UP-DATE....

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
UP-DATE....
25
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 3:38pm

Ok... so it's hard to explain how it was. Very different in a very good way....


So I called him later in the afternoon and suggested we meet for a drink first and then decide if we want to go to a dessert place. It just seemed better, because we could sit over a beer and just chat without feeling we had to get up and go anytime soon. So we met in front of the restaurant and he looked A LOT different from his photos. I wouldn't have recognized him. Not a bad different, but kind of a very young, very preppy looking guy. He looked like he was in his early twenties, he had a beard look in his photos that he has since shaved and he just looked like a prep.


Anyway, it took him about 5 minutes to really look at me. LOL. I sensed he extremely nervous, but when he finally did it was fine and the conversation just flowed. We ordered different beers and discussed them and I gave him a 101 beer lesson. It was kind of funny, because the bartendar told him that I really knew my stuff. I replied that

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 4:53pm

Well, that all sounds good to me given the circumstances.

If only we could have a crystal ball? right? But see how it all goes over time. And keep us posted!!

I don't have experience with widowers - so cannot really say what to do or not to do. But I think you did everything right and have the right expectations from what you write here. And we are going to get to learn as we go. And that is good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 5:44pm
Well girl, I have to say I think it went beautifully.
 
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 7:22pm
what surprised me is that I expected him too be sadder or unhappier or something, even when he talked about her, but it all seemed like he's been separated from her forever. Like talking about something that happened a long time ago, not just recently. Very easy and sometimes very funny. Again, the topic would rarely hit and it was really only when he wanted to see pictures of my girls and he shared pictures of his kids and we discussed who looked like whom. Otherwise, in a 4 hour time span it was maybe a 20 minute conversation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 7:26pm
Well she had been sick for a long time so he probably has had some time to deal with it.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 7:28pm
How long was your father sick and how did the marriage with your mom and her new husband work? Did she ever think it was too soon?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 8:18pm

My father had been sick with prostate cancer for 2 years.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:19pm
C mentioned this to me too when he first described why he was dating again so soon. I have never experienced this part but I can only imagine that it must have been very difficult and draining for him as well. Thanks for sharing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:41pm
No problem :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 8:53am

It was really nice to read how you two clicked. I know you mentioned something about it being wierd him seeming ok so soon...I know that when someone is sick the way his wife was you can go through some of the grieving process together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: myprecioustwo
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 9:11am
This sounds great to me. It will go slowly I bet if it is to progress beyond friendship and it sounds like in a situation like this you can really embrace who you are which I think, deep down is a very healing kind of person. It yanks you from where you were feeling slightly bitter and darker before ( is that right?) to a place where you are at your most light and empathetic by circumstance alone. I am happy for you and cant wait to see how this all progresses....
Lilypie - Personal picture

Pages